yoyo Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Hi, Looking for some advice really from the girls out there. I've been with my girlfreind now for 3 months, I love her to bits, and try to give her everything she wants, but there's a problem....It's a bit personal too!!!!! The problems in the bedroom you see, I myself am quite a open minded lover, I have no problems with giving her whatever pleasure she requires, I feel the need to pleasure her orally, a) because I know she loves it b) I like to do it because I want to pleasure her and reach a high level of intamciy. Now I can guess all you reading this now, know where this is going...... She has only over the last 3 months given relief once.......she is reluctant to and has told me that she has never had a problem with giving it to past boyfriends, which in all honest hurts like hell to hear that............ I have nothing strange downstairs, in fact every other partner I've had as never had an issue with it. She tells me she loves, she tells me that I'm sexy, I'm a good person, & that she adores my body.......... but in all honesty I fell fustrated basically because I now feel there is something wrong with me or with the relationship, why can she pleasure her past partners she has loved but won't with me?!?!?!?!?!?!? yoyo x
Cecelius Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Because she has it built in her head that she doesn't "need" to do that for someone who loves her... Basically, it's on her short list of stuff she doesn't have to do with you because you are nicer than other boys and let her get away with not doing it. If my g/f had done it in the past for other dudes and wouldn't for me, absent some traumatic event, I'd see it as a significant mental issue and would break up with her.
Author yoyo Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 Thanxs for reply to my thread.... Basically, it's on her short list of stuff she doesn't have to do with you because you are nicer than other boys and let her get away with not doing it. I totally agree with you...She has told me that I am nicer than her other b/f and yes I do and have thought that she thinks I will let her get away with it. But the problem is I do love and adore her to bits, she is the woman I have most wanted to be with, but I can't get my head around this....I don't feel desired, in fact it makes me dream (when I'm alseep) of women giving me pleasure, more than I ever have done so it is bothering me deep inside which is worrying because I want to be failthful to her, I feel like that some time down the line I will fall for temptation for this purpose. I have spoken to her about it and told her how I can't see us going furhter in the relationship without it, she in turn made me feel like a sex freak, scorned me cos I'm willing to walk away from the relationship just for sex......eeeer hello!!!!! wtf!!!!!!! I hear you say!!!!! just don't know what to do don't want to walk away cos I love her, but don't want to not feel desired cos she not prepared to share initmacy!!!!!! yoyo:(
ycagwyw Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 This is a tough one. On one hand, I feel like if you really love her, this one issue should not be a "make it or break it". On the other hand, I am baffled as to why she does not have the desire to please you that way after you have explicitly asked for it. Look -- it's not my favorite thing, but if I know a guy likes it, then I do it when he asks and even try to do it spontaneously every so often. The reason women don't like it more, in my opinion, is because of how BJs are portrayed a lot of times in movies and stuff. It looks nasty and degrading. And did you ever notice that "Suck my dick" is used as an insult? Sorry boys, it's your own fault that you don't get more head! My other question is WHY is she so resistant to doing this for you? What is her reason? Have you asked her what it is about?
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 For me personally, i love to know that i'm pleasuring my man and i worry about whether i meet his needs in the bedroom etc but when it comes to bjs he's a big lad and if it goes to far down the throat i nearly vomit on him (because its a natural reaction not because im repulsed - you know what i mean) - that embarrassed me...alot and made the whole experience unsexy and undersireable and made me feel like i was about to be sick.....so i've kinda been put off a hell of alot but my boyfriend understands etc so i do it not that often and he's ok with it - That might be the case with your girlfriend who knows! Maybe you should get a lil kinky, 1. Set the atmosphere pre hand (candles, dimmed light, totally relaxed, some wine or alcohol, whipped cream etc) get out a pair of handcuffs or whatever to tie her down with and a blindfold. 2. Get something to eat together watch a movie make and evening of it. 3. Go upstairs sit on the bed drinking the wine or whatever talking about allsorts then leer on to the subject of sex and tell her you want to try something that involves trust and relying on the sense of touch. Promise to be gentle and stop whenever she wants. 4. Gentlytie her to the bed frame and blindfold her then long gentle foreplay (just foreplay) use alsorts dildo's whipped cream kiss her allover even her toes! Remember talk to her tell her she's got a beautiful body blah blah blah take your time! remember just foreplay! 5. When you've done untie her etc lie next to her for a while cuddle kiss etc then after a whilesay it's your turn to trust her! Give her the whipped cream or what ever your using get your blindfold on lie down and enjoy!!!! If she doesnt seem to be going for the ...bj... maybe drop a few hints but dont say 'suck my dick' its - not nice....try someother wording. If she doesnt go for it after that...then wait till the next night and TALK to her about it because that how relationships work...otherwise it wont work. good luck!
glittergurl Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Maybe I'm having a blonde moment here, but are you saying she won't give you a hand job?
Lishy Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Maybe I'm having a blonde moment here, but are you saying she won't give you a hand job? No GG she wont suck his winkle!!!!! Sod tying her up - If your partner doesnt satisfy you sexually and you feel like you are not desirable to them it will affect all aspects of your relationship!!!!! Therefore it is quite a big problem ..... It affects your confidence and self esteem and slowly eats away at your love. This needs to be discussed seriously - Let her know you love her and that it is not a put down on her (she may take is personal) explain how it makes you feel un-desired by her - You HAVE to deal with this as it's a big deal to you - Others may give or take it but this is affecting you, and that in turn will affect her! Talk to her again or you may both end up miserable or single!!!!
glittergurl Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Ahh, thanks for clearing this up, Lishy! Well, maybe she doesn't dare to tell you that you should shave your salty balls first?
Author yoyo Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 thnxs for getting back to me. NightsInWhiteSatin, thnxs espiceally for your tips I'm afraid I've tried all but one, so far. ycagwyw - The reasons she's given are that she dosen't know why?!?!?!?....she did say that my past makes her feel insecure, thing is I've never discussed my past - which makes me think this is just an excuse, and lets be fair it's not like her ex's or herslf haven't got a past!!!! I do agree with Cecelius.... Basically, it's on her short list of stuff she doesn't have to do with you because you are nicer than other boys and let her get away with not doing it. I did try and talk to her about it last night, she just thinks I'm not serious...and jumps to other non sexual issues and is so adiment that it isn't important in the relationship even tho I feel that I will never be desirable to her like her ex's.... Just for Lishy and Glitergirl - Yes my balls are nicey trimmed, no cheese on my cock either lishy, scrub the old boy at least twice a day!! As I've said past parnters have always enjoyed it giving me, there has never been an issue. yoyo
Cecelius Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Just remember that from her perspective she is not doing anything "wrong" She has decided that to feel secure and healthy in a relationship, she needs to be with someone who doesn't make her do that or for whom she doesn't feel any pressure to do that. I tend to agree -- but I also think that it's only working if she's excited enough to do it of her own accord. Basically, she feels nice and easy-going in your relationship...And not at all turned on -- to her you are a nice guy. She has dated the bad boys before and prefers what she has with you. Lord help you if you get married...
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