Help me write this love song!!!

[Tangerina]

Hey all... I am writing a love song... it is hard to put music on here so I am not asking about that part of it, but I was wondering if you could tell me what you think of the words... be honest, I can take it, if it sucks, I really really would like to know! Tell me what your favorite parts are, and what parts you don't like... any suggestions for changes? The music is kind of fun, upbeat and singsongy... I'm working on it on electric guitar... in my head it sounds a little bit like The Postal Service.... anyways, tell me what you think of the words, I'd love to hear from y'all since you all seem to be interested in this love thing too.....

PS I know it is kinda cutesy, that is on purpose, this is so much happier than what I usually write...

PPS Yah, it is for a real-live sweet person who totally deserves it, he wrote me a totally sweet song too...

 

 

 

If your life had a sci fi plot

You’d travel back in time and get lost

And mess some time lines on the way

Before you come back to present day

 

And everybody that you knew

Now forgot all about you

You tell them things to try to show

That you are who they used to know

But you prevented your own birth

And erased yourself from this Earth

 

But that won’t matter at all to me

Because I’d still find you in my memories….

 

If I was a boy and you were a girl

I’d buy you roses give you pearls

Take you to the high school dance

Try to get inside your pants

 

And if you were a boy and I was a girl

I’d probably let you rock my world

Hold my hand, buy me jewels

I’d let you walk me home from school

 

If you die and go to heaven

*I’d do what I could to (see you again)*

I’d bake St. Peter a plate of treats

Help little old ladies cross the street

But if I still didn’t make the list

I’d rescue you in my rocket ship

 

We’d reach my Moonbase as the sun comes up

Keep your halo for playin’ dress up

 

And if you die and go to hell

I’d do what I could to go there as well

Commit deadly sins like gluttony

Lust and greed and sodomy

But if Satan still didn’t want my soul

I’d rent a backhoe and dig a hole

 

And I’d keep digging til I broke through

Vacation on that fiery lake with you

 

If I was an alien from mars

I’d lure you on my ship with candy bars

We’d roam the stars so wild and free

I’d show you how we do it in 0-G….

 

But I’m just an Earth girl and you’re and Earth boy

And we’ll fall in love in the ordinary way…

 

 

*when I actually sing this for my boy this line will be: *I'd do what I could to join you, Devon*

 

it rhymes, hehe.... his first and middle name is Devon Lee, so I tell him he is heavenly.... hehe... ok... dorky moment

[Outcast]

I like it - cute images, fun, and, bless you, the rhymes scan and the lines are not filled with forced tempo or rhyme. I've seen a lot of dreadful poetry on LS - for once this is a good piece IMHO.

[RecordProducer]

Very nice, I really like it. It's a present for your BF so I shouldn't give you any professional advice, but if you're interested let me know. The lyrics are really cute and original. My favorite verses are:

If I was a boy and you were a girl

I’d buy you roses give you pearls

Take you to the high school dance

Try to get inside your pants

 

and

If I was an alien from mars

I’d lure you on my ship with candy bars

 

I just don't understand why you say later: "And if you were a boy and I was a girl..."

 

I figure he IS a boy and you ARE a girl so I would change it to:

 

"And since you are a boy and I am a girl

I'll probably let you rock my world

Hold my hand, buy me jewels

I’ll let you walk me home from school"

 

 

By the way, I am composer, lyricist, singer, and producer; if you open my profile you can find the link of my web site and hear some of my songs there.

 

In any case, lyrics make sense and have a soul only when put together with music and sung with emotions (enthusiasm and love).

[Tangerina]

Wow, you guys, thanks a lot! It is always hard to tell about our own stuff, y'know? The music part is coming along nicely, it is really kinda pretty and fun sounding... lots of D and A character (though it isn't in a real key, one of those things where you just start going and make up variations on chords that fit together and sometimes it just works out soooo well!... but then your chords are so wierd that you can't even figure out what to call em)

RP thanks for the advice about the lyrics, I meant it to be kinda quirky since the whole song is about hypothetical "if" things so it was supposed to be funny to say "if you were a boy..." since he is.... but you made me realize that that very well might sound confusing! Haha, I'm also glad you like the thing about candy bars, I thought it sounded wierd but I put it in cuz my boy has this cute habit where he has candy bars stashed in tons of random places around his room and pulls them out when he wants one... so I had to include something about candybars...

I couldn't access your site from the link, but that is so cool that you do all of that stuff... it is kind of like my secret dream job, I even took some audio recording classes... but I am sticking with Env. sci. and just like to goof around with music for fun...

I totally agree with you about putting lyrics together with music and emotion, when it all comes together it is so amazing!

[PDPullmn612]

honestly, its good, at least to me. I give you a lot of credit for even being able to think of those rhymes. Its a cute song, not too serious but gets the point across. I like it!

[glittergurl]

Aww, these lyrics are cool! I had to laugh out loud at:

 

And if you die and go to hell

I’d do what I could to go there as well

Commit deadly sins like gluttony

Lust and greed and sodomy

 

LOL:lmao:

 

It's all real sweet and rhymes nicely Good job!

[moonpie]

i prefer to hear it~~can you e-mail me when you finish?

[email protected]

[Tangerina]

Yah, totally.... I am just in the struming stage right now and not even ready to play it for my boy, yet,... I want it to have some sweet lead too... but I will probably record a rough little version of it when it is complete and I will try to upload it or something....