Soccer2928 Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Hello everyone. First I want to apologize for the length of this post, and I want to say thank you in advance for any help or advice I get; I sincerely appreciate it. Here is my situation: I am currently in college, and for the majority of this semester I have been extremely busy with work. I haven't had much time to think about dating, let alone getting involved in a relationship. That is until I met a beautiful young woman in one of my classes. We recently started talking and we hit it off right away. In the span of about 3 weeks, we talked pretty much every day, and some of our conversations got really deep. We discussed past personal issues that were quite serious and we also discussed past relationships. It turns out that she has never experienced love, and many of the guys she has had relationships with have treated her poorly. As a result, she has had some self-esteem issues and other personal problems. So basically she has really opened up to me about some personal things, and she feels like she can really trust me (She said she could pretty much trust me from the beginning and that was weird to her because she has trouble trusting guys). She has also been quick to point out that we have a lot of things in common (except for the fact that she is really outgoing, flirtatious, and a partier while I am not so much of any of those things), and we have really enjoyed getting to know each other. She has even said several times that we should hang out, and she was excited about the opportunity to become close with me and to get to know me better. With all of these things being said, I figured that she might be interested in me as more than a friend. However, things changed just a few days ago. We didn't talk for a few days, and after those days of not talking, when we did talk it was awkward. She seemed disinterested in talking to me, and as a result, I asked her about this. She said that things were fine with her, but I didn't really believe it. Not knowing what else to do, I told her that I had feelings for her. She told me that she was very flattered by that, but unfortunately, she has recently (within the last few days) become involved with someone. Her exact words were along the lines of "I wish you would have brought this up sooner because I am kind of involved right now. I plan on settling down and dating one person in the very near future." Unfortunately, that person is not me. She did, however, say that she thinks I am a really cute and great guy, and she would consider dating me if she didn't have someone else right now. I was pretty crushed by this, and all I could say was that I thought it was best if we stopped talking for the immediate future because being friends would be too hard for me. She said that she was sorry to hear that, but I need to do what I have to. I wrote her a nice e-mail telling her that I really think she is a great girl and I care about her as a person, and although it's hard for me to talk to her and be friends with her right now, when my feelings for her do die down, I really want us to be friends again and continue the relationship that we had building. As much as I want to date her and am crushed that I do not have the opportunity to do so right now, I do want us to remain friends when I don't feel so strongly about her. I have already told her that it's too hard for me for us to talk right now so I can't really go back on that so I figure I will wait until my feelings for her die down or go away. Does any think this is the right thing to do (stop talking for the immediate future), or should I continue to talk to her, which would probably be less (in terms of time and content) than before because she is now interested in someone else, and be there for her as a friend? Thanks again, and any help, advice, or similar situations is greatly appreciated.
konfuzd Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Friendships never work out when one person is holding onto hope that it will become more. You can pretend all you want to be a good friend to her, but in the back of your mind (or maybe closer to the front) you will always be hoping for her relationship to fail, in order that you can be right there to pick up the pieces, mend her broken heart and whisk her away to eternal happiness... Is this what real friends do? No. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's probably best to just let her go. No contact at all, not even "friends"... It's only going to end up in you getting hurt. Someone who tells you that she fears relationships due to past heartache brings with her a lot of baggage, and it's probably not something you really need to deal with anyways. It sounds like you have a lot to offer someone, and you should give it to someone who is ready to accept it, and give you the same.
Recommended Posts