smile95 Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 ok. I posted this in addition to another post on here that I have been involved in, but wanted some mor opinions..... Mosat of you know my story, if you do not, it does not matter... I had my first date since the ex and I split. It was great! he is everything I have wanted and so polite. With the ex, we met drunk. We made out all day on the first night we met.....so I was attracted to him, but decided that the alcohol had a lot to do with that. The new guy.....good looking, but that intial attraction was not there, but as we talked he got beter looking! No drinking involved! So my questions is.....after I have been thru a ton of crap, I want to feel good on the inside and happy and not so much think my mate is a "hottie". It helps though......but can't attraction grow? Did anyone first date someone who they did not think were so good looking but after you get to know them, they are the best looking person ever? If I had to choose great looking and emotional abuse vs good looking and treats me great, I would go for #2. Just wondering if atration can evolve?
exotic_virgin Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 my Answer is YES YES YES, cause in the end the reason we are attracted to a certain look in the first place is that we associate, those looks with the desirable qualities we are looking for... Now if you are feeling attracted already the chances are that this can grow more.... Actually usually for me the ones I am attracted to initially die away fast... But the ones that its a build up can grow into a real fruitfall relationship.... Good luck darling....
Author smile95 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 aw thanks!!! Just what I watned to hear!!!!! I guess it is like a song.....the mor you hear it, the more it grows on you! I am actaully smiling today!!!!!!!!!!! Not crying! YAHOO
slubberdegullion Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Yes, attraction can absolutely grow. What may start as a physical yearning for another will, with time, good luck and work, evolve into an attraction to the parts of the person that you cannot see: their personality, their ambition, their kindness, their willingness to put the seat down, etc. Congrats on the smile! Good on ya!!
glittergurl Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Sure it can. No great mysteries about that. The opposite is true also; people you initially find handsome can eventually look butt ugly after they've hurt you.
Author smile95 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 Sure it can. No great mysteries about that. The opposite is true also; people you initially find handsome can eventually look butt ugly after they've hurt you. oh how true! Thanks guys....hard to transition into dating again...the fact that I found my ex so attractive and the fact that he is my ex shows me looks are not everything...this guy treats me sooo well! I am happy.
basscatcher Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 but can't attraction grow? Did anyone first date someone who they did not think were so good looking but after you get to know them, they are the best looking person ever? If I had to choose great looking and emotional abuse vs good looking and treats me great, I would go for #2. Just wondering if atration can evolve? OMG YES YES YES YES!!!! I am in this situation and I feel like I am falling in love already.. I met this guy through a matchmaker. When I saw him he reminded me of a farm boy. He wasn't unattractive, he was handsome but not pretty boy gorgeous. I have been clubbing for the past 8 months after my breakup with my exbf. I was use to drop-dead gorgeous guys, that looked super hot, clean cut, dressed nice, smelled good but all of them are players. Looking for a Benefit. I am not looking for a benefit I am looking for long term future.. I wanted my cake and I wanted to eat it too. So when Mr. Average Looking came into my life I was disappointed but not disappointed with who he was as a person. He has a great personality, is a complete gentleman, treats me very very very very well and Mr. Average Looking is not Very Very Very Handsome to me. I love his blue eyes, his ruggedness, his smile, I like the way he shapes his goatee, his hair is super soft and he always smells good. So Yes attraction can grow.. I am very opinionated and picky as hell about things. I love beauty. I love to paint and draw, I love nature and flowers. I love beautiful and attractive visions. With this in mind you can see I love a handsome man. So it was difficult for me for the first few meetings and after the first week he has embossed in my head and now he is started to enter into my heart. It has been almost a month and I am falling ..... don't fret.. If this guy is good to you and you adore him as a person and you find him average looking of JUST good looking. Your feelings will develop if he has all the personaly, morals and values you are looking for in a partner.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Beth- OMG YES! When I met my husband I though ehhhh, he's okay, perhaps I'll go out on a date with him and give it a chance. Today, I look at him and know all that he is- as a man, husband, father, teacher, friend, lover, son and he takes my breath away somedays.
Author smile95 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 OMG you guys I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! I feel 100% better! I cannot believe I am finally taking a step away from the abusive ex!!! It feels great. This man is a great person and everything I have wanted in a man/mate!!! I am so excited. I am having a hard time transitioning into being treated so well! What a great feeling. TOnight is the 2nd date and I cannot wait! Wow who wold have thought after all I went thru and all the time wasted, I would be here right now!!!!
Outcast Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 This man is a great person and everything I have wanted in a man/mate!!! Whoa, girl. You cannot possibly know this after one date. Sloooowww way down!!!!! This is how you could get sucked into another abusive relationship - by thinking someone is fabulous and perfect without knowing him well. Understand that you know next to nothing about him and that even extremely abusive men seem 'perfect' at the beginning. Do you think Lacey Peterson thought her husband would turn out to be a murderer? Everyone thought he was 'wonderful'. So take it easy and don't allow yourself to think he's everything I have wanted in a man/mate!!! for at least several months.
Author smile95 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 i know I am getting carried away...he is a cousin of my sisters friend and I guess what I meant was that I know about him and his morals and family and life and so far, he seems great! He comes from a great family and has a great head on his shoulders and he has never been married and no kids lie the ex did! A plus already....I guess I am getting carried away....just been a loooong time since I have been excited. At least this proves there really are other fish in the sea that do not hurt me!
Author smile95 Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 oh and also.....with the ex. He was a stranger i met at a restaurant. I knew NOTHING about him! NOTHING. THis guy I know a lot about before we even met, so it makes me feel better and also makes me feel better that my sister knows him and his family
basscatcher Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Beth Be careful about your enthusiasm.. If you show too much of it you make this guy run .... Believe me, I had to learn the hard way.. Find a gf that you can unload all this energy you are feeling. Make sure she understands that this is a high, a rush, and not to take it personally or for her to get all freaked out about. You do need to release all this pressure of excitment that is building up in you. If you don't find a way to let it escape you will pass it on to this guy and he will have red flags.. Enjoy what you are feeling but don't let it fly out of control. You do need to keep your eyes wide open. All guys seem great in the beginning if they show attraction towards us. But you do need to feel him out even if he is a friend of family or a friend. I'm not trying to burst your bubble but you still need to use caution. It's easy for women to just grab what we are feeling and run with it. Our feelings can either be our best friend or our enemy. As I read your post I understood what you are feeling and thinking and I can see others words of caution to you. Enjoy your feelings and this moment but hold it in check until a month or two down the road. You will have a better understanding and a clear picture. I spend almost every evening with Mr. Landscaper so we are getting to know each other quite fast. Typically when dating men and woman maybe see each other 1-2 times a week. I get to see my guy every day. How fast you get to know him, how much exposure you get into his personal life (family, friends) will show you more of who he is. How he acts and presents himself to others while in public--restaurants, clubs, will show you how he is. Enjoy but use caution in your actions so you dont scare him away and so you can see with your eyes wide open.
alphamale Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Be careful about your enthusiasm.. If you show too much of it you make this guy run .... Believe me, I had to learn the hard way.. Ahhh....but PADA, showing too much enthusiasm too quickly is a two-way street. Don't you think Mr. Landscaper is showing too much enthusiasm towards you???
basscatcher Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Ahhh....but PADA, showing too much enthusiasm too quickly is a two-way street. Don't you think Mr. Landscaper is showing too much enthusiasm towards you??? Ah, NO.. he isn't expressing himself in words to me about how he feels.. He doesn't cling to me like a cheap suit when we are out. He touches my back when we are walking he directs me to enter doors first with his hand on my back gently. he gives me a hug and a kiss when we meet and when we seperate--little things like that.. He doesnt over kill but I can see how he feels by his actions. He doesnt express his enthusiasm openly. it is suttle. If I was to open my mouth and just start expressing to him all the feelings he stirs in me he would run for the hills thinking I was getting possessive and clingy etc etc.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 YES! The longer me and my boyfriend have been together the more and more attractive i have found him to the point where i have never been attracted to anyone like this before and it's great! I remember when i first met him i wasnt that attracted to him, he was skinny a bit taller than me alright looking guy...but the more i saw him and spoke to him got to know him and looked at him the more attractive he became and it'll probably be the same for you - good luck!
Author smile95 Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 I answered my own question last night! I found him to be much more attractive already. I am so excited! (not too excited and not showing him) but on the inside I am glowing! I have waited so loing for this feeling again!!!!!! I took someone's advice on here(Sorry I forget who) and talk to my gfs and get excited...that was a good idea...I do not want to scare him off. We already havea 3rd date!!!!! .
lilmoma1973 Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Yeah it can happen .. My friend told me that her h wouldn't have been the type of guy she normally goes for !! She usually dated better looking guys .. But she feel in love and the rest is history!! I on the other hand was totally into my h and don't regret it one bit.. I guess it happens for some and others it is a attraction that is automatic !! Just goes to show you that everyone thinks and feels different !!! Good Luck
Mz. Pixie Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Beth- good for you! I think a couple of weeks ago you asked if anyone had ever given a old relationship up and got something better??? Now, you're seeing what we're talking about. Talk to your gfs about it or write in your journal but don't gush too much and scare this guy off!
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 my ex was mad into me since she first laid eyes on me, what does she see now that i am not attractive? she is gorgeous without makeup, her brother once said to me "stop looking at her so lovingly" 2 of my best friends got married recently, she mentioned to me how he isn't beautiful but it is what she wants a wise man once said 'you'll never understand women' how bloody true!
basscatcher Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 I answered my own question last night! I found him to be much more attractive already. I am so excited! (not too excited and not showing him) but on the inside I am glowing! I have waited so loing for this feeling again!!!!!! I took someone's advice on here(Sorry I forget who) and talk to my gfs and get excited...that was a good idea...I do not want to scare him off. We already havea 3rd date!!!!! . Hun, it was me that suggested you talk to your gfs ... So you don't overwhelm him and turn him to the hills. I am glad you found that as a avenue of releif. I still do that even though I'm one month into this relationship. We as women are creatures of extreme emotions and they definetly overwhelm most men if the should get a glimpse into them. I also believe, even being married for years women should still turn to their gfs to unload those extrememly high strung feelings. Men just aren't typically equipted to handle strong emotions from women. Men are logical; whereas, women are emotional. I'm really happy things are working out, you found a venue to exhert your feelings and excitement, and you have a third date. Just make sure you don't over starve him from your thoughts of him, but make sure you keep them in check so you don't give too much. I think the best measure is always give back the amount you recieve.
Yamaha Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 If you are in the right frame of mind it can happen. Some people will go into a relationship giving the person a chance and they may find a growing interest in them. Others have already decided that they are not what they want and are unwilling to open the door. Use your mind for it is your greatest sex organ.
Nur Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 The idea of growing more attractive is definitely true. I always thought my boyfriend was cute (even when we were just friends) because he's a good-looking guy. But that was pretty much it: "Yeah, he's cute." End of thought. But now we've been dating for months and are extremely attached to one another. I was initially pretty indifferent about him, but that changed as I got to know him better and spent more time with him, and now my life as I knew it before seems empty without him, and I am closer to him than I have been with anyone before. Now, when I look at him, I just stare in amazement sometimes because I see more than just the outside. The expression in his eyes, knowing that that look of profound love is directed at me... the shape of his hands, knowing their gentleness... the way he smells, even without cologne... It's enough to make my heart skip a beat sometimes. There's just so much more to a person than initial appearance. Once you know the person within, and realize what an amazing soul is within that body, it sort of illuminates them from within. I guess that's why people stay married. Otherwise you'd divorce the wrinkly old man who is your husband. The outside attraction only brings you together, and then it must be the person inside that you love.
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