Do you break-up an LDR in person or not?

[StacyRose]

My LDR (of 4 years) may be ending. I'm unsure.. things are weird. Anyway. I think breaking up in person is the only way to go. It's the only way to have closure and to really say good-bye to the person. And, to make sure you both are ready to end things. What would any of you do if your LDR girlfriend or boyfriend wanted to end things? Would you really feel like it's an official breakup if you didn't even do it in person and say goodbye? Especially if you've seen each other many many times in person?

[makaze]

I broke mine off over email, obviously it wasn't classy or anything but simply necessary. Why would I wait for two or so months to do it in person when I wanted to break up with him? It would have been silly if I was giving him the impression that I still wanted the relationship while I was only actually waiting for that moment to tell him the truth.

[stjärna]

the problem with breaking up in person in a ldr situation is that when you arrange a visit, the other person is going to have lots of expectations, postive, ones, and, personally, i think that would make it more devastating. if you let him/her know in advance of your visit, kind of a heads up, then it could work.

[Azra]

My 4 year LDR just ended. He called and ended it. I also thought we shouldn't be saying goodbye over the phone but we did. I don't know how it would have been in person but it was still pretty devastating. It's only been 4 days so right now it doesn't feel official probably because of my strong denial and my lack of ability to feel angry.

[once_a_runner]

I'd stay it depends on how far away you are. If it's a couple hours of driving then do it in person. Also it you are breaking up with himyou should go to him. Don't make him come to you and then end things, that just makes it more akward. As for me, when I broke up with my LDR she was a $2,500 plane ticket away, so I sent a letter.

[downcydeguy]

Face to face is the way it should be done, but as you're reading here, there are extenuating circumstances sometimes. Just don't lead them on if you're absolutely sure it won't work out.

[alphamale]

if the entire relationship was based upon distance then why could not the breakup be based upon distance also?

 

In addition, once someone communicates to you that they don't want you around no longer it does not matter how they did it cause you are officially broken up. All it takes is for the msg to be delivered and the msg to be received. It does not matter if its by email, phone, smoke signals, or in person.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Face to face is the way it should be done, but as you're reading here, there are extenuating circumstances sometimes.

 

Agreed. Face to face is the ideal - with preparation as appropriate. But a big distance and a long wait can cause as many problems as a non-face-to-face break. The important thing is to think of both partner's needs and arrange the break smoothly and kindly.

[wendel1]

Well, when my long distance relationship finished (2000 miles) we saw each other one more time.

 

I travelled out there because I really needed closure face to face. We shed a few tears, gave each other a long hug and said goodbye. Even though I was sad at it ending, there was no real way it could work. 2000 miles is a long way, and it meant that one of us would have to relocate, which was too big a step for each of us. Looking back, even though i still regret it ending, it wa a nice way to end with no hard feelings.

[Lil Honey]

It DOES matter how it's done, because (unless it's mutual) someone is going to be hurt. A four-year relationship necessitates some respect.