Out of town at Strip Club

[Sunny Day]

I'm having issues with my husband going to a strip club. He works weekends out of town and that's hard enough for me to deal with and then he admitted that yesterday after drinking way too much at a sports bar and avoiding my phone calls for hours, he was at a strip club. He finally called me 5 hours after I last talked to him and after he told me he was going back to his hotel when the game was over. (which obviously was a lie) I suppose I'm really touchy right now, I'm expecting our baby in a couple months, but he knows me very well and knows it would bother me if he went to a strip club but he went anyway. I don't have anything really against strip clubs, we've gone together before, but it would be so easy for him to cheat and bring someone to his hotel and me to never find out about it. And by the way, his excuse for not calling me back all those hours was that his cell phone wasn't getting a signal. Funny, how his phone has worked numerous times today to leave messages for me which I'm too upset to answer right now. Am I off the deep end or am I justified in feeling like I've been made a fool of? A big, fat, pregnant fool!

[RainyDayWoman]

it doesn't sound like there was ever a huge amount of trust to begin with...

[StillFeelUgly]

I knew my husband of four years had begged a lifelong friend to hit their favorite New Jersey/New York strip clubs a few times early in our marriage, but I was completely unprepared to have 11 hard core porn mags and various strip club flyers spill out of engineering plans he brought back from a trip out of town (bummer for him, too). All of a sudden it made sense that he would never have phone sex with me when he was out of town (jerked dry I suppose), that I could never do anything right in or out of bed, and that he chose to start his almost weekly trips out of town before our son was even 4 weeks old. He said he never got lap dances, rarely had to pay cover and only had a drink or two, but the money he was willing to give to other women any one night would have far exceeded the $50 gift certificate he bought for me for my birthday (since then he's slowly admitted to regular dances, covers, drinks but "only enough VIP rooms to count on one hand"). It mattered to me that we were saving money so that I could eventually stay home to raise our child, so his extra curriculars with hard working single moms hurt me to the core. He said he'd stop going and continued travelling every week to every other week. When our second son was 6 months he said he didn't want to come home from work because I didn't look so good anymore. I lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks by totally losing my appetite, and bought all new clothes to look like the 20 year old I was when I last weighed so little. He seemed pleased and started coming home for dinner again. Then I agreed to bring the boys to a company fun day (there are 30 people in the company). He had been out of town the night before, and I later learned after finding purple glitter on his boxers and that sickly-sweet perfumed ass smell all over his dress clothes, that he'd been to a VIP room with Roxanne curtesy of his boss. Here I'd paraded around his office with my new dress size and kids while the only talk of the day had been the hot body my husband had gotten the night before.He is a very good dad to the two boys we now have and we have saved enough for me to be home with the children.I now have the job I always wanted. It still hurts though, and the fact that everyone at his office knows he's a big clubber and joins in whenever possible has led me to direct a lot of my anger at them. I don't know if I hate the lying or the looking like a fool or the lost money the most. I know my husband hates that I don't trust him now, and I hate that I have a gun to my head to do anything every night in bed or risk his return to the clubs full time. I'd like to say it is no big deal the way I did when I found out about the clubs in Jersey, but some where we crossed a line and his being gone all of the time exacerbated things.

I hope this isn't you in four years, but if I had it to do all over again, I'd still want him to be my husband, and I would still want to have both my children.

Somehow, I'd just want to have seen the line and done anything possible to steer my family clear. PS. I'm still refusing to accompany him to the office Christmas dinner with spouses. I just don't think I'll be hungry...Your thoughts?

[MrsP]

I knew my husband of four years had begged a lifelong friend to hit their favorite New Jersey/New York strip clubs a few times early in our marriage, but I was completely unprepared to have 11 hard core porn mags and various strip club flyers spill out of engineering plans he brought back from a trip out of town (bummer for him, too). All of a sudden it made sense that he would never have phone sex with me when he was out of town (jerked dry I suppose), that I could never do anything right in or out of bed, and that he chose to start his almost weekly trips out of town before our son was even 4 weeks old. He said he never got lap dances, rarely had to pay cover and only had a drink or two, but the money he was willing to give to other women any one night would have far exceeded the $50 gift certificate he bought for me for my birthday (since then he's slowly admitted to regular dances, covers, drinks but "only enough VIP rooms to count on one hand"). It mattered to me that we were saving money so that I could eventually stay home to raise our child, so his extra curriculars with hard working single moms hurt me to the core. He said he'd stop going and continued travelling every week to every other week. When our second son was 6 months he said he didn't want to come home from work because I didn't look so good anymore. I lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks by totally losing my appetite, and bought all new clothes to look like the 20 year old I was when I last weighed so little. He seemed pleased and started coming home for dinner again. Then I agreed to bring the boys to a company fun day (there are 30 people in the company). He had been out of town the night before, and I later learned after finding purple glitter on his boxers and that sickly-sweet perfumed ass smell all over his dress clothes, that he'd been to a VIP room with Roxanne curtesy of his boss. Here I'd paraded around his office with my new dress size and kids while the only talk of the day had been the hot body my husband had gotten the night before.He is a very good dad to the two boys we now have and we have saved enough for me to be home with the children.I now have the job I always wanted. It still hurts though, and the fact that everyone at his office knows he's a big clubber and joins in whenever possible has led me to direct a lot of my anger at them. I don't know if I hate the lying or the looking like a fool or the lost money the most. I know my husband hates that I don't trust him now, and I hate that I have a gun to my head to do anything every night in bed or risk his return to the clubs full time. I'd like to say it is no big deal the way I did when I found out about the clubs in Jersey, but some where we crossed a line and his being gone all of the time exacerbated things.

I hope this isn't you in four years, but if I had it to do all over again, I'd still want him to be my husband, and I would still want to have both my children.

Somehow, I'd just want to have seen the line and done anything possible to steer my family clear. PS. I'm still refusing to accompany him to the office Christmas dinner with spouses. I just don't think I'll be hungry...Your thoughts?