Sloppy Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 Hey ya all. I've been reading through the posts here and find this site very helpful. I have noticed that there are certain ways of doing things while coping with infidelity, break-up, divorce, etc.... What I haven't found here is an advice on how to cope or come to terms with the death of a family member or SO. I know you go through the same stages, but it feels different. You can't really go NC, you can't ask for a second chance, you just need to accept. How do people accept faster. Any helpful tips for those who are going through such horrible loss? And if your friend's loved one died, how would you act as a friend? What kind of support would you offer? Thanks - Slop
Author Sloppy Posted October 30, 2005 Author Posted October 30, 2005 Did someone you know die recently? No, noone has died. I was just curious. Some posters here are going through it right now and all we have for them is words of compassion and empathy. It is all we can do I guess. That's why I was wondering. When you compare the # of replies on issues dealing with break-ups and the # on coping with death, it just blows my mind. I don't know if there is a way to 'speed-up' the acceptance process...
heartnsoul Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 I know you go through the same stages, but it feels different. You can't really go NC, you can't ask for a second chance, you just need to accept. How do people accept faster. Any helpful tips for those who are going through such horrible loss? The difference in feeling you're speaking of is called finality. The stages of grief can be very similar to that of a loss of a relationsip. Unfortunately, time is of the essence in dealing with both circumstances. There is no quick fix. The pain that's endured is something that no one can take away. I lost my mother to breast cancer at 18. I know all too well how traumatic the loss is. And if your friend's loved one died, how would you act as a friend? What kind of support would you offer? As a friend all you can do is offer a shoulder or ear for the person experiencing the loss. Having gone thru it, as a friend, your hands are tied. Comfort and compassion are all you can extend and father time has to do the rest.
quankanne Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 I remember reading some place "the only way around grief is to go through it," because you really can't circumvent or delay grieving, as rough as it is. But, time heals though you sometimes can't imagine how while you're in the midst of that grieving. How do you accept faster? By not denying it, I guess would be the best way to say it ... I've always thought that being supportive was the best thing you could offer someone who has lost a loved one; when I lost my mom, it was the one comfort I appreciated best when my friends rallied around me as they consoled me each in their own way. All of them were very good about letting me share memories about her, and in a way, it helped me to see that even though she's gone, she's alive as long as someone has a memory of her.
heartnsoul Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 quankanne You articulated my thoughts much better lol even though she's gone, she's alive as long as someone has a memory of her. Amen
flowergirl Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 My friend's father died last June, before I even met him, and he died back in my friend's country, making the loss all the more traumatic, so I try to be gentle and compassionate, and I suppose God and time will help with the rest.
grace2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 It's been said that grieveing a break up is like grieveing a death and it actually is. It's grieveing the death of a relationship. But on the subject of grieveing death there are no easy answers. The difference is that I don't think one can get over a death of a loved one. I lost my older brother 8 years ago and it was hell. The worst tragedy I've ever been through. I think summer time is the worst because he died in may. There are really no set stages of grief IMHO they come and go. I'm 25 now and I was 16 at the time he died. For me it's my personal faith relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ that helps me get through these days. He is the God of all hope and He comforts me. That and I believe my brother is in the presence of the Lord in heaven. I look forward to my own death and re-uniting with him and spending eternity with the Jesus who loved me enough to die on the cross for my sins & rise from the dead to give me eternal life. Yes I still miss my brother and I miss talking to him but I just have to hang in there.
Author Sloppy Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 Thank you all for sharing your stories.
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