Walk Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 My bf loves giving oral (odd, I know.), but frankly I'm not terribly comfortable with it. Never have been. He's the only guy I've ever allowed to give me oral. I don't know why I'm not comfortable with it. No horrible experience, but it makes me feel really exposed and uncomfortable. So he tells me that this is something that is important to him. Something he enjoys sharing with me. And what he wants is for me to ask him to go down on me. It's been two years now, and I'm still uncomfortable asking him to do that. So, what I'm asking is, if you took oral sex and replaced it with whatever you really enjoy doing with your partner, how much would that affect you? Would you break up with your partner over it? Sex to a man is incredibly important, and this is what he specifically wants, but HOW important is it??? I can't give him a good reason why I have this hang up on having oral sex done to me. Other than it makes me uncomfortable. But it's about the ONLY thing he's ever asked me to do for him. Is this just a fundamental difference adn we should break up? Or how do I go about not feeling uncomfortable about it? He's tried everything to help, and it less then it was, but it's still there. But he's frustrated because it's been 2 years.
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 To me it would be a deal breaker! I absolutely love giving a woman oral and would probably give up all other forms of sex (if needed) to continue to go down on women. It is also a lifelong talent. Rumor has it that The Rock, at some time will morph into Mr. Softee. But I have never heard of a tongue not working. It is lifelong pleasure as far as I am concerned.
Outcast Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 You probably grew up being told that your 'parts' (because nobody used proper names) were 'dirty' and so you still have that childhood taboo going on. Why not go have a couple sessions with a counsellor and try to get rid of the hangup?
Author Walk Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 933jkl: Seriously? It would be a deal breaker? I don't understand this? Why? You don't get any physcial satisfaction from it... sexual release, so why would it be a deal breaker? I really don't understand... All your doing is tonguing a girl. Not like your getting sexual satisfaction out of it. So why the big deal? That's what I don't understand. I guess I'd find it easier to understand if it were.. I don't know.. anal sex or something. Where the guy got his rocks off while doing it. so why is oral such a big deal to a man? I'm clueless.
westernxer Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 so why is oral such a big deal to a man? Because we love pvssy.
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Hey we can be emotional creatures as well. I have been told I do it well and there is a sense of satisfaction of seeing a woman writhing around as a result of your tongue. It is so intimate, the feels, the smells, and the tastes are all a turn on, and yes, I would venture to say that many men have had a release without actual stimulation. Hard to explain, but if my GF was against me going down on her, the whole deal needs to be rethought!
AlmostMarried77 Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Hey we can be emotional creatures as well. I have been told I do it well and there is a sense of satisfaction of seeing a woman writhing around as a result of your tongue. It is so intimate, the feels, the smells, and the tastes are all a turn on, and yes, I would venture to say that many men have had a release without actual stimulation. Hard to explain, but if my GF was against me going down on her, the whole deal needs to be rethought! Same for me... Its something i take great pleasure in doing and something that i take pride in doing very very well. I'm not trying to show off here, only 1 girl is ever going to get that treatment off me again but the act is something that i am very enthusiastic about so i do work on being as good as i can. I think for me most of it is just the ability to concentrate completely on my partners pleasure without having to worry about "blasting off" too early myself Also as you said it is a very intimate thing to do and the taste and smell and the effect is possibly one of the most beautiful things i can ever do. The other thing i like is how in tune you have to be physically with your partner to do it right. You can't just go down there tongue wagging away and expect to be good, you need to really feel how your girlfriend/wife/partner is reacting. I would be very upset if I was told to stop doing it. On the other hand i don't care either way if i get it back.. bonus if i do but not something i would ever insist on.
Author Walk Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 say you weren't getting sex afterward, or even later that night. Would you choose giving oral sex over sex?
AlmostMarried77 Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 say you weren't getting sex afterward, or even later that night. Would you choose giving oral sex over sex? Depends on my mood. I'd say 50/50 or 60/40 in favour of oral Thats as long as i knew before hand that there would be no sex after... If i was told after the event that there would be no sex i'd be a bit miffed
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 say you weren't getting sex afterward, or even later that night. Would you choose giving oral sex over sex? Here are two choices: All the blowjobs, handjobs, cuddling, intercourse you can handle for the rest of your life but no more going down on a woman. No blowjobs, handjobs (other than your own ) intercourse, but you CAN go down on a woman as much as you can handle for the rest of your life.... Giving up the second would be VERY difficult if not impossible for me!
Author Walk Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 No blowjobs, handjobs (other than your own ) intercourse, but you CAN go down on a woman as much as you can handle for the rest of your life.... Giving up the second would be VERY difficult if not impossible for me! Dayem you men! Why must you be so infuriating strange? Why, though? Just because you're good at it? Or is it a power thing? Or control issue? or ego trip? I can't see giving up all other forms of sexual release to give oral to your women just because it smells or tastes good down there. So there must be something deeper to it? Like a sense of power. Or for some reason it makes you feel more manly. Or maybe I'm not going to understand, and should just accept it as it is.
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Why, though? Just because you're good at it? Or is it a power thing? Or control issue? or ego trip? Could be. I get off on pleasing my partner. Why don't you just lay back and enjoy it. I mean ideally it is a mix of everything, but giving that up would be hard!
AlmostMarried77 Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 In my past I've had one night stands which were never going to end in a relationship and that was understood from the beginning. Either due to geographical distance or it being a fun thing or her having a boyfreind already (Bad i know ). In a fair proportion of those one night stands the only real sex was me going down on the girl. In general I enjoyed those more than the ones that involved intercourse. i think its purely because i am good at it and because without any self sacrifice i can make someone very very happy which makes me feel pretty good too
westernxer Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Why, though? Just because you're good at it? Or is it a power thing? Or control issue? or ego trip? We're celebrating what makes you a woman, so just sit back and enjoy it.
TnT Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 I totally understand y guys love it... and i love it to. However, ur body is just that... UR body, if u r not comfortable with oral, dont do it. Its that simple. If u want to get use to it, to make him happy, then just relax, and c if there is any part of the act that u like. I feel that doing something sexual u r not comfortable with for the sake of ur partner can lead to resentmant. If u break up over this situation, then maybe u should find someone who will respect ur needs and desires.
Outcast Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 TnT I don't agree at all. Hangups are unreasonable restrictions that people don't need in their lives. Why give in to some dumb hangup when it's probably curable and would make you both happier if you got over it?
TnT Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 I know what u mean about hangups, and i totally agree about getting over things, but sometimes its all about personal preferance i guess.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 I know how you feel, i felt exactly the same way when my boyfriend went down on me for the first time - i hated it i felt so exsposed and just everything open for him to see i didnt like it at all and because i was uncomfortable it wasnt a pleasurable experience either. I kept with it though because he was extremely persistant, kept going on at how he wanted to meet my every pleasure and that i should trust him. If i suspected we'd be spending a night together i used to get veeeeeeeeeeery drunk because it help me care a little less about the whole out in the open thingy and made him have the lights off and covers over us but that didnt last long he said no he threw off the covers turned on the bed lamp and said he loved my body and that it was beautiful and he wanted to look at me... so then i wouldnt let him go down on me unless the light was off etc and he said that it turns him on knowing he can give me oral pleasure and it makes him feel bad if i wont let him because he feels that he cant meet my needs or i dont trust him like he's failed as a lover so i let him and i got used to it and now i really enjoy it and sometimes yeah i feel a little uncomfortable for various reasons but thats going and we're becoming more physically comfortable with being naked and up close and personal with eachother and i feel alot more comfortable with my own body too. - hope any of this is any help
Hot Coco Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 If you don't like it, don't do it. It's a matter of personal preference...not a "hangup."
Outcast Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 If she says it's a hangup, then it's a hangup. People who grow up in restrictive homes can have a lot of hangups which prevent them from fully enjoying a mature sex life. Many go to therapy to shed the chains that were put on them when they were too young to object.
Hot Coco Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 If she says it's a hangup, then it's a hangup. People who grow up in restrictive homes can have a lot of hangups which prevent them from fully enjoying a mature sex life. Many go to therapy to shed the chains that were put on them when they were too young to object. We must be reading different posts. Or are we diagnosing here? I don't see anything on there about her growing up in a restrictive home. She said she was uncomfortable with it. It's a hang-up if she makes it one. Or it can just be a matter of preference. All depends how you think of it.
westernxer Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 As a bumper sticker once read: "Sex is dirty -- if you do it right."
eff Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Dayem you men! Why must you be so infuriating strange? Why, though? Just because you're good at it? Or is it a power thing? Or control issue? or ego trip? s. Did it ever occour to you that maybe he just gets satisfaction off of giving you satisfaction. I'm not sure if women are like that or not, but I think half the fun in the sack is knowing that I'm showing her a good time.
Cecelius Posted November 2, 2005 Posted November 2, 2005 It may also be an issue for him just because it is taboo (to you). That makes it more desireable. Second, anything a woman won't do with you (for whatever reason) she WILL do with some other guy who has the right emotional effect on her -- every man knows this as well as his own name. When a woman won't do something (that falls into the category of generally or often accepted activities as far as the boy is concerned) with him, he assumes that she is holding it back. It's a little like girls and wedding rings. Doesn't matter how much he loves you, if he won't give you the ring, you always know that there was that last step he wouldn't take for you...
Author Walk Posted November 3, 2005 Author Posted November 3, 2005 People who grow up in restrictive homes... Hell. I wish. My Mom wrote romance novels for years while I was growing up. As a teenager it was a little embarassing to know your friends were reading about the sexual thoughts your Mom was entertaining. I'm just uncomfortable with oral, not to the point I'd think I need a head doctor though. Cecelius: This bf is the only one I've let give me oral. I told him about others, and how I'd stopped them after about a minute. (some men have no clue what's down there.) So maybe he finds it extra special because of that, and that's why he's so into it. In addition to being really good at it. I don't really understand the logic of actually passing up sex to perform oral on me. If given the choice he'd rather give oral, even though he obviously enjoys sex. Just seems odd to me. I could see a women thinking that way. But a man? Give up his own sexual release??? Seemed preposterous, but I guess it's not as strange as I thought. Still wish I could just be totally comfortable with it...
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