Tired-but Very Content-update

[basscatcher]

I am seeing different sides to Mr. Landscaper. None of them are turn offs but they have kinda shocked me.

I am use to seeing him dressed in name brand jeans, cowboy boots, button up shirts and a cap.

Last night he was wearing levi jeans, his cowboy boots, a chopper tshirt with a light blue rag tied on his head with silver hoop earings in and sunglasses on his forehead.

My eyes got big cause I had never seen him dressed like THAT. I was set back but not negatively. Then he told me I am too nice, that I needed to learn to bitch. I warned him he will get to see that in time. I have the ability to do it.

I explained to him if he gives this time he will see everything he wants from me because what he has expressed to me I am. But I am watching him right now. I am absorbing him. He is a great guy and he has a jagged side but its not rough. He opens up to me about himself quite a bit. His kids tell on him a lot too. Remember : his children are 7, 9, 14, 15.. the 7 and 9 year old will tell all.. They already have started. Mr. Landscapers face has blushed several times already and he tells them to "shhhh" its cute.. They are tattle taling on daddy...

[basscatcher]

The reality is (and anyone who had a long term relationship will confirm this) You DONT really know someone until you have been with them for a considerable time.

 

You can spend a lifetime with someone and never know them completely. I believe its about what you can live with in one another. Can you support one another, be there, love the other person through thick and thin. Can you communcate and problem solve together. I beleive the two people should complement one another. There will be a balance when things are right. There are always ups and downs in everything but its whether or not you can work together on them.. There is a foundation that you get to know about one another to determine if you can spend the rest of your lives together.

 

How can you plan to spend the rest of your life with a man/woman who you havnt even had an argument with or seen them angry, sad, upset! How do you KNOW they are the real deal when they havnt seen the 'real' you - The 'you' when you are not floating from happiness in the honeymoon period of your relationship - In fact how can it even be serious after 3 weeks?

 

Planning to spend the rest of my life with someone takes time. I am not planning the rest of my life with this guy, YET!! I am enjoying. We are still getting to know one another and our foundation. So far so good. I have been myself with him. I have not acted differently or put on my best behaviour.. My gosh our second date I got too drunk and I was very outgoing and crazy flirty.. I didn't intend to get that way.. He could have been turned off by that but he wasn't. He didn't even take advantage of it either so he earned some respect from me on that point also. He has seen me in supportive friendship, councelor mode the last 3 days. My gf is a wreck right now and a basketcase. He has witnessed me deal with her and her bf. He has been there as well and made a few comments. I hear his maturity in what he has said. He's mature in his words.

 

As for being serious, serious is what you make of it and serious is whether or not you want to date others. Neither of us are interested in dating other people right now. We are focused on each other...So that is serious.

 

I could never imagine introducing my child to a man after only 3 weeks - even if i thought he was God!

 

My son is 16. I have not sheltered him from anything in life. He is a very logical and smart child. He is very much like his mother as I am today.. He has morals and values. He is relationship smart for his age. Mr. Landscaper is not sleeping at my house, he is not heavily affectionate with me in front of the kids.. My son takes each person that comes into our house as just another person and if its a man who is more then a friend then that man has to prove himself to my son. If the man makes effort to communicate, shows interest in him, and treats me with respect and is also loving towards me and maintaines a ongoing relationship for a couple of months then the man has pretty much won over my son. My son is not one to be with arms wide open.

My son is not a impressionable young child and he also is very mature for his age.

As for HIS kids--I put him off for 3 weeks. I knew his kids were younger and I have a very possitive history with children so I made him wait longer before his children and I met. I use to be a librian aid and I worked with children during the summer with reading programs and such. I have good relationships with children and they tend to cling onto me easily. Anyone who knows me knows this.. I am like a magnet to kids. I told Mr. L. that until he was certain he wanted to continue persuing a serious steady relationship with me I wanted him to hold off to protect his kids from being hurt and disappointed. He held off for 3 weeks.

 

Keep in mind Mr. L and I see each other almost everyday and talk on the phone every day. We have easy conversations and we share alot of ourselves with one another. Our relationship isnt long distant and we don't just date 1 or 2 times a week. We date almost every day. Our dates are not going to the movies. Its sitting in Applebees, TGIFridays, or some kind of sports bar talking to one another over drinks for two or more hours.. We meet up at my gfs house for Hockey games so we have social interaction with another couple.

 

Eyes wide open honey.... eyes wide open!

 

My eyes are wide open. But I refuse to allow myself to let my past hurt, anger, resentment influence my thoughts of him. It is not fair for me to make a judgement against him because I have been hurt in the past. I only utilize my lessons from the past as comparrisons for red flags and there are none.

[SmoochieFace]

But I refuse to allow myself to let my past hurt, anger, resentment influence my thoughts of him. It is not fair for me to make a judgement against him because I have been hurt in the past.

 

 

Let this be a lesson for the cynical guys here (are you reading this, ALPHA???) that Pada has grown and matured and is on her way to happiness with a GOOD man. Congratulations!

[Lishy]

I wish you all the very best Pad you deserve happiness ..... I wasnt downing what you have I just said what i felt whilst reading your posts.

 

You go girl!!!!

[alphamale]

Let this be a lesson for the cynical guys here (are you reading this, ALPHA???)

I am not cynical, I am realistic...

 

that Pada has grown and matured

kudos to anyone who can "grow and mature" in 21 days....it is something that I could not do.

 

and is on her way to happiness with a GOOD man. Congratulations!

if he is so good then there will be many other females interested in him and PADA will have to beat the competition off with a stick.

[SmoochieFace]

I am not cynical, I am realistic...

 

We went through this earlier... here it is AGAIN: REALISTIC according to YOUR version of reality and experiences - not necessarily Pada's. Quit implying that ALL men are like YOU, for God's sake!

 

 

kudos to anyone who can "grow and mature" in 21 days....it is something that I could not do.

 

Yeah? Just because YOU couldn't do it doesn't mean that other people cannot do it. Quit implying that people can only do things according to YOUR standards, for God's sake!

 

 

if he is so good then there will be many other females interested in him and PADA will have to beat the competition off with a stick.

 

And that is based on what, ALPHA? You do not know this guy... hell, you don't even know Pada, FOR GOD'S SAKE![/b]

 

**********

 

You really are egotistical as hell. Probably why you CAN'T be in a relationship with a GOOD woman.

[basscatcher]

I am not cynical, I am realistic...

 

Realist and Cynical. You carry both traits dear..

 

kudos to anyone who can "grow and mature" in 21 days....it is something that I could not do.

 

I have not grown or matured that much in 21 days.. I have grown and matured drastically in the last 4 years!!.. Period..

 

if he is so good then there will be many other females interested in him and PADA will have to beat the competition off with a stick.

 

I already told him I will not compete. I will not play games. Either he wants to be with me or he wants to play. He and I have had this discussion. He said he is very picky about who he choses to get involved with. From the history I know about him he is not a player. He is not the kind of man who has to go around and f* as many woman as possible.

He is 41 yrs old. was married for 13 years, been divorced for 4 years and his last gf and him were off and on for 3 years of that. So with a track record like that I would say he is a one woman man and he is not a man who has to poke his d*ck into every cave that wants to jump him.. He is handsome. So far everyone of my gfs has complimented me about how handsome he is.. He is a real man--not the prettyboy metrosexual type. He is handsome, in his ruggedness. If he wants to play with other women I will be gone!!! I am not about games...

So If i feel and see competion I will walk away.

I do not see him doing this to me anytime soon.. He doesn't have the time to play.. He works all day then spends his free time with his kids and me... If he did play he sure as hell wouldn't be able to give her much of his time..... Cause we have most of it. haha:laugh:

[alphamale]

You really are egotistical as hell.

I am and I admit it, so what are you gonna do S.F.?

[SmoochieFace]

I am and I admit it, so what are you gonna do S.F.?

 

 

What am I gonna do? I'm gonna continue doing what I have been doing - living my life... only from now on I will be thanking the gods that I didn't turn out like you, Alpha. You seem to be miserable and you use money, *success*, and sexual prowess to cover up that misery. You don't know what it's like to allow yourself to really love and be loved - and even worse you never will with your misogynistic attitudes. You treat women as expendable commodities instead of real people with real feelings. You look for the negative in people and situations - your posts in this thread confirm that.

 

You're a sad case. Just like the women who fall for your *beep*.

[Art_Critic]

Correct me if I'm wrong.. But isn't this the guy that just got out of a relationship a few weeks before you met him ?

 

You need to remember that there are 2 people in this relationship and he will be keeping his cards face down right now..

 

I think it is great that you are falling in "love" with this guy Pada.. But not enough time has gone by for him to fall in love with you..

 

He hasn't had the time to grow and learn like you have.. He is fresh out of a relationship.

Remember what a rebound is.. They are alway's great in the beginning..

 

As Lishy said.. Eyes wide open and trust your insticts.. ( which you already are )

[alphamale]

Correct me if I'm wrong.. But isn't this the guy that just got out of a relationship a few weeks before you met him ?)

if i recall correctly he was dating some nut-case psycho bytch on and off for 3 or 4 years.... why would such a "good" guy date a woman like that? its a big red flag to me...

[basscatcher]

:lmao: :lmao: BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS :lmao: :lmao:

 

you two are hystical.. Gotta love ya both..

 

you both mean well, you both have different opinions based on your experiences and upbringings. You both have different temperments too.

 

I respect both of your opinions. Both of you mean well and are speaking what you believe. I can see where you both are coming from.

 

:bunny: S.F. you are a good guy with a good heart as far as I can tell from your posts on this thread.

 

:bunny: Alpha, you also are a good guy because I believe you care about other people but you dont want to get invested. You are putting caution in my face so I don't go overboard with Mr. L in dreaming to high and you are trying to call me out because you think I am being hasty.

 

I think, I see things other people dont because I have been involved with someone like you Alpha. He chose to educate me to make me aware of things in life. Not too many guys would give up their game to teach a female it. He said he was preparing me for the right man to come along so I wouldn't flake out. where do you think I learned not to unload all my emotions and feelings on the guy I am dating. it will overwhelm him.. He told me about it and I compared it to past experiences and he was right. He showed me a lot about myself that was flakey and wasn't working.

He was the Alpha Male and he was leading me and teaching me because his heart is good and he was in touch with it enough to help me be a better person and to get my head out of my A$$ a little bit more..

 

S.F. and Alpha you both mean well.... I understand you both and I thank you for both of your opinons and ideas.

[Lonestar]

if i recall correctly he was dating some nut-case psycho bytch on and off for 3 or 4 years.... why would such a "good" guy date a woman like that? its a big red flag to me...

 

Man, Alpha, you're really pissing on Pada's parade here. Let her enjoy it while it lasts. If this guy brings a smile to her face for the next couple weeks or coule years, it's better than nothing. If she were to walk around all cynical, she'd never smile again. Or maybe you two always go at it like this? I haven't been paying attention to the board. Pada stop defending yourself and your man. The more you defend him, the more you'll get stomped on if it does go sour some day and you come back and post about it.

[Lishy]

I am and I admit it, so what are you gonna do S.F.?

 

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

[SmoochieFace]

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

 

Yeah, I find it hilarious that a guy who is pushing 40 is still acting like he's some kind of badass punk... sounds like a little overcompensating may be going on here. Typical for those who are chronically insecure.

[Hot Coco]

Correct me if I'm wrong.. But isn't this the guy that just got out of a relationship a few weeks before you met him ?

 

You need to remember that there are 2 people in this relationship and he will be keeping his cards face down right now..

 

I think it is great that you are falling in "love" with this guy Pada.. But not enough time has gone by for him to fall in love with you..

 

He hasn't had the time to grow and learn like you have.. He is fresh out of a relationship.

Remember what a rebound is.. They are alway's great in the beginning..

 

As Lishy said.. Eyes wide open and trust your insticts.. ( which you already are )

 

I usually agree with you Art but not on this. You hare making sweeping generalizations that may or MAY NOT apply here.

 

My own situation does not bear out what you're saying here. I was THREE days out of a marriage when I met my H. Many people said rebound. But I didn't keep my cards face down. I was very open. Not everyone is the same when they come out of a relationship. You can't say he hasn't had enough time to grow OR that not enough time has gone by for him to fall in love.

 

He had what, 13 years in a marriage to grow. He's had 41 years of his life to grow. You don't ONLY grow when coming out of a relationship. And as far as not having had enough time to fall in love. I cannot for the life of me see how you can say that. That may be your opinion but you can't really base it on anything.

 

My H and I fell in love in a very short time as I've stated. I really think it has to do with people's maturity and scope of experience ...not with a set amount of time.

 

And someone here brought up a good point. That in that time you haven't seen how a person reacts to conflict, pain, etc. That you haven't seen the full scope of his personality. True. But if they're talking as much as H and I did during those early times then you really can get a sense of the person. Many, many clues to a person't character come out during long talks like they're having.

 

How does he talk about his ex-W. How was the divorce handled. Why did he fall in love and out of love with W and g/f. How he handles child-rearing. Is he even their lives? (Sounds like he is) How does he handle business conflicts and business ups and downs. What were his biggest mistakes in life and how did he handle them? And on and on and on. YOu see what I'm saying?

 

I knew SO much about my H's character from what he told me AND from watching him myself...before we ever had our first fight.

 

Anyway, that's been my experience. Sounds like Pad is taking it slow and really watching him like I did. That's smart.

[alphamale]

Man, Alpha, you're really pissing on Pada's parade here. Let her enjoy it while it lasts.

Ok LONESTAR, I will stop it but just because you want me to. Very few on LS could make me do this...

 

I will cease and desist...

[whichwayisup]

Ok LONESTAR, I will stop it but just because you want me to. Very few on LS could make me do this...

 

I will cease and desist...

 

**WWIU falls over and notes today's date...**

[Hot Coco]

Yeah, I find it hilarious that a guy who is pushing 40 is still acting like he's some kind of badass punk... sounds like a little overcompensating may be going on here. Typical for those who are chronically insecure.

 

My theory is that it's an act. It's not really who he is but he never wants to feel vulnerable so he wears that mask...either that or the guy still hasn't grown up yet.

[Lishy]

Blah blah blah

[Art_Critic]

Nice Post Hot Coco..

 

Basically what it really comes down to is vodoo.. Every relationship is different..

 

Even though in the end of them we see they really follow a pattern... That doesn't mean we shouldn't try in the first place

[SmoochieFace]

My theory is that it's an act. It's not really who he is but he never wants to feel vulnerable so he wears that mask...either that or the guy still hasn't grown up yet.

 

 

What a terrible way to live!

[Lonestar]

Ok LONESTAR, I will stop it but just because you want me to. Very few on LS could make me do this...

 

I will cease and desist...

 

That's my boy

[basscatcher]

Pada stop defending yourself and your man. The more you defend him, the more you'll get stomped on if it does go sour some day and you come back and post about it.

 

I believe everything in life is a lesson. We learn from everything. Enjoy the good times, keep dreams alive and when you are hurt, grieve it, let it go pick yourself up brush yourself off and move forward with the lesson and the memory.

 

Even if the relationship should go sour I still can look back and remember what i felt and cherish the fact I can feel and I can grow and I can love and I can HEAL..

 

I know reality but some people don't.. Alpha thinks on the negative alll the time.. He doesn't know how to see the colors of the rainbow and their beauty. he just sees the bow in the sky.. He doesn't look at the beauty in things he only looks at the use of it. He isn't a glass half full or empty person typically.

 

I like to hear the differnt views and angles. It helps me open my mind up for more knowledge. Doesnt mean I agree with it all or I will believe it.

 

ALPHA and A_C yes he got out of a off again and on again relationship of 3 years 2 months ago. That is why we hung out and didn't have sex for a month. We have been taking it slow and holding back until this last weekend.

 

I have dated off and on all summer. I met 7 guys in 8 months.

Here is my history:

I was with my exh for 11 1/2 years, two months later I started seeing a guy that lasted 4 1/2 years, then one month later I started dating a guy for 1 1/2 years then after him 2 months later I started dating a guy for 6 months.

 

I went to see a therapist about my pattern because many people were jumping my shty about dating so soon after a break up.

 

The councelor told me that there are people with do the greiving and seperation while still cohabitating in the routine of the relationship but their hearts and mind are not there. She told me that is how I am.

 

She is right. I stay until I am nothing but a shell going through the pattern but my heart and mind are not there. I grieve the relationship while still physically in it but I am seperated from it.

 

I know where Mr. L is. and from the history I have recieved about his off and on relationship with his exgf: it wasnt sexually charged, it wasnt affectionate, they never lived together, never spent the night at each others homes, from the sounds of it (his kids confirmed lots of it) they were more like friends and that was it. He felt very alone being involved with her because she is aloof, distant, moody, has mental health issues on lots of medications. from what it sounds out of 3 years he probably averaged relationship status with her about half of the 3 years. so figure 1 1/2 years of the relationship being real where they actually were in couple mode... It sounds and looks to me like he stayed invoved with her because she gave him some companionship. He wasn't ready to get into a real relationship that could develop into mariage. She isn't marriage material so that is safe ground for him not to have to commit. Why the hell not stay with someone like that if your not ready for commitment.

He got the space he needed and he also got some attention he needed.

sounds shallow but it seemed to be a mutual situation..

Not too different from some of the threads I've read in LS.

[Lonestar]

Yeah, I find it hilarious that a guy who is pushing 40 is still acting like he's some kind of badass punk... sounds like a little overcompensating may be going on here. Typical for those who are chronically insecure.

 

I don't think he's insecure. Alpha is an essential part of the Shack. He forces everyone to look at situations from another perspective, which may be extreme at times, but there really are some men out there that think like him. I think much of what you read as "badass" is some downright funny sarcasm, enough to make ME laugh. It wouldn't be the same around here without him.