Did I do the right thing?

[Nur]

I never expected myself to get so attached to my first boyfriend. He's an absolutely amazing guy -- so wonderful, in fact, that he may well be "the one." We've dated only four months, but we were extremely close friends for three years beforehand, and know each other as well as brothers or sisters.

 

There were a few problems, though. Since he is still in high school (finishing his senior year) he's completely overwhelmed with homework, SAT/ACT prep, athletic teams, and his job. He would "make" time that he didn't really have to talk to me during the week, and maybe cram some hours of his weekend in to see me. Although we loved our time together, I always felt guilty about it, since I was taking away valuable time that he really needed to be using in another way.

 

There was also a problem I was having. I would spend the week missing him horribly (a few friends of mine said that feeling of wanting to be together all the time usually fades after a year or two of a non-LDR, but we didn't have that) and so I spent much of the relationship wishing I was with him, or counting down the days to the paltry weekend hours we had.

 

The thing is, as well, that we are remarkably compatible and mutually feel that we have a unique and deep bond. I seriously think it possible that I could end up marrying him. However, I don't want to be completely committed for all time to my first boyfriend -- there will always be that little nagging doubt, in the back of my mind, of "what if?"

 

My solution? I told him we'd hold our relationship off until the summer, when we could give each other the time we need, and when I could have seen some other guys and be completely sure of my feelings toward him. I know that no matter what I feel, it might just be a matter of perspective or lack of comparison, and I think the only way of finding out for sure is to back off from him a while and see some other guys. Nothing serious, of course, but just sort of see what's out there.

 

The choice seems logical from all perspectives. I can be sure of my decision, enjoy college life, not miss him constantly, and he can use his time effectively and do what he needs to do.

 

But the reality is painful. Granted, it's only been a few days, and it will probably be easier soon, but he is absolutely crushed. He misses me so badly that one of the messages he left on my phone almost made me cry. I know he'll get over it soon, and be able to concentrate on important things, and we can try it again this summer. But I just hope I'm not doing the wrong thing by putting him through this, or that his feelings for me will evaporate with time as he gets over me.

 

The bad thing is that both of those things are emotional arguments -- one, that I don't like to see him suffer and that I miss him terribly as well, and two, selfishness that the feelings he has for me might die. I guess that's just the risk I take, but I really hope I'm doing the right thing. It seems the only logical choice.

[downcydeguy]

Don't BS him about "holding off until summer"! If you were truly 100% in love with him, you would have no curiosities whatsoever. I mean, if he's perfect, how can someone else be more perfect???

 

Quit stringing him along and cut all ties. The longer you keep in touch with him, the more pain he's gonna go through. Just face the fact that you had a great time with him but that chapter is closed and you both need to go your separate ways.

[Nur]

Why would I do that? Neither of us want to lose each other, and still feel very strongly for each other -- just don't have the time for an exclusive relationship. Cutting all ties and breaking it off would be foolish when we intend to get back together in the summer.

 

He's going to call me any time he wants, and we'll still see each other during the weekend when he has time -- just not enough to get in the way of anything he needs to get done. Meanwhile I will have fun at college, not stressing out if a guy is "flirting with me too much" and just enjoying myself. But I won't get serious with anyone else; that I know.

 

I should delete this thread. I don't really question my decision anymore.

[Nur]

The reason I felt so bad was because HE felt so bad. He was being all tearful and crushed (and I didn't understand why!)

 

I called him, and found out he thought I was breaking up with him! That wasn't it at all. After we clarified what the situation was, and he realized that I still love him just as much as ever, and my telling him we'd be exclusive again in the summer was not some way of "letting him down easy" like he'd thought, but I completely mean and intend it.

 

I love this guy more than I ever thought I could. I could seriously see myself with him someday. But to be completely glued and "taken" when I barely get to see him doesn't make sense, especially since he's my first boyfriend and it would be absurd (if I end up marrying him someday) for me to never have dated anyone else. Now I can have fun and date some other guys (the result of which will only reinforce my love for him, I'm sure) without getting serious or anything; just having some fun and living college life. I'll make sure everyone knows I don't want a relationship with anyone else.

 

I'm glad that's finally clarified between us.

[downcydeguy]

...it would be absurd (if I end up marrying him someday) for me to never have dated anyone else. Now I can have fun and date some other guys without getting serious or anything; just having some fun and living college life.

 

I'll make sure everyone knows I don't want a relationship with anyone else.

 

Did you give him this exact explanation about dating other guys? You can "live the college life" without dating other guys ya know. Partying and hanging out with people have nothing to do with other guys. I think you're in denial to some degree about your curiosity.

[seachange]

but you're being pretty selfish here. of course it makes logical sense to you - you're getting everything you want.

 

doesn't sound like he's complaining about not having enough time for all that other school/athletic/job stuff. you just want to "give" that to him, because - and again, i know this sounds harsh, but come on - it serves your own purposes.

 

let him go so he can find someone who doesn't want to play the field. sounds like you're more casual about it than he is, and he's just going to get more hurt. cut it out.

[morrigan]

Everyone has been overworked or stressed out at some point in time. If you truly want to be with someone in a relationship, you are--you just have to make do with the time you have with them until things go back to normal. As Seachange said, your ex hasn't claimed his work is a barrier to his having a relationship with youl.

 

my telling him we'd be exclusive again in the summer was not some way of "letting him down easy" like he'd thought, but I completely mean and intend it.

It's only fair to both of you if you've honestly said to him, "I would like to date you exclusively again during the summer, but for now I plan on potentially seeing other guys." If he's fine with still dating you, you can keep seeing him, but he also has the right to date other girls as well.

 

You need to be realistic--your bf may not want to date you again at all this summer. You have no right to expect him to wait for you to make up your mind about being with him.

[tanbark813]

I think it's normal to want to see other people during college and have more experiences than your first love. So I can understand your line of reasoning behind all that. If you have that nagging "what if" doubt, it's good to get that out of your system before marrying your first bf without ever having been with anyone else.

 

That being said, though, you do have to accept that this is a risk. Just because you may want to get back together when summer rolls around doesn't mean it necessarily will happen. With your bf being as crushed as he is, he may develop resentment towards you and not want to put himself through the pain again. It's also possible he'll have a new gf by then. Just something to keep in mind.

[Nur]

doesn't sound like he's complaining about not having enough time for all that other school/athletic/job stuff.

 

Actually, he did used to complain about it. He'd call me regardless, but more because he wrongly prioritized me above what he needed to get done. He was constantly stressed and tired, trying to put more on his plate than he could handle.

 

Did you give him this exact explanation about dating other guys? You can "live the college life" without dating other guys ya know. Partying and hanging out with people have nothing to do with other guys. I think you're in denial to some degree about your curiosity.

 

When I say "date other guys" I mean casually, not with the intention of getting in a relationship with them. And when I am in a relationship with a guy, an exclusive one, it puts limits on what I can and can't do. I avoid even talking to people who I think are good-looking sometimes, or feel guilty if they start flirting with me, and when I went out with a friend last week (completely friends) all of my other friends started freaking out and telling me that I should be careful of him, etc. I feel limited or restricted with an exclusive relationship with someone I never see, regardless of the way I feel about him. I am getting all of the committment without any of the good parts of the relationship -- all I do is miss him constantly without feeling free enough to go and enjoy myself with other guys in the meantime.

 

It's only fair to both of you if you've honestly said to him, "I would like to date you exclusively again during the summer, but for now I plan on potentially seeing other guys."

 

I did tell him that. Then I made him tell it back to me, to make sure he understood. There's a bit of a language barrier between us, so I think that's why he thought I was breaking up with him before.

 

I think it's normal to want to see other people during college and have more experiences than your first love. So I can understand your line of reasoning behind all that. If you have that nagging "what if" doubt, it's good to get that out of your system before marrying your first bf without ever having been with anyone else.

 

That being said, though, you do have to accept that this is a risk. Just because you may want to get back together when summer rolls around doesn't mean it necessarily will happen.

 

Exactly right. But I am thinking that, if he doesn't want to get back together in the summer, then it wasn't meant to be, and we'll both move on without a lot of pain. If we still have a great attachment for each other by then, we'll know we have serious long-term potential. I don't want to be married at age 45, though, and be constantly tormented by the feeling that I wasn't experienced enough to make the decision to be with someone when I had never even gone out with anyone else. That's ridiculous.

 

This way, if I find someone else (which I seriously doubt) and his feelings for me evaporate over the course of time then it'll be a pretty big sign that it wasn't meant to be. I just think that straining a relationship with his limited time and my limited enjoyment is not wise, for that will certainly kill it. This way he can work toward his future without destroying his grades, I can get this curiosity out of my system, and we can keep in touch in a more relaxed and casual manner and see where we stand at the end of it all.

 

I don't think that selfish at all. I think it's best for both of us.

[jomaxfury]

Thank God you let him go before any serious committment happen between you two!!! If it wasn't meant to be, it won't.. Because I did no try to make it be!!!

 

"The sooner you tell someone who you think is "the one" that you dont want to be with. The more time he has for healing":laugh:

[Nur]

Thank God you let him go before any serious committment happen between you two!!! If it wasn't meant to be, it won't.. Because I did no try to make it be!!!

 

I think you are rather misunderstanding the situation, and it is tiresome to continue arguing it. The fact that we are not exclusive doesn't lessen our feelings toward each other or change the fact that we'll be committed in the future, when we have the time each other deserves. I didn't "let him go;" I thought I made that pretty clear.

 

I am getting sort of sick of repeating myself and trying to clarify the situation to a bunch of strangers when my question is answered and my doubts are gone. The way we have this worked out works for us, and that's all that really matters. It's not such an uncommon situation, either, to make a relationship a bit more casual for a space of time, and doesn't translate at all into "letting him go." My friends all approve, and my parents, and anyone else who truly knows our feelings and situation. I really don't see any relevant objection to it.

[seachange]

Well sure - you should do whatever you want, of course; I was just responding to your initial question. And my answer was based on two things: you said he is suffering, so it sounded from your initial post that he isn't ok with this decision; and you want to be free to flirt and see if there's someone else out there for you (but the idea that he might do that bothers you, which doesn't sound fair to me). Of course I don't know the particulars, but really, you've made up your mind, and that's what the board is for.

 

No need to get upset - it's just my opinion, after all. You're free to ignore it.

[tanbark813]

Nur, I don't think people are trying to change your mind here. They're just offering different perspectives. I think it's unwise to assume your bf (or now ex bf) feels the same way about the situation as you.

 

And if you didn't want to hear from "a bunch of strangers", then why post here?

[jomaxfury]

Nur,

Please be gentle most of us here, have been hurt at one point in our lives! These strangers have gone through these experiences and can really give us free quality advice.

It does hurt when someone tells someone they need space. Like I said the sooner you tell someone the better. You are absolutely right about space...As soon as she gave me the warnings and the red flags I should have giving her space but she came back crying to me...And it ended up bitting me in the butt!

Sometimes people make mistakes...and let things pass them by and later regret their decision.

 

Seachange has a point..being free to flirt and see if someone is out there for you, isn't fair to anyone that has feeling for you. What do you want us strangers to think:rolleyes:

I found the right girl, and at the same time I want her to wait for me while I go meet other girls to see if she's the right one. I don't want to sound cruel, but that's what it sounds like.

But I definitely understand where you are coming from.

[morrigan]

The way we have this worked out works for us, and that's all that really matters. It's not such an uncommon situation, either, to make a relationship a bit more casual for a space of time, and doesn't translate at all into "letting him go." My friends all approve, and my parents, and anyone else who truly knows our feelings and situation. I really don't see any relevant objection to it.

 

Honestly, you won't agree with what I say, but I think this is just spin. Is it wrong to want to date other people? Not at all, if you feel this way you shouldn't stay with your bf, it's not the best thing for you or him.

 

You're wrong in assuming you hold all the power in this situation. I think the objection and approval you should be concerned about is his, not your parents, not your friends. You can't demand him to wait for you either--should he demand you date him only and not put your relationship on hold? Do you feel that would be fair of him to ask of you?

 

Is it 100% fine with you that he dates other women while you date other guys and that it's fully his choice to decide if he wants to get back together with you or not? It shoud be, since that is what you desire for yourself.

[Nur]

And my answer was based on two things: you said he is suffering, so it sounded from your initial post that he isn't ok with this decision; and you want to be free to flirt and see if there's someone else out there for you (but the idea that he might do that bothers you, which doesn't sound fair to me).

 

He was suffering because he thought I was breaking up with him in a coded manner, which is quite far from my intention. Once we talked about it, and I explained that no, I wasn't trying to "let him down easy" or any of the other things he was assuming, he felt much better.

 

Yes, I want to be free to be flirted with, or go out with guy friends, or what have you without feeling guilty, and I wouldn't be upset if he did the same. My point is not that I don't care for him deeply, but that I spend the entire week apart from him, only to see him a few hours on the weekend, and I don't see the point of going through constant lonliness when it doesn't need to be that way. I am not saying that I am going to get romantically involved with anyone else, because I don't intend to (and would let everyone be aware of this, of course) but even going out casually with friends would send him into a rather possessive frenzy (I had another board about this).

 

 

Nur, I don't think people are trying to change your mind here. They're just offering different perspectives. I think it's unwise to assume your bf (or now ex bf) feels the same way about the situation as you.

 

And if you didn't want to hear from "a bunch of strangers", then why post here?

 

I understand they're just offering different perspectives, but I guess I thought that I could explain the situation in a way easily understandable, but everyone seems to see it in a slant different from the reality. They are saying things like, "you should just let him go cleanly instead" etc. when that is not my objective at all, or his. That's what made the fact that everyone is a "bunch of strangers" glaringly apparent. I get kind of impatient, sometimes, as I'm sure is quite obvious by now, and felt as if I was repeating myself. And I don't assume my "ex" feels the same way, I know he does. I asked him, and we've always been honest with each other.

 

It does hurt when someone tells someone they need space. Like I said the sooner you tell someone the better. You are absolutely right about space...As soon as she gave me the warnings and the red flags I should have giving her space but she came back crying to me...And it ended up bitting me in the butt!

Sometimes people make mistakes...and let things pass them by and later regret their decision.

 

Seachange has a point..being free to flirt and see if someone is out there for you, isn't fair to anyone that has feeling for you. What do you want us strangers to think

I found the right girl, and at the same time I want her to wait for me while I go meet other girls to see if she's the right one. I don't want to sound cruel, but that's what it sounds like.

But I definitely understand where you are coming from.

 

I am not really asking for "space" I guess; that would imply I want to distance myself from him, which I don't. The thing is that I think we might seriously be meant for each other. HOWEVER (and thus the basis of my side of the problem) no matter what I believe, I have no experience in the matter, and cannot ever be completely positive when I have not reached that conclusion through trial and error. I realize that we are both really young, and obviously are not ready to make a lifelong committment yet. I don't think it wise to be exclusive with someone (when it's your first boyfriend and relationship) who you might end up with forever, never having dated anyone else. Otherwise there is no comparison! Even if I am extremely attached to him, how do I know that it's not just a cycle I'd feel with anyone? I can't be sure, because I've never been with anyone else! I don't think that these doubts or curiosities I have are fair to him -- he knows (since he's dated before) that I am really someone special, someone he wants to hang on to. I also appreciate that he is an amazing person, and that we share an uncanny bond.

 

But have you ever heard of anyone who has only dated their husband? And if I don't "explore the waters" now, when will I? I have a feeling that if we are exclusive, we might never break up -- we might very well end up married. So if I don't kind of see what's out there first, won't I always be just a little bit curious?

 

I am figuring one of two things will happen. Either I'll go out with some guys, and think, "Yup. I miss my boyfriend, I am positive beyond a doubt now that we're meant to be." Or, I might think, "Wow. When I'm with this guy, I don't miss him at all! Maybe I don't love him, I'm just infatuated." In which case I will know for sure.

 

It's hard to explain, I guess, because that argument sounds like I am unsure of my feelings toward him. I am not unsure that I love him, and I strongly suspect that my "looking around" will confirm my feelings for him, not weaken them, as in the latter case. But I think it would be wrong never to have tried it out. If I am ever going to make a lifelong committment with someone, I need to be absolutely positive, not thinking, "Yeah, I love him, but maybe I would feel the same way about someone else." What I need to think is, "Wow, no one is like him. I've been with other guys, and some of them have their good points, but no one compares to him. I love him with all my heart."

 

I cannot reach the latter conclusion without doing what I am doing now. I hope that's clearer now...

 

By the way, for the past few days, he's finally gotten all of his homework and work done before midnight... for the first time all schoolyear, I think.

[seachange]

It's hard to explain, I guess, because that argument sounds like I am unsure of my feelings toward him. I am not unsure that I love him, and I strongly suspect that my "looking around" will confirm my feelings for him, not weaken them, as in the latter case. But I think it would be wrong never to have tried it out. If I am ever going to make a lifelong committment with someone, I need to be absolutely positive, not thinking, "Yeah, I love him, but maybe I would feel the same way about someone else." What I need to think is, "Wow, no one is like him. I've been with other guys, and some of them have their good points, but no one compares to him. I love him with all my heart."

 

Well, I guess I'm with tan - you're young, you want to flirt and meet other men and size them up, nothing wrong with that. But I don't really think just flirting around will give you a real indication of feelings you might have for other people, in that case. How can you know if you'd love someone else deeply if you don't date them seriously? If that's the question you want answered, I don't know that this is going to help you solve it. But this is the compromise you all have worked out, so I guess you'll see how it goes.

 

As far as you're boyfriend's level of certainty, it probably goes without saying that just because he has dated someone else before doesn't mean he isn't also young and won't have the same questions.

[seachange]

It's hard to explain, I guess, because that argument sounds like I am unsure of my feelings toward him. I am not unsure that I love him, and I strongly suspect that my "looking around" will confirm my feelings for him, not weaken them, as in the latter case. But I think it would be wrong never to have tried it out. If I am ever going to make a lifelong committment with someone, I need to be absolutely positive, not thinking, "Yeah, I love him, but maybe I would feel the same way about someone else." What I need to think is, "Wow, no one is like him. I've been with other guys, and some of them have their good points, but no one compares to him. I love him with all my heart."

 

Well, I guess I'm with tan - you're young, you want to flirt and meet other men and size them up, nothing wrong with that. But I don't really think just flirting around will give you a real indication of feelings you might have for other people, in that case. How can you know if you'd love someone else deeply if you don't date them seriously? If that's the question you want answered, I don't know that this is going to help you solve it. But this is the compromise you all have worked out, so I guess you'll see how it goes.

 

As far as you're boyfriend's level of certainty, it probably goes without saying that just because he has dated someone else before doesn't mean he isn't also young and won't have the same questions.

 

Ugh, I was just editing this and it got lost. Stupid computer.

 

Suffice it to say, I just wanted to add that I do genuinely hope it works out for you. Whatever we all might say on here, it's just that - words - and everybody has to muddle through it on their own. So no hard feelings, and best of luck to you.

[Nur]

But I don't really think just flirting around will give you a real indication of feelings you might have for other people, in that case. How can you know if you'd love someone else deeply if you don't date them seriously? If that's the question you want answered, I don't know that this is going to help you solve it. But this is the compromise you all have worked out, so I guess you'll see how it goes.

 

Yeah, I've thought about that too -- it's probably the one weakness to my solution. However, the only complete solution is to risk what I have now, and dump him completely without cause, in which case we would never get back together and at best I could find someone else in a few years I like as much, and at worst regret it for the rest of my life.

 

I am hoping that this will give me a taste of what's out there enough to satisfy my curiosity without needlessly and pointlessly throwing him away. If, at the end of this, I find that it has not made me more certain, I guess I'll have to find something else to do. But I figure that it's worth a try.

 

The future is hard to tell. Maybe in a year we'll be closer than ever, and both of our doubts gone. Maybe we'll be in the same situation, in which case we'd have to decide on a new course of action to take. I want both of us to be completely happy and sure in our situation, so that if we choose to be together it is with no uncertainty or regrets.

 

My mom, who knows him better than almost anyone (they just have this strange mutual understanding of each other's personalities) says that speaking from experience (from one who's already dated a whole bunch of people before finding the one to marry) there really aren't any guys to find better than he is. I might find one more ambitious, or more intelligent, etc. -- higher in one trait -- but never such a combination in one person.

 

I think that testing myself out this way is the best solution. If I spend my time with other guys missing and thinking about him, then it'll be a sign to me. If one of us feels that what we have is fading, it will be another indicator that maybe we should move on. But clinging to each other in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship when communication is strained into limited time and we see each other only hours every week was stressful for both of us. Now we can enjoy seeing and speaking with each other when convenient, without the "obligations of a relationship," etc. and ideally resolve problems that would have affected us long-term.

 

Like I said, I no longer doubt my decision. After thinking through the different aspects of it, I think it the best. I know at least that what we were trying before wasn't working well for either of us. Our feelings for each other should be a lightness in our hearts, not some sort of chain of obligation. I shouldn't have to think, "I would go to the movies with this guy, as friends, but then all of my friends will be warning me about him and my boyfriend will be stressing out the whole time." He shouldn't have to think, "Man, I have so much physics to do, but I have to call my girlfriend since I haven't talked to her all day." The previous situation ended up with me sitting alone for a bulk of time missing him and wishing that the weekend would come faster, and him up all hours of the night because he felt he should call me (it wasn't that he didn't want to, either -- he enjoyed talking to me every night, but sometimes he just didn't truly have time for it).

 

Now everything is just more relaxed. He can get everything done and call me if he finishes early. I can hang out with whoever I want freely, getting to know people who would have considered it immoral to approach a "taken" girl. I don't intend to start a relationship with them, but now at least they feel less restricted to get to know me (there's not going to be some jealous guy rushing in to challenge them or beat them up or something, lol).

 

I send him a text message every day so he knows I'm thinking of him. Ironically to what it might seem, I think the change is making our relationship stronger. He doesn't relish the idea of me spending a lot of time with other guys, no; but he trusts me enough to realize that I am not going to get seriously involved with any of them. He doesn't need to feel obligated to call me every day religiously if he doesn't have the time or wrongly prioritize me over his studies. Once we can see each other more often, and spend time together, it will be a fairly easy switch back into exclusive mode.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I think you have made a good decision, although difficult for both of you, I'm sure. Sounds as if you have done your best to consider what's best for both parties in the long run.

 

The only 'sticking' point in this that I might caution against, is discussing your dating life with each other. It would be different if you remained in contact with each other as platonic buddies … but since the heart-strings are still attached, it will be painful for either of you to hear about the other's romantic conquests. Have you considered how (or if) you were going to be able to avoid that?

 

Also, I think it's important to prepare yourself for the very real possibility that with time and distance your friend may become less attached to you. Even with frequent contact to remind him that you are still thinking of him. Right now, it may feel safer for you than it does for him, simply because you are confident in knowing that he is more into you (right now) than you are into him.

 

While you may not find anyone to compare to him (only time will tell) --- he may find another girl who thinks as highly of him as you do. Particularly if he is as wonderful as you describe. In that event, there is likely to be some hurt, perhaps even some jealousy, on your part as he begins to pull away from you and focus his time and energy on someone else. You will have to prepare yourself to fight those instincts to interject yourself on that relationship and unfairly play tug-o-war with his heart. And if his new love interest is uncomfortable with your friendship (which under the circumstance is highly likely), you may have to be the bigger adult and step aside. Saying "good-bye" to The-One-Who-Got-Away, for good.

 

It won't be easy, but I admire your resolve to make whatever sacrifice is necessary to make sure you are making the very best decision regarding both of your futures. I, for one, am keeping my fingers crossed for a happy ending, and hoping the benefits eventually outweigh any consequence.

[Nur]

Thanks for your response, Enigma. I, too, hope it works out. I will refrain from mentioning other guys to him, simply because it would serve no purpose other than to make him jealous and hurt without cause -- he gets that way sometimes even when I just mention friends. One time I casually said someone had nice eyes (this was weeks ago!) and he hasn't forgotten it and brings it up sometimes. He's quite possessive and easily jealous, which is part, I think, of what drove me to make this decision, for both of our goods. It is one of his few faults.

 

Instinctively I believe we'll end up back together in the summer, simply because I know of the depth of his feelings (he liked me for three years before we started dating, and now that he's finally got me I don't think he'll be in any rush to leave me for someone else) and the depth of mine. The thing about him is that he doesn't readily display all of his amazing qualities -- and I am the same way, I guess. We both take a long time to get to know really well... most people wouldn't really bother. But now that we both know each other to this extent, especially since we were extremely close friends for three years, I think our bond transcends the usual casual "known-you-for-three-weeks" or "met-you-at-a-bar" situation. I think we have a good chance.

 

And if not... if, after only a few months, he finds himself more attracted to someone else, I'll be glad that I found out early that I misjudged his attachment to me! I want to be completely and utterly devoted to the person with whom I share a serious committment, and I expect no less directed toward me. He's already dated other girls, and seen sort of an idea and comparison, and tells me I am perfect. I haven't had that luxury -- even though I know logically of all of his good qualities, I think that only experience will provide that gut feeling.