unloved1 Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Please help me. I have no idea what to do or who to turn to. I did a very stupid thing about 6 weeks ago completely out of boredom. I placed an ad under craigslist (casual encounters), very erotic, just playing around seeing what kind of a response I was going to get. I received over 300 responses. Who knew there were so many guys out there looking for women. I promised nothing in my posting, and I don't feel I led anyone on in any way, shape or form. I responded to just about everyone that responded to me, politely declining. I didn't hurt anyone, except myself, or so it seems. I recieved one response from a man that wrote a nice email, and I felt he deserved a decent response in return. When I looked at his pic, I knew he was absolutely not my type at all, yet the more we spoke, the more intrigued I became. Like I said, my posting was erotic, not pornographic and we seemed to kind of hit it off. He left everything in my hands, giving me his number, telling me when I felt secure I could call, on and on. I'm going to try and give you the abbreviated version here, although it's going to be difficult. I agreed to dinner and we went out on a Saturday night. The minute I laid eyes on him, I thought to myself, friends only, but again, the more we spoke, the more intrigued I became. It was a date out of a fairy tale. The call came the next day, thanking me for a lovely evening. This guy definately knows the right things to do. We spoke over the course of the week, a date for Wednesday had to be cancelled until Saturday due to his work, which I was aware of his situation, so that wasn't a problem. That Saturday was better than the first one. Everything we had spoke about during the course of the week was incorporated into that date. He made me feel like the only woman on earth. Although we had discussed "friends-with-benefits", I felt there was more than that for me already, but too early to discuss it with him. I felt his actions spoke louder than words at that point. Suffice it to say the first 2 weeks were like a dream for me. Then things began to change. Whether it was me responding to his affections, or even appearing needy, I don't know. There have been excuses, phone calls not being made, but with always an excuse and him telling me that everything is fine with us, but now I'm sitting home in a position where I feel I've given up my power, and all control. How do you go from telling someone you want to be with them all the time, you can't stop thinking about them to nothing? Or at least I feel like nothing right now. I'm not a game player, and I thought he wasn't one either. Everytime he broke a date, he made up for it shortly thereafter. I felt we had hit a rough spot, personal problems, and the rain contributed to a work overload for him, which I completely understood. About a week and a half ago, I had invited him to dinner, I called him in the morning to see what time he was going to come, he said he didn't think he could make it, work was killing him, I offered to take dinner to him, he said sounds like a good idea, I'll call you when i'm going home. No call, for 5 days, finally on Sunday morning, I called and said I'm frightened, this isn't the man I met a month ago, I'm coming to your house right now, and if I knock on your door and you tell me to go jump in a lake, then so be it, but I need to know you're ok. Big shock, I got a call on my way down there. He claims he was in the hospital passing a kidney stone, and just got out and got my message. He was at his parents and would call as soon as he got home and got settled. That was Sunday night, no phone call. Monday the phone rang, He was so sorry and proceeded to tell me the entire ordeal he had gone through. He said he had a doctors appointment the next day at 3, and would call as soon as he got home from the doctor, he was exhausted, since everyone knows no one sleeps in a hospital. Tuesday came and went, no call. I called him on Wednesday asking what the doctor said. He did call back and we spoke for awhile. He made it clear that with being out of work for 4 days and not feeling well, plus the bad weather had really put him behind the 8-ball with work, and that we wouldn't be able to see each other until next week (this week approaching). I said, I have no problem with your schedule, I understand your priorities, but if I could be kept informed, that would be enough for now. He said, he had no problem with that and he would call me the next evening. I felt good about the call. Now it's been 3 days and no call. I don't want to call him and prompt a response. He has shown he knows what to do and how to treat a woman. I'm hurt and confused. I have given this guy every opportunity to dump me, at one point, when he was "cancelling" a date, I asked him point blank if he was trying to tell me something - he said, no absolutely not. Truthfully, if I had a psycho broad calling me and saying she was scared and coming to my house, and I was trying to dump her, I would have called and threatened a restraining order, but he didn't. I'm not physically threatening, I'm a little petite thing, nothing to be scared of. Also, this guy has confided a lot of personal information, and still does when we speak. If there was no interest, why would he continue to do this? I am very confused and need help. Do I call? Remember, this is an abbreviated version and I should let you know, in case it's not completely obvious, I think I might have really fallen for this guy, if not I wouldn't be feeling all this pain. I have lost 17 pounds since this began, and am so depressed I'm actually scaring myself. Please help me......
kitten chick Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 I think you already know, the right relationship shouldn't feel like this. Let him go and move on with your life. I wouldn't go back to dating guys who respond to an erotic add either.
Sloppy Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 I don't think you have fallen for the guy; you have fallen for the way he made you feel. He had offered you something you were missing in your life. Falling for someone after only a month and going through what you are going through doesn't sound healthy to me. It sounds more like co-dependency problem and addictive relationship. To me he doesn't sound like a winner - more like a sloppy person. How many more times does he need to cancel on you for you to kick him to the curb? Sorry you feel bad and depressed, but that shall pass. Sounds like staying with this guy would cause a lot more hurt later on. Obviously he is not being honest.
Author unloved1 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 I did, but I felt it was right for me, and everytime we have seen each other, it has not been to strictly sleep together.
Hot Coco Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 That's why I asked you the question. I think it's what I suspect. For YOU it wasn't all about that but for HIM it was. When he was being nice, he was just acting a part to get you into bed. That's not who he really was, as his later actions indicate. I'm not saying this to be mean but clearly he was just using you but what do you really expect from a guy who answers an ad like that. Even if you're "really" a NICE girl, his perception of you was anything but nice. Think about all the decent guys you've known in your life (can be relatives too, father, brothers, etc.) Do you think any of them would answer that kind of ad in hopes of finding a person to have a real relationship with?
Hot Coco Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Start eating again! Don't let that creep do this to you. Just chalk it up as a mistake and don't do it again. This isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person.
GuySimple Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 300 hundred responses! What did you say? Can you write one for me? Sorry totally insensitive. Not sure this is how you want to meet the love of your life. But hey if it feels right for you….
glittergurl Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 You know, I think this guy responded to your ad to get himself some a$$, and now it turns out you actually have feelings and want more, he has no clue what to do. I don't think he wanted anyone to get hurt there, but it sounds like he doesn't want to commit and has no idea how to handle it without hurting you. You know he's making up excuses for not showing up and calling. You have to get over it and find someone else.
Hot Coco Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 300 hundred responses! What did you say? Can you write one for me? Sorry totally insensitive. Not sure this is how you want to meet the love of your life. But hey if it feels right for you…. I don't think it's what she wrote that got her the responses (not that what she wrote wasn't great) but it's the fact that she's a female, Guy. You could put the same ad in (changing things where appropriate to make it applicable to a guy) and you wouldn't get NEAR the amount of responses that a female would. And yes, you made my point exactly. "Not sure this is how you want to meet the love of your life." Of course not. But it IS a way to find sex. That's all it IS for really.
Author unloved1 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 Guy- It's not how I want to meet the love of my life. I said it was a stupid mastake done out of boredom. I just happened to come across someone I thought was more than decent. I think my pain is coming from my error in judgement - yet again.
Hot Coco Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Guy- It's not how I want to meet the love of my life. I said it was a stupid mastake done out of boredom. I just happened to come across someone I thought was more than decent. I think my pain is coming from my error in judgement - yet again. Yes, but the point is that just as YOU weren't on there to meet the love of your life, neither was HE! You said "I think my pain is coming from my error in judgement - yet again" We all make more than ONE error in judgement in our lives! If it causes you a lot of pain every time you make in error in judgment, you will be in a LOT of pain in your life since we do all have many errors in judgement throughout our life time.
Lishy Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 He was obviously clever and knew exactly what to say to get in your knickers!!!!!!!! You where a challenge to him, and he conquered it!! There is a lesson to be learned here. You want him even more now that he has gone cold, and it will get even worse for you unless you try to move on. That is much easier said than done but IF you can do it then i suggest you do. Why cant people just be honest, its so frustrating. Not getting closure because he is so selfish and wants you as a back burner girl is despicable and he is now showing his TRUE colours! Take note of this because this is the person he really is!!!!!!!! You havent lost anything but a player. Learn a lesson by this and you will be stronger and less gullible!!!!
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