Author Malifecent Posted October 30, 2005 Author Posted October 30, 2005 Let's not forget that he told her he's been "separated" for a year. I can't stop laughing! Separated means separate DWELLINGS! It doesn't mean separate rooms in the same house (if that's even true!) hilarious... I know they aren't really separated...thats what "these" are for. As strange as it is no matter what the living situations are the w sees herself as "separated" as well she's been out with guys, this is not from the MM but from a mutual friend. When and if they actually seperate I know that he has another year of separation (notice the lack of "") before he could even divorce. I know people may not agree with this but to me separated, living in different houses, w knowing about me, and waiting a year for an impending divorce is acceptable for short term and I would not see myself as the OW then.
Art_Critic Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Secondly, I really can't see how anything you have said here holds up to any kind of scrutiny. So, if someone doesn't say they Won't do something, they're actually promising that they Will do it? Err... ok. Good luck with living your life by those assumptions. So your saying that you can't look back on your affair with an open mind ?? Interesting.. I'm just giving my opinions.. That is what LS is all about And I think I just punched a hot button of yours..
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Maybe that's okay with the MM. I imagine that his wife would have something of a problem with it. No doubt of that.
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 No. The reasons for him not leaving do not matter. He is still there. He is still cheating. If it smells like a duck, quacks like a damned duck...it's a DUCK! Did she ask if there's a future with him? I only remember the 2 questions of is he cheating and is she the OW. Then go back and read the OP?
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 hilarious... I know they aren't really separated...thats what "these" are for. As strange as it is no matter what the living situations are the w sees herself as "separated" as well she's been out with guys, this is not from the MM but from a mutual friend. When and if they actually seperate I know that he has another year of separation (notice the lack of "") before he could even divorce. I know people may not agree with this but to me separated, living in different houses, w knowing about me, and waiting a year for an impending divorce is acceptable for short term and I would not see myself as the OW then. I absolutely agree with you there and I know some people would not see it that way. But if he's really separated (no ") and living on his own then to me no, you would not be the OW and I don't consider him seeing you as cheating ( but some people might like you said.) His having a separate dwelling does show intent of divorce...the other way it really doesn't..no matter what he tells you. So when is he moving?
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 So your saying that you can't look back on your affair with an open mind ?? Interesting.. I'm just giving my opinions.. That is what LS is all about And I think I just punched a hot button of yours.. No, I'm not saying I can't look back on my affair with an open mind. I'm saying that this thread isn't about my affair. If you want to comment on my affair there are a couple of current threads here you could join in to. No, I don't think LS is about opinions. I think LS is about comment and shared experience, with 'opinions' coming in a very shoddy last place. I think I've expressed that view often enough for anyone to know that's how I feel. Incidentally, did you want to get back to your argument (dictionary definition) regarding promises might or might not being equal to 'not having said anything about'? Or do you want to keep attacking MY personal circumstances as some kind of diversion from that?
curly Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Outside of all the other arguments here... this guy is making empty promises. He's in the house. FYI - that's the original story my MM told me. I broke it off immediately but he came back guns blazing. My resistance was low and I haven't been able to resist since then. He's moved out 4 times (twice to my house), she knows about me but is not willing to concede (sp?). I have been in this thing with my MM for 1.5 years. I've left him so many times I can't even count them anymore. I was in NC (no contact) until last Friday night. Saw him at a happy hour and I was done for. We just spent the weekend together and said goodbye for the thousandth time..... As someone said earlier in this post, you can make your choices based on what he and mutual friends tell you. But you really don't know the truth until you hear the W say that she's out of the marriage. Until then, it's all hearsay. My MM told me so many lies, he had friends backup those statements. I've heard him speaking to his daughter about the separations. He did do it, but he went back. They almost 99.9% of the time go back. Take into account other's experiences. It is a long, painful road that will require you to crawl you way out in the end (probably). Turn back.... Step back and let him do what he has to do in order to be with you. He must be available to you, emotionally and physically. If he wants to be with you, he will show you that. That's what men do.
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 I absolutely agree with you there and I know some people would not see it that way. But if he's really separated (no ") and living on his own then to me no, you would not be the OW and I don't consider him seeing you as cheating ( but some people might like you said.) His having a separate dwelling does show intent of divorce...the other way it really doesn't..no matter what he tells you. So when is he moving? Yeah but Coco... that's all (still) irrelevant! Surely what matters is that there is some sort of future for Malficient with this particular person. After all, in all other areas of LS people's behaviour is the main criterion on which to judge things? Why would it be that in MM/OW it is all down to definitions? Are they so important? And if so (which, maybe true... !) why?
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Outside of all the other arguments here... this guy is making empty promises. He's in the house. FYI - that's the original story my MM told me. I broke it off immediately but he came back guns blazing. My resistance was low and I haven't been able to resist since then. He's moved out 4 times (twice to my house), she knows about me but is not willing to concede (sp?). I have been in this thing with my MM for 1.5 years. I've left him so many times I can't even count them anymore. I was in NC (no contact) until last Friday night. Saw him at a happy hour and I was done for. We just spent the weekend together and said goodbye for the thousandth time..... As someone said earlier in this post, you can make your choices based on what he and mutual friends tell you. But you really don't know the truth until you hear the W say that she's out of the marriage. Until then, it's all hearsay. My MM told me so many lies, he had friends backup those statements. I've heard him speaking to his daughter about the separations. He did do it, but he went back. They almost 99.9% of the time go back. Take into account other's experiences. It is a long, painful road that will require you to crawl you way out in the end (probably). Turn back.... Step back and let him do what he has to do in order to be with you. He must be available to you, emotionally and physically. If he wants to be with you, he will show you that. That's what men do. It's not what men do...it's what REAL men do! Excellent post curly!
Art_Critic Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 No, I'm not saying I can't look back on my affair with an open mind. I'm saying that this thread isn't about my affair. If you want to comment on my affair there are a couple of current threads here you could join in to. No, I don't think LS is about opinions. I think LS is about comment and shared experience, with 'opinions' coming in a very shoddy last place. I think I've expressed that view often enough for anyone to know that's how I feel. Incidentally, did you want to get back to your argument (dictionary definition) regarding promises might or might not being equal to 'not having said anything about'? Or do you want to keep attacking MY personal circumstances as some kind of diversion from that? NAW !! .. I think I'll let your posts stand on their own merits.. I have never attacked you .. I have brought forth a discusion that your only participation has been to shoot down my opinions.. And yes opinions are what LS is all about.. Sorry to hijack the thread and I'm done posting on this thread...Nothing I say can go any farther..
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Outside of all the other arguments here... this guy is making empty promises. He's in the house. FYI - that's the original story my MM told me. I broke it off immediately but he came back guns blazing. My resistance was low and I haven't been able to resist since then. He's moved out 4 times (twice to my house), she knows about me but is not willing to concede (sp?). I have been in this thing with my MM for 1.5 years. I've left him so many times I can't even count them anymore. I was in NC (no contact) until last Friday night. Saw him at a happy hour and I was done for. We just spent the weekend together and said goodbye for the thousandth time..... As someone said earlier in this post, you can make your choices based on what he and mutual friends tell you. But you really don't know the truth until you hear the W say that she's out of the marriage. Until then, it's all hearsay. My MM told me so many lies, he had friends backup those statements. I've heard him speaking to his daughter about the separations. He did do it, but he went back. They almost 99.9% of the time go back. Take into account other's experiences. It is a long, painful road that will require you to crawl you way out in the end (probably). Turn back.... Step back and let him do what he has to do in order to be with you. He must be available to you, emotionally and physically. If he wants to be with you, he will show you that. That's what men do. OP: As I said in my first post on this thread. THIS is what you need to be reading and listening to. Does it resonate with you and your situation? Can you recognise familiar arguments used with you? A pattern you're falling into? This is the only real reason to find sites like this one... they can show you where you're going down a familiar path, and help you to prevent a similar story unfolding.
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Yeah but Coco... that's all (still) irrelevant! Surely what matters is that there is some sort of future for Malficient with this particular person. After all, in all other areas of LS people's behaviour is the main criterion on which to judge things? Why would it be that in MM/OW it is all down to definitions? Are they so important? And if so (which, maybe true... !) why? I'm sorry Sami, I'm trying to understand this last post of yours but I don't. She's already made it clear that it's NOT irrelevant to her. She's made it clear that the only acceptable position for her to be in is one where she's NOT an OW. She said that she would not consider herself one when he moves out and I agreed with her. It's really very simple. Why do you want to muddly the waters and make it more complicated that it is? Don't know what you mean about definitions. She just doesn't like the idea that while he's still living with his wife he isn't really commited to HER - actions speak louder than words. What is so hard to grasp about this? I know you "get" that. I know you do.
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 IShe's made it clear that the only acceptable position for her to be in is one where she's NOT an OW. She said that she would not consider herself one when he moves out and I agreed with her. It's really very simple. Did I miss this? Quite possibly. Maybe it was a case of crossed posts. I don't honestly see that you or I would be in any disagreement about any of this to be honest. Again, I'll wait till the OP comes back to the thread. Anything else is just the usual debate about 'the pros and cons of being an OW'... who is in disagreement with the outcome of that debate..??
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 OK, maybe it's late and I missed that bit..? I'm not sure if you missed it or we're interpreting it differently?
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 "I know people may not agree with this but to me separated, living in different houses, w knowing about me, and waiting a year for an impending divorce is acceptable for short term and I would not see myself as the OW then." That makes it pretty clear to me what she finds acceptable and what she doesn't.
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 I'm not sure if you missed it or we're interpreting it differently? Quit responding to my posts before I edited them
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 "I know people may not agree with this but to me separated, living in different houses, w knowing about me, and waiting a year for an impending divorce is acceptable for short term and I would not see myself as the OW then." That makes it pretty clear to me what she finds acceptable and what she doesn't. Well no, to pick it apart, what she actually said was that in those circumstances she would regard herself as the OW (and I agree, that's exactly what I'd say). What matters is whether or not that's relevant to her reading of the situation, and (in a more complicated way) whether she, or we, are of the opinion that that determines (or doesn't) the possible outcomes of the situation. (with apologies to the OP who must be almost as fecked off with this debate as the situation with MM )
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Quit responding to my posts before I edited them Sorry, I didn't know I did. But anyway, no we're not arguing about what's right or wrong in this. We're only discussing this from OP's point of view given the info that she's provided. That's all. NOthing more and nothing less. This really isn't a debate of pros and cons of being an OW. It's only about OP's situation and what's acceptable or not acceptable to her. I think we've beaten this thing to death. Sounds like she knows what to do in her mind now..am I right, OP? (oops...forgot your name...sorry)
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Sorr I think we've beaten this thing to death. Sounds like she knows what to do in her mind now..am I right, OP? (oops...forgot your name...sorry) pmsl. Who the hell knows. Are you on the cocktails or what?
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 pmsl. Who the hell knows. Are you on the cocktails or what? What's pmsl? Nope, no wine tonight...that was last night.
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 What's pmsl? Nope, no wine tonight...that was last night. What's pmsl..? errrrrr... P**sing myself laughing. Coco... you're hilarious.
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 What's pmsl..? errrrrr... P**sing myself laughing. Coco... you're hilarious. Ok, now I feel like a dummy! You're funny too Sami...a real little clown!
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 You're funny too Sami...a real little clown! well if you take life so seriously you're really, REALLY fecked, eh?
Hot Coco Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 well if you take life so seriously you're really, REALLY fecked, eh? Absolutely true!
Sami_D Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 My MM lived for a while in NC. He was out there for a while (spooky as we're both in NC now lol)....
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