CurvyGurl Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 About how long are you in a relationship, before you consider it serious? How soon do you: Meet parents Sleep in the same place Live together Plan a wedding Involve the new person in your children's lives ( if this applies) Combine finances Is every situation different, or do you have a set of "rules" for yourself for each of these things? I've never seriously dated anyone before so my answers seem kind of idealistic. Just wondering what the consensus would be. I consider it serious after about a year, maybe a year and a half. Right now DBF and I are just dating and we are making a concerted effort not to stress ourselves out by trying to move faster than needed. After about a year, we'll evaluate and at that point we'll need to figure out if we're wasting each other's time or if there is serious potential for us. I have no intention of floating through a relationship for years on end with a lame promise of 'someday'. I live far away from my parents, so he won't meet them for a while. His parents live about 3 hours away and if they ever come here I hope to meet them. I have yet to go home with him. He considers the meeting of the parents to be a very very serious thing so it likely won't happen for a while. After about 2 months he started staying the night a couple times a month. We abstain from sex, though, so there is no reason for him to stay over unless it gets very late and he is really tired. I would never live with a man unless the question had been popped and the date had been set. If you want me to act like your wife, make me your wife. Otherwise, pick up your own underwear. Planning a wedding--- well the question has to be popped first! But I think after a year, depending on the relationship, my mind my go toward weddings and I might start thinking about wedding preferences. Neither of us have children but I don't think an SO should meet the kids until it is serious. I have no intention of combining finances with anyone until marriage, and even then I want my own account for my own personal expenses.
Art_Critic Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 My opinion on this is not going to be the popular one but... I think as soon as you have sex the relationship has changed and moved dramaticly towards the serious side.. This does not include a one night stand.. Since I am alway's around my family.. at work and we are real close.. meeting my family isn't a big step for me.. That normally happens after a few dates..
Hot Coco Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 About how long are you in a relationship, before you consider it serious? How soon do you: Meet parents Sleep in the same place Live together Plan a wedding Involve the new person in your children's lives ( if this applies) Combine finances Is every situation different, or do you have a set of "rules" for yourself for each of these things? I've never seriously dated anyone before so my answers seem kind of idealistic. Just wondering what the consensus would be. I consider it serious after about a year, maybe a year and a half. Right now DBF and I are just dating and we are making a concerted effort not to stress ourselves out by trying to move faster than needed. After about a year, we'll evaluate and at that point we'll need to figure out if we're wasting each other's time or if there is serious potential for us. I have no intention of floating through a relationship for years on end with a lame promise of 'someday'. I live far away from my parents, so he won't meet them for a while. His parents live about 3 hours away and if they ever come here I hope to meet them. I have yet to go home with him. He considers the meeting of the parents to be a very very serious thing so it likely won't happen for a while. After about 2 months he started staying the night a couple times a month. We abstain from sex, though, so there is no reason for him to stay over unless it gets very late and he is really tired. I would never live with a man unless the question had been popped and the date had been set. If you want me to act like your wife, make me your wife. Otherwise, pick up your own underwear. Planning a wedding--- well the question has to be popped first! But I think after a year, depending on the relationship, my mind my go toward weddings and I might start thinking about wedding preferences. Neither of us have children but I don't think an SO should meet the kids until it is serious. I have no intention of combining finances with anyone until marriage, and even then I want my own account for my own personal expenses. I think your thinking is right on! Well, except for the part about "make me your wife, otherwise pick up your own underwear!" That was funny. I'm a wife and I don't pick up his underwear! I never had a timetable. Each situation is different but I really think it sounds like you have your act together and are going about things in a very smart way. You'll know for sure after about a year if not sooner if this is going where you want it to go and whether you even want it to go there. Good luck!
RecordProducer Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 About how long are you in a relationship, before you consider it serious? I am usually a few years in a relationship before I realize it's not serious! How soon do you: Meet parents - ideally never Sleep in the same place - when you get drunk Live together - when you decide that the fun is over Plan a wedding - when you get pregnant Involve the new person in your children's lives - when they pop up in your bedroom during sex Combine finances - it depends: if I am the one with less money, then ASAP. If vice versa then never or so... Just wondering what the consensus would be.There is no consensus on LS. There are people who believe in love and those who believe in hatred. He considers the meeting of the parents to be a very very serious thing so it likely won't happen for a while. Or he wants to make sure you're deeply in love with him before you meet his parents (cuz you might change your mind after meeting them!) We abstain from sexYou don't know what you're missing. But also he might suck in the sack. It would be such a waste of time to realize after a year that you're sexually incompatible. You think if everything else is there, the sex will be great. But it's so not true. People can tell you whatever their experience may be, but it's happened before that two people who like each other very much get very disappointed after the sex. Sexual compatibility is very important. I want my own account for my own personal expenses.This tends to easily change to "I want YOUR account for my own personal expenses."
Hot Coco Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 That was ridiculously funny...and yet somehow, so true! Very good, RP! P.S. What are you the poster girl for pre-marital sex?
Author CurvyGurl Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 I do know what I am missing and I am looking foward to it, a great deal, in fact. However, the only people who are worried about people being bad in bed are those who have already had sex. It's not a concern for me at all. Besides, no sex doesn't mean no pleasure.
alphamale Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 About how long are you in a relationship, before you consider it serious? about six months to a year of exclusive dating..... and i mean exclusive Meet parents I usually never get to this stage cause I dump her beforehand... Sleep in the same place Within 2 to 3 wks of the first date usually... Live together Never....I've never lived with a woman and prob never will....it would cramp my style and make it harder to meet other women... Plan a wedding Never Involve the new person in your children's lives ( if this applies) N/A Combine finances Never
basscatcher Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I believe there are many different dynamics in each preson involved lives. Everyone has their own pace and their own beliefs. All the questions you asked need to be determined by the individuals individually and by the two people jointly. All of your questions must be done together. There is no set time limit and no set of rules. My situation has its own set of dynamics that determine what could happen. Ex: we both have children to consider, we live on opposite sides of the river, my son has 3 years left of high school and begs me not to relocate him again. he wants to finish high school where he is at. Each relationship has its own set ups. Whatever you do or feel is your choice as well as a combined choice between the two of you. I don't beleive in doing things just because it has become a social norm or something common. I do things and make decisions based on what is best for me, my son, my SO, his children, and our relationship. I have a attitude that I don't give a damn what is the social norm or typically what other people think.. Why should I do what everyone else is doing (unless of course its something I want.) I will not conform to what society, friends or extended family wants of me.. I am not living my life to please them I am living my life for me, my son, my SO and his children.. Relationships are about communication and work. ONLY you and your SO can make your decisions on when you are ready for whatever choices you make..
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 there is no timetable, i was so sure about my ex and how mad we felt about each other, practically lived together i.e. in each houses most nights, met her parents after a month, talked about marriage , building a house and what our children would look like its just about how you feel about someone, don't set an agenda on things... or should you? maybe thats where I went wrong, she said as much commitment things as me though and I was happy to hear it it should have worked
JS17 Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Alpha you're such a catch. I can't understand how some lucky woman hasn't snatched you up yet.
Author CurvyGurl Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Everyone has such different answers. It's great to see the spectrum. I wish I was more risky and fly by night but that would do me no good, since my DBF is very slow.
RecordProducer Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 my DBF is very slow.He wouldn't be thrilled to hear this!
basscatcher Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I wish I was more risky and fly by night . NO, be yourself and move where you are comfortable. If you reach out to limits that you are not comfortable in you will mess yourself up. Life will move too fast and out of control and you will stumble over yourself. Be content with where you are comfortable. If you want to livin up a little take small steps; don't jump in head or feet first. You will destory yourself.. I use to wish I could be more outgoing and take risks. But I'm really glad I learned to be content with where I am most comfortable. When I want to upbeat my life I take small steps so I can stay in control of it. Always be careful what you wish for... You may get what you asked for and you wont be happy. The grass is not greener on the other side.
downcydeguy Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 PAD is absolutely right about this. You have to go with your gut feeling in relationships. You may meet somebody and fall in love within a month or two -you never know. I do think that setting an exact time table can cause problems though. You say a year for this or that and what happens at 11 1/2 months and you're still unsure/not ready? Unnecessary pressure. Just have fun and enjoy what you two share right now and time will answer all your questions. By the way, I can respect your decision about sex but sexual compatibility is a HUGE factor in serious relationships. This may be something you two wanna explore before the year(s) pass by.
Author CurvyGurl Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Thanks but no thanks. I'm not worried about it. I'm in my 30's. I got it covered. Thanks tho'.
noclobber Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 After about 2 months he started staying the night a couple times a month. We abstain from sex, though, so there is no reason for him to stay over unless it gets very late and he is really tired. I would never live with a man unless the question had been popped and the date had been set. If you want me to act like your wife, make me your wife. Otherwise, pick up your own underwear. U sound exactly like Indian women... they r very selfish.. they will make sure that their needs are fulfilled but do not care about their boyfriends' needs... ie., sex!!
alphamale Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 U sound exactly like Indian women... they r very selfish.. they will make sure that their needs are fulfilled but do not care about their boyfriends' needs... ie., sex!! most females, regardless of their background or heritage, will make sure their own needs and priorities are met first...that is why if you are a man and you don't put your own needs first then you will always lose to a woman.
Author CurvyGurl Posted November 2, 2005 Author Posted November 2, 2005 Isn't there a WomanHatersR'Us meeting somewhere that you two are late for? You two should not speak of what you do not know. That's all I have to say about THAT.
noclobber Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 Isn't there a WomanHatersR'Us meeting somewhere that you two are late for? You two should not speak of what you do not know. That's all I have to say about THAT. ... and can u please enlighten us with that that we do not know about
lindya Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 most people, regardless of their background or heritage, will make sure their own needs and priorities are met first...that is why if you are a person and you don't put your own needs first then you will generally lose to another person. You could be onto something there, alpha.
Author CurvyGurl Posted November 2, 2005 Author Posted November 2, 2005 I didn't start this thread to discuss that. If you have more to say about the OP I'm happy to hear it. But you aren't in my relationship, so shut it with your judgements.
noclobber Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I didn't start this thread to discuss that. If you have more to say about the OP I'm happy to hear it. But you aren't in my relationship, so shut it with your judgements. hmm.. that was rude! cool down a bit. i am not taking on u personally.. i am just telling my opinion and i think i have the right to on this forum. i was really interested to know what i was missing and that's why i asked... if u don't want to share it that's fine with me. peace
Author CurvyGurl Posted November 2, 2005 Author Posted November 2, 2005 I find being called selfish quite rude in its own respect. Tit for tat.
noclobber Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 I find being called selfish quite rude in its own respect. Tit for tat. truth is harsh.. what can i say
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