Hpchic Posted January 21, 2023 Posted January 21, 2023 So I had a decent first date last night. He seemed like a nice guy, we had good banter and conversation in the beginning. However he seemed to get really drunk after the first drink and that made the rest of the date a bit awkward. I think he was aware that he was very drunk and a bit embarrassed so he cut the date short because of that. He complimented me enough where I got the vibe that he was interested. Anyway, at the end of the date, he walked me to the subway station. We briefly hugged. I told him it was nice meeting him. He said the same and then I started walking away, and he still kept talking, saying to say hi to my dog for him, and then saying we’d speak soon. It was a bit an awkward goodbye because it seemed like he didn’t want me to leave. Anyway, I would go out with him again but think he may be a bit embarrassed to contact me, so not sure if I should reach out to him or just let it go? Only thing that stops me is the fact that I went to his neighborhood for the date, so I hade to take a 20 minute subway ride home and he didn’t even text to see if I got home ok (I think it’s just the courteous thing to do regardless if you’re interested in the person or not). And of course there’s a chance he’s just not interested in seeing me again.
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2023 Posted January 21, 2023 14 minutes ago, Hpchic said: he seemed to get really drunk after the first drink and that made the rest of the date a bit awkward. I think he was aware that he was very drunk and a bit embarrassed so he cut the date short because of that. Were you put off by the fact that he expected you to travel to him, got drunk, ended the date early and never followed up? See if he contacts you and can do a bit better this time. Maybe he had an off night, but let him contact you. 4 1
Versacehottie Posted January 21, 2023 Posted January 21, 2023 22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Maybe he had an off night, but let him contact you. 100%^^^ Keep your eyes open to see if his drinking is a problem on future dates IF you end up going on them...I don't see why you should chase him by making it easier for him to date you when essentially his behavior wasn't best foot forward...if you chase him, especially under these circumstances, you will get worse behavior from him IMO....it sends a message that you don't value yourself to the point that you are willing to ignore how he acts for the possibility of having someone to date. Much better to have him consider, contemplate what he needs to do to retain your interest and right his wrongs and try again with you. IMO this is a key moment. Not in the way you are thinking where you show him how forgiving and open-minded you can be...You have an opportunity to do that WHEN he comes to you with a second date offer and some sort of acknowledgment that he wasn't at his best. TBH, this is no different than normal first date, leading into second date but magnified and intensified because of his not 100% great behavior. don't make excuses A)for him B) to try to push the relationship along and forward. IMO, you should be considering and contemplating yourself if he deserves a second date. It's fine if you've already come to the conclusion that everyone can have an off night and allow the leeway BUT you "send the message" that you are doing that or that you are not fine with the behavior by NOT chasing him. Good luck. I would definitely give him a second chance---but only if he comes to you for the date. 2
Alpacalia Posted January 21, 2023 Posted January 21, 2023 Hmm. Interesting. Can't say I've had a first date get tipsy so not really sure what to advise. What to do, what to do! Was he a nice drunk at least? Did he hurl chunks of lord knows what? Did his breath stink?
Calmandfocused Posted January 21, 2023 Posted January 21, 2023 No, you should not reach out to him. Not, unless you find “intoxication” a highly attractive and appealing quality in a man. It’s a bit of a head scratcher to me why you’d want a second date with him irrespective of who reaches out to whom but each to their own. 1
Author Hpchic Posted January 21, 2023 Author Posted January 21, 2023 33 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: No, you should not reach out to him. Not, unless you find “intoxication” a highly attractive and appealing quality in a man. It’s a bit of a head scratcher to me why you’d want a second date with him irrespective of who reaches out to whom but each to their own. He wasn’t like a staggering drunk or anything. It was just clear that he had had too much to drink, which was odd since he only had two cocktails by the time we left. I had the same cocktail and was fine.
Ami1uwant Posted January 21, 2023 Posted January 21, 2023 Are you sure it was h8m being drunk? he could have changed after hearing your responses or your behavior.
Mrin Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 He might have "pregamed" by knocking back a few before you showed up. That could explain his tolerance. Or lack thereof. Still pretty unappealing for a first date. See if he contacts you.
basil67 Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 4 hours ago, Hpchic said: Only thing that stops me is the fact that I went to his neighborhood for the date, so I hade to take a 20 minute subway ride home and he didn’t even text to see if I got home ok (I think it’s just the courteous thing to do regardless if you’re interested in the person or not). And of course there’s a chance he’s just not interested in seeing me again. If you think he was drunk, shouldn't you be the one checking that he got home safely? All in all though, he probably just assumed that you were competent in getting yourself home. And assuming competence is never rude. Bigger question is about his behaviour being off. If you didn't smell alcohol on him when he arrived, it's highly unlikely he got drunk on just two cocktails. This may be just how he is....and that's not good. 1
Alpacalia Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 If it's just two cocktails it's highly possible that he wasn't drunk and just wanted to cut the date early. Each person's threshold is different, of course.
ShyViolet Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 Why would he get really drunk after just one drink. That's really weird isn't it? Makes me think he must have pregamed a bit before meeting you. He couldn't even refrain from drinking too much on the first date, that highly suggests he might have a drinking problem. A person with a drinking problem is someone you really should stay away from. 2
Author Hpchic Posted January 22, 2023 Author Posted January 22, 2023 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: If it's just two cocktails it's highly possible that he wasn't drunk and just wanted to cut the date early. Each person's threshold is different, of course. He was definitely drunk
Author Hpchic Posted January 22, 2023 Author Posted January 22, 2023 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Why would he get really drunk after just one drink. That's really weird isn't it? Makes me think he must have pregamed a bit before meeting you. He couldn't even refrain from drinking too much on the first date, that highly suggests he might have a drinking problem. A person with a drinking problem is someone you really should stay away from. I agree he must’ve pregamed because the more I think about it there’s no way he could’ve been that drunk off those two cocktails
Alpacalia Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Hpchic said: He was definitely drunk 9 minutes ago, Hpchic said: I agree he must’ve pregamed because the more I think about it there’s no way he could’ve been that drunk off those two cocktails It was only after the first drink that he started acting strange, I thought. He was acting normal when you first met. No? 7 hours ago, Hpchic said: He seemed like a nice guy, we had good banter and conversation in the beginning. However he seemed to get really drunk after the first drink and that made the rest of the date a bit awkward. Edited January 22, 2023 by Alpacalia
Lotsgoingon Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 Hold on, why are you giving him a pass on being drunk on a first date? Either he has extreme alcohol sensitivity or he had already had some drinks before going out with you. Either way, he is at fault. He knows exactly how his body reacts to alcohol--and if he doesn't know, how badly he reacts to alcohol then that ignorance itself is a red flag because it's his job to know! For years, I would go out with friends at a local bar (great place to hang and chat—and food was amazing) and I NEVER ordered alcohol. Because when having fun with people, I sometimes drink too fast and then I didn’t enjoy the hanging out. And no one cared. At a bar, no one cared that I was ordering tonic water or cranberry juice or diet coke. I paid no social penalty. This guy could have followed my path. It's not your job to be understanding of someone who was weird on a date. Your job is to say, "Hey, this person was uncomfortable to be with. They were drunk, That's not at the standard I want." Instead, you're already planning to make excuses for him. The fact that he didn't text you at the end--that's a red flag and reason itself not to see him again. Especially when a woman has to take public transportation—definitely, I’m not even old fashioned chivalrous and I would check on the person arriving safely—even if I didn’t like them or the date! You're in effect volunteering to be neglected and miserable with someone. Stop. Move on to next guy. 3
bene Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 Why aren’t you put off that he got visibly drunk on the first date where he should put the best foot forward and build rapport with you? It’s very disrespectful and sets the tone how you allow to be treated. If it was a weird accident (alcohol interaction with prescription drugs or something) then it’s up to him to clarify. 1
Alpacalia Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 Agree. It is likely that if he really liked you, he would just be himself and not foolish enough to drink and try to talk to you. On the other hand he could be really nervous and drinking calms him down. Being drunk feels so good because you don’t sweat the small stuff. You let down your guard and let it roll. And that’s fine for a night of dancing with your friends, but this is a first date. Perhaps the lesson here is don't show up drunk if you want to be taken seriously.
stillafool Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 14 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Why would he get really drunk after just one drink. That's really weird isn't it? Makes me think he must have pregamed a bit before meeting you. He couldn't even refrain from drinking too much on the first date, that highly suggests he might have a drinking problem. A person with a drinking problem is someone you really should stay away from. This is what I'm thinking. Maybe once he starts drinking he wants to go all the way so he said goodby to you early so he could get on with it.
poppyfields Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 (edited) Xx Edited January 22, 2023 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 (edited) 21 hours ago, Hpchic said: Anyway, at the end of the date, he walked me to the subway station. We briefly hugged. I told him it was nice meeting him. He said the same and then I started walking away, and he still kept talking, saying to say hi to my dog for him, and then saying we’d speak soon. It was a bit an awkward goodbye because it seemed like he didn’t want me to leave. A bit of a different take as usual, but it's possible he wasn't drunk but appeared drunk due to taking medication for a condition (temporary or permanent) he didn't feel comfortable disclosing so soon. That mixed with 1-2 drinks caused a "drunk" effect. This has happened to me, it's actually quite common. Certain medications mixed with alcohol will do this. It simply makes no sense that he would have gotten so drunk after 1-2 drinks, and since he didn't appear drunk when he showed up, it's possible that's what happened. Also, bolded above. I am picturing this scenario, with him still talking to you as you're walking away, this would suggest he didn't leave the date due to lack of interest. Point is, it's wrong to assume. It could be so many things. Again, the ONLY person who knows is HIM . OP, if you felt chemistry, a click, a good vibe during the date which it sounds like you did or this thread wouldn't exist, then my advice is shoot off a text telling him you had a good time and sorry he had to leave so soon. My guess and again just a guess, is he's embarrassed as HECK and HE may be assuming that his behavior confused you and turned you off. Either he'll be happy to hear from you or not and if he is, next time you see each other, if there is a next time, talk to him, or spend more time before jumping to conclusions that's he's got a drinking problem or whatever. It was one meet. Said this before but dating is full of so many nuances, not so black and white and the popular saying "things are not always what they appear to be" is true. This is what I would have done anyway, again if I sensed there was strong mutual chemistry and we clicked. Sometimes, both men and women, need a gentle nudge. And I believe in being pro-active versus passive, making assumptions and doing nothing. No one would get anywhere with each other if we all did that. You have nothing to lose, good luck. Edited January 22, 2023 by poppyfields
ShyViolet Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 12 minutes ago, poppyfields said: A bit of a different take as usual, but it's possible he wasn't drunk but appeared drunk due to taking medication for a condition (temporary or permanent) he didn't feel comfortable disclosing so soon. That mixed with 1-2 drinks caused a "drunk" effect. This has happened to me, it's actually quite common. Certain medications mixed with alcohol will do this. This did kinda pop into my head.... maybe he's on some medication that causes alcohol to affect him way more strongly. But you know what? If he knows he's on medication that may interact with alcohol, then going ahead and drinking without thinking about that is rather irresponsible. It shows a lack of judgment and responsibility on his part. Still kind of a red flag IMO.
poppyfields Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 A yellow flag? He may have thought 1-2 wouid be okay. It's possible he was nervous before the meet, didn't eat prior (which sounds like ME actually lol), that the 2 drinks affected him in a way he didn't anticipate. I'm speculating, again it could be so many things and the only person who knows is HIM. Good luck OP whatever you decide.
ShyViolet Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 Ehh, this sounds too much like making excuses for him
poppyfields Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 (edited) 6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Ehh, this sounds too much like making excuses for him Or giving him the benefit of doubt? Before talking to him, seeing him one more time, and getting more info to make an informed decision? One more date couldnt really hurt imo. I am posting this based on OP'a apparent high interest in him, hence this thread. I am sensing she really wants to reach out and posted here to get an outside opinion and approval. OP, do what you want, what you feel is best. I think you will always second guess this if you don't. The dreaded "what if." THAT'S the worst, more so than him rejecting you, which I honestly don't think he will. You were there. And him. No one else. No one knows the chemistry, the vibe but the two of you. I contend, my take could be wrong too. But take a risk, again you have nothing to lose. And you may even be surprised. Edited January 22, 2023 by poppyfields
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