BlueTopaz Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 He left about a month ago. I have been through so much--grandmother who I was closest to in the world passed away, my wonderful father died, I just had a miscarriage of my first pregnancy (40% of the way through the pregnancy), and he left me a few weeks after that. We were only married for a couple of months. I am so sad. Therapy is helping but, like all things that truly work, it is not instant (drats). I am now finding out that he has been leading a different life online, where he met the woman he is now with, and his entire support group (BDSM). He never talked about it or even hinted that he is into this stuff. Luckily I am a pretty good researcher (now that I have a lead) and I printed all his postings for my lawyer so I can get an annulment instead of a divorce. I have never lied or cheated on anyone in my life--I am a loving, gentle person. It is so hard to comprehend "why me". I do have to say, though, this has NOT destroyed me--it can't, I have dogs and cats to take care of, and Los Angeles (read $$) mortgage payments to make. And I thank G-d every day for my family and friends who have surrounded me with their love and encouragement!!! I know I am so lucky to have them--but when will it stop hurting so much? So, how long before I feel better? Anyone? I have never been left before and have only had 2 relationships in the last 17 years--so I just don't have the background to know when these overwhelming feelings will start to subside.... Thanks so much for any help, advice or sharing!!
Sloppy Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Wow. You have been through a lot! You are a very strong woman! I really admire that and you. There is no given time-line for pain to go away, but it looks like you are doing all the right things, and most of all, you have a great attitude about it! Keep going strong, it will pass. Your strength is really very inspiring! *hugs*
westernxer Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 No one can predict when you'll feel better... you have to work at it each and every day. Whatever you do, don't feel sorry for yourself, otherwise you'll never get over it. Be a survivor, not a victim.
Author BlueTopaz Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Good advice Western and Sloppy--I will try hard not to feel sorry for myself. You are totally right about it keeping me down. I need to focus on other stuff.... OK--must keep weather nice for weekend, must keep weather nice for weekend, must keep weather nice for weekend.....yes, much better now;)
Author BlueTopaz Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 Good advice Western and Sloppy--I will try hard not to feel sorry for myself. You are totally right about it keeping me down. I need to focus on other stuff.... OK--must keep weather nice for weekend, must keep weather nice for weekend, must keep weather nice for weekend.....yes, much better now;)
scobro Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Its good you are in L.A the weather is great so it helps a little.I use to live in Hollywood right behind Hollywood highschool.Anyways,you will be going through all the stages of grief over the next while.I recommend you get a book called The Grief recovery Handbook I just read it and it helped a lot.You not only have the marriage ending but you have deaths as well to deal with so grief and pain will be friends of yours for a while.I experienced relationship withdrawal that I have never had before where I was constantly hurting and having anxiety attacks couldn't eat or sleep when I did I would sweat my ass off and wake up panicking from a dream about my ex.I too asked the question how long till I stop hurting?and really everyone is different.I still hurt and I have been separated 3 months and physically separated for 6 weeks so it still is new all I can tell you is you will have good days and bad days and after a while it should hopefully be all good days.I know myself that I had constant hurt in my stomach always gut wrenching feeling and now that has gone away I sometimes get it but it isn't constant like it was.I hope this helps.Sorry about your losses and I wish you quick healing.
LikkleMissConfused Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Blue Topaz do I feel for you when I read your post. I'm based in the UK so I guess attitudes maybe different but from your post you sound angry as well as hurt and upset. My story I'm not sure if you would say is similar but trust me girl your not alone in you pain or feeling sorry for yourself. In the last three yeras my father dies, then my Uncle who I am closest to (he died in my arms in ambulance) and then a month after my gran. After my Dad passed away the love of my life abused me physiclaly and emotionally and I had no choice but to levae him after he conned me into buying a house. I'm sitting here after having an abortion with a guy who just didn't respect me and whilst supporting and comforting me I find out he is still persuing other women. Its bad the world is bad but as long as what you have in your heart is pure and clean please hold your head up high. Work through your pain if that means feel sorry for yourself then do it whatever it takes. You know you are a woman and in my books if you have integrity and respect you are a gem. I hope you understand my pain as I understand yours. Just take everyday with a pinch of salt and loo at the positives in you and around you. Love LMC
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