libra103 Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Is there any success stories here? By success I dont just mean did any of the OW get their MM..I want to know if anyones feels better NOW. Who overcame their obstacles & live a HAPPIER &/or EMOPTIONALLY HEALITER life now?? I have read ALOT about how NC is the answer. & I want to know who has successfully overcame their MM or how NC was their answer. I am debating NC & struggling b/c I feel like NC is giving up or not giving my feeling the respect they deserve- BEFORE everyone jumps to criticize just b/c we are having an A doesnt mean my feeling are wrong, the situation yes but my feelings are still real! I feel like I am hitting the point where I really just cant take anymore but I am just hesitant b/c I dont want to cheat myself out of such a feeling of love....even if it is just 1/2 of the time : ( this is very hard. I shake my head at myself as I am writing this, but its easy to set a plan just hard to act it out ENTIRLY!!! The past 6-8 months I have constantly sat down & thought of this chaotic situation I am in & I plan to begin NC the next day & I cant when he is sitting there or on the other end of the phone I just cant bring myself to it. I dont want to lose what we have, BUT I dont want to keep sharing the man I love with anyone else. I am honestly sickened by the way any of my options at this point can play out. Something has to give.
HokeyReligions Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 I dont want to cheat myself out of such a feeling of love....even if it is just 1/2 of the time It's not just half the time, it's also half the love. Imagine if you have a love that is whole. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Its going to hurt leaving him, but its hurting staying too and staying doesn't give you any opportunities for your future. Staying is the cheating yourself out of a future.
glittergurl Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 I don't believe there are any happily-ever-afters in these situations. Especially not if there are children involved; there will ALWAYS be a bitter side to the relationship. Always.
TheDiva Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Is there any success stories here? By success I dont just mean did any of the OW get their MM..I want to know if anyones feels better NOW. Who overcame their obstacles & live a HAPPIER &/or EMOPTIONALLY HEALITER life now?? I have read ALOT about how NC is the answer. & I want to know who has successfully overcame their MM or how NC was their answer. I am debating NC & struggling b/c I feel like NC is giving up or not giving my feeling the respect they deserve- BEFORE everyone jumps to criticize just b/c we are having an A doesnt mean my feeling are wrong, the situation yes but my feelings are still real! I feel like I am hitting the point where I really just cant take anymore but I am just hesitant b/c I dont want to cheat myself out of such a feeling of love....even if it is just 1/2 of the time : ( this is very hard. I shake my head at myself as I am writing this, but its easy to set a plan just hard to act it out ENTIRLY!!! The past 6-8 months I have constantly sat down & thought of this chaotic situation I am in & I plan to begin NC the next day & I cant when he is sitting there or on the other end of the phone I just cant bring myself to it. I dont want to lose what we have, BUT I dont want to keep sharing the man I love with anyone else. I am honestly sickened by the way any of my options at this point can play out. Something has to give. I guess I could be a success by your posts definition. It has been years since NC with MM started. And honestly, though very painful, it was the best thing I ever did for me. I went through it all. Lonely, sad, felt I couldn't breathe, wanted to lay down and die, told myself I was willing to take whatever he could give me as long as he could just be in my life. I fell off the wagon a few times, then it happend. I ended up in one of the worst MM/OW situations I can think of. I ended up pregnant with his child. I convinced myself in my screwed up state of mind that this was "fated" and now we would be together and happy. But it was just the opposite, He ran right to W and told her his version of truth, swore that yes while we had had sex a few times it meant nothing. That I was crazy and the child wasn't his. So I was pregnant and alone. I was determined to have my child, prove him wrong, and move on with my life. But that was not to be either. I was in such a state of depression I couldn't eat and when I did eat it would come right back up. I couldn't sleep either. I ended up losing the baby because of this. And of course I did this all alone. My family, though concerned about me, kept telling me how it was for "the best". I of course contacted him, told him about the miscarriage, He was unconcerned, told me again that the baby wasn't his. I guess that was the turning point for me. I realized that he would say/do anything to protect himself. I didn't really matter to him. I just wanted someone to share my pain with, and he turned me away. I immediatly went into NC and kept it this time. It was still hard, somewhere deep down I was still partially in love with him, but knew he didn't want me. Over the course of the next few months, I was alternatly bitter, sad, happy, depressed etc. I went into IC, worked through all those feelings that I kept bottled up. Found myself, and built back up my own worth as a human being. Without realizing it, I had let him tear my self worth down. And I determined never again would I let any man, let alone a MM, make me feel any less worthy of anything! I found comfort in just being me! I stayed alone for awhile. When I started dating again, I found a few frogs. I have been hit on by more MM's but I told them quick, to take a long walk off a short pier. I got my life in order, deciding what I wanted and going for it, got my career in order, found a "prince" by accident and we are now married and have 3 beautiful children together. I rather like having a man that I can call all mine:) I look back at that time in my life shaking my head going "WHAT WAS I THINKING????":laugh: Without all the blinders, I realize that everything he did was for him, and I allowed myself to be used by him. I do realize I own half the blame for what happend. I was told by so many people, so many times, and I never listened. It was "different", it was "true love":rolleyes: it was______ you can fill in the blank with all the usual. Sad truth of it was it wasn't special at all. I wasn't anything important to him when push came to shove and he was faced with losing everything. (I know that not all MM/OW relationships are like this.) A few years ago I came face to face with W. She much surprised me by thanking me! Turns out after all that, they had stayed together for awhile, but when she found him cheating again, she kicked him out and divorced him post haste. We have found out that he has remarried several times, and is a serial cheat. While if I had it all to do again, I wouldn't have gotten involved with him at all. I am however thankful that the relationship turned out the way it did. ( Remembering that it has been years since and it took a long while to get over) My life now is very good. Of course my marriage is not perfect, but we make every attempt at keeping the lines of communication open. I think we have a very healthy relationship. We are best friends as well as marriage partners. Libra- your feelings are very real of course. But if you leave things the way they are nothing will ever change. I don't want to give you a false hope though, because MM hardly ever choose their OW, but as long as he knows you will be there when he wants you, he has no incentive to change anything. You say you don't want to cheat yourself......but honestly by being involved with him while he is married, you are cheating yourself. You are cheating yourself out of a complete love you deserve. It really hurts to be the "dirty little secret" and it can ruin your self image. I also know that no matter what anyone says to you, you will rationalize and doubt. Until MM pushes you over the edge you will cling to any small hope even if it may be a false hope. Nothing I or anyone can say to you will convince you otherwise. I do think you are slowly heading in the right direction. You want to be free to love him, or free of him, just so long as the pain is gone. Honestly, I wish you would go NC and stand firm that he stay away until he has the D papers in hand. But I also know it is difficult, you want to cling to the crumbs rather than demand more than he is willing to give you. NC is very lonely and I don't think it should be done if you are trying to get him to decide between you and W. I think NC should be done because you decide that you can live completely without him should he decide to stick with his marriage. Because until you are ready to demand better for yourself, you will continually find cause to keep in contact with him. Just remember if you decide you cannot do NC, you must be willing to accept your role as OW. I'm sorry if that's a little blunt but it is a sad truth. Keep posting, and reading. There are lots of people here on LS that can help you work through all these feelings. Good Luck
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