Roarz Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I posted something about my situation a while ago, but I'll give a refresher and update. I'm 19, she is 18. We had been best friends before dating, and then dated for 2 years. When she got to college, a few weeks into it (about 3 weeks ago), she dumps me, saying that "You just don't feel like my soulmate, I just can't see myself w/ you, I just know somehow that it won't work. You just aren't enough like me." There had been no signs leading up to this. I was the happiest I'd ever been, and it seem'd like she was too, even up to the last day. A week after, she begins dating this guy she met in one of her classes. I tried NC, couldn't do it, so we kept being friends. It sucked for a while. I even cried to her and wanted her to elaborate more on the reasons, basically everything except flat out begging for her back. But after a while, I took some of her advice, which was to concentrate on everything bad about her, and realize that it wasn't a loss to lose her. I finally did that, and I felt great. We went out to church last weekend together (I had never really been before), and I told her during breakfast that I finally got over her, because I realized that she wasn't as great as I thought. She took pretty great offense to this (I still don't know why, if she doesn't love me anymore, why does it matter what I think?) and later in the car she started listing everything that was perfect with her new bf...how his parents loved her, he was so much like her, ect. At that point I got pissed off and told her so, and the reason, and she said "Well I thought since you were over me it wouldn't matter." A few minutes later she gave me an actual apology, which smoothed things over some, but that pretty much ruined that day for me, since I could only think about how much better he was than me, but I am finally back on track somewhat. Anyways, now that the background is over, I have some questions. All my friends say that she is acting like a total bitch, and I shouldn't even be her friend. I find that really hard to do, and I still enjoy being with her as a friend, but I still want her back, no matter what I say to her face. I am so in love with her...we never had sex because we were waiting until marriage, and I was perfectly content to do so. She was worth that much to me. I can't see myself with anyone else...maybe that's because it hasn't been that long, I don't know. Anyways, it's like she told me all that stuff to make me jealous, but I don't know why she would do that unless she cared that I still loved her. Does her doing that mean that she still loves me and might possibly want me back but is afraid now, or is she just being a bitch? Should I keep trying for her, or just give it up entirely and just try to cut contact? I no longer make it obvious (or try real hard to) that I still like her. I just needed outside opinions on this, (besides my friends) since my emotions are clouding my judgement about this lately.
bab Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I told her during breakfast that I finally got over her, because I realized that she wasn't as great as I thought. She took pretty great offense to this (I still don't know why, if she doesn't love me anymore, why does it matter what I think?) and later in the car she started listing everything that was perfect with her new bf...how his parents loved her, he was so much like her, ect. At that point I got pissed off and told her so, and the reason, and she said "Well I thought since you were over me it wouldn't matter." She did the same thing to you that you did to her. You told her that she wasn't all that great. She responded with, "well, neither are you, my new bf is sooo much better." I think it's going to take some time for the two of you to figure out what is appropriate conversation. If you are still in love with her, then hanging out with her is not the best idea. You need to move on. I don't think she is trying to make you jealous, I think you hurt her feelings and she was lashing out. Try and move on.
downcydeguy Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 You need to stop badmouthing her first and foremost. Meet with her somewhere and tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her also that if she has no interest in being with YOU and YOU ONLY, then it's best to move on without her. Do not try to be friends with her. You're beyond that point. Lay it all on the table and see what she says. Whether you like her answer or not, at least you'll know exactly what your immediate future with her is.
Recommended Posts