MaraR15 Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 Hi all, I (23F) have been dating this guy (22M) for around 2-3 months now. Things were going well, and I really like this guy, but sometimes I get confused by his actions. We usually chat daily around 1 or 2 times and it's usually a lot of messages we send. Anyway, he's gone on vacation for 3 weeks and I would hear from him every 2-3 days, but then the last reply I got from him was sunday, and it's now Saturday. He doesn't like messaging much and when we first started talking he would message every hour or so, but it's progressively gotten less as we've dated. Whilst he's been away he did message to say he'd love to call me sometime, and said two other times he'd try call that day if he had time, but I didn't get any call. He did say he was really busy though and it's been hectic, and he sometimes is like that anyway. like when he's hanging with friends he sometimes won't reply for a whole day or two (if he's with them the whole time). The only issue I have is that I can see he's been active quite a few times, but hasn't replied to me in ~6 days. Is this normal, or am I overreacting? I know he wasn't seeing anyone else before his trip, and we were close to becoming exclusive, but I just think it's easy enough to reply to someone you're interested in. Like when I'm busy I still want to talk and reply to him since I like him. I might add too that I was feeling a bit confused before he left as during the first month of us dating we'd go on dates, but then after that he mostly just comes to mine to hang out and basically we have sex and watch movies. So sometimes I get worried he sees it as just sex, but then he goes and buys me chocolates for my birthday and says he wants to call me when he's away on holiday. So I just get mixed signals. Any advice is much appreciated, and be as brutal as you wish haha. Like if I'm being to overbearing and overreacting then I'd like to know. Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 (edited) It sounds pretty casual. For not calling in a week? Who knows? Maybe he knows, maybe he doesn't. We can never get totally into someone else's head, but we can tie ourselves in knots trying to. We can make assumptions, but we may well be wrong. It's a vacation. In this case, it is time for him to disconnect from the real world, including the cute new person he met (you). Personally I have learned that if people are not willing or interested enough to respond positively to what I request, it is far better to just move on and let them go out of my life, because they are simply not a good match for me. Try not to obsess over it. That’s how we end up literally sick. Really, his vacation was planned long before you & has nothing to do with you. Edited January 21, 2023 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 I would say, give the guy a break. He’s on vacation. I know it’s hard but of course he’s not going to message as often because he’s on vacation. I say this partly because I think that’s a lot of messaging even when he is not on vacation. It’s a lot of texting especially considering that he has told you that he doesn’t like to text. You sound quite anxious to be in contact with this man which is why he is messaging with you, but that’s not really sustainable over time. It’s bound to decrease with time - don’t take that as a sign that he is not interested and just using you for sex. I would consider other things as well when gauging his interest in the relationship. So, I hope that you have something fun to do this weekend! My advice is to distract yourself and don’t text the man. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 5 hours ago, MaraR15 said: we were close to becoming exclusive,. after that he mostly just comes to mine to hang out and basically we have sex and watch movies. Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately he seems to view this much more casually than you would like. Step back while he's away and reflect if FWB or hooking up is something you want to bother with. If you would like an exclusive relationship/BF, he doesn't seem like the right guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 (edited) Replace the word "confused" with the word "angry." Get angry. He does just want sex. You called it. Don't put with this behavior. BTW: why don't you guys talk? Tons of free talking apps these days in addition to standard phone calls. You're seriously dating, you should be talking daily. You should assume the worst, that he's playing with others, he's cheating and that he doesn't really value you. Dump him. And don't feel bad about it. No one who is seriously dating stays out of touch for a week with someone they really like. Other than CIA operatives or Navy Seals, everyone else stays in touch. You can stay in touch for 15 minutes of talk. Everyone has 15 minutes. Why aren't you on vacation with him? Another red flag. Edited January 21, 2023 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 22 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Why aren't you on vacation with him? Another red flag. This is a red flag? They have been dating for 2-3 months. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, MaraR15 said: During the first month of us dating we'd go on dates, but then after that he mostly just comes to mine to hang out and basically we have sex and watch movies. So sometimes I get worried he sees it as just sex This is just me, but I wouldn’t be having sex with a man who I’m not dating - ie. we’ve had the exclusivity talk, I know he is not having sex with others, and we are still going out and having fun together (in addition to spending time together at home). Edited January 21, 2023 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 (edited) OP, are you and your guy exclusive? Did you ever discuss it? 2-3 months is typically when the subject is brought up, or sooner. Try to not make assumptions or mind read. Take a deep breath, go for a run to ease anxiety, something. Some men do have a tendency to get lazy once sex happens, hang at home, cuddle, watch movies, have sex. Doesn't mean that sex is all he wants. He does make effort to buy you little tokens of his affection which is a good sign. Bottom line is no one knows what's going in his head but him. And he's on vacation, his head is in a completely different space right now. My advice is when he returns, have a chat. Clarify things you've been confused about. None of us our mind readers. Edited January 21, 2023 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 (edited) You can make your point politely, from the point of view that you really want to stay in contact, that he enjoy staying in contact with him. Or you can go the more confrontational route of saying look, if he wants a relationship, this silence S### has to stop. Either way, get clear on what you want and expect from him. Clearly, this guy is a little in his own world (he might be a lot in his own world). Edited January 21, 2023 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 22, 2023 Share Posted January 22, 2023 Not contacting you in a whole week isn't normal. I don't care if he's on vacation or not. It's not hard to pick up the phone and send a simple text to let a person know you are thinking of them and still interested in them. It really sounds like either he has a low level of interest in you, or he views this as a very casual relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 22, 2023 Share Posted January 22, 2023 He's just not that into you, OP. Yes, he's on holiday. But a man who is interested and wants to keep the connection is naturally going to be inclined to contact you here and there. He's going to be eager to hear from you and share a couple things about his holidays. This man isn't doing that. It's not more complicated than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 23, 2023 Share Posted January 23, 2023 They way I see it is that its still so early, 2-3 months and you're not exclusive yet. I do personally think you are overreacting a little because you said yourself that he doesn't like texting. Have you tried calling him this past week? There's nothing you can really do until he comes back. Link to post Share on other sites
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