younglady49 Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Hi, I recently broke up with my ex about a year ago. I always have contact with him either by phone or e-mail. I had dated my ex-b/f on and off for 9 years. I have always done the breaking up. There were things about him that I could not accept. He is a recovered alcoholic of 25 years. My father is also an alcoholic. He is 13 years older than I and not a very healthy person. I have never made a clean break from him. He also holds on because we love each other and don't want to date others and we haven't for the past 9 years. So how do I break the cycle? Do I want my cake and eat it too? When we are together, we don't have sex but kiss alot. We go out for dinner on Sundays and spend time with the dog. I have changed my life in learning about myself by getting into different hobbies like ballroom dancing and swing. There is a problem tho, he has a cute little pug, that when I am away from him, he misses me. Yes, it sounds silly, but it is true. So I have visitation rights to spend time with him. Because of this situation, we always remain in touch with each other. I don't want to lead him on and he knows what my intentions are. I think he "hopes" that we will get back together. My past record has shown him that I do come back and he always takes me back so willingly. But I know this time, I need to work on me and my issues and being with him will only make me resent the relationship. Knowing all this, I still can't break away. We were just on-line a few minutes ago and I still cry wishing things were different. Why can't I let go of these feelings for this man. Any ideas or input would be truly appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnJohn Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 You need to force yourself to make a clean break. Cut off or significantly minimize the contact with him. You're spending too much energy on something that, from what it sounds like, won't ever be healthy. To find a healthy relationship, you must cleanse yourself of everything unhealthy. Otherwise the healthy relationship that you want can't find it's way to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimi34 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I'm in the same boat, I have been in a relationhip for 8 years I broke up with him due to his lack of commitment to me. But I can't cut the ties I talk regulary to him and we act the same as when we were together, I haven't seen him in 9 months but talk frequently, I can't have a healthy relationship until I stop contact. The question is, how do you stop it, when you still care for the other person and they are your Best friend? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnJohn Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 You just stop contact. I know it's hard and you can still care about the person but that doesn't mean you have to sustain contact. Wish him the best and let it go. It won't be fair to anyone else that enters your life if you are still hanging on to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 There is a problem tho, he has a cute little pug, that when I am away from him, he misses me. Yes, it sounds silly, but it is true. So I have visitation rights to spend time with him. That is Silly..Now that is nothing more than a ploy to keep him in your life.. It's not about the dog.. he would be fine.. I agree with every one else.. Clean Break .. and NC. Oh .. And go out and get another dog that is yours if you must have a dog in your life.. Link to post Share on other sites
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