lexh Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Hello all, I have a very commplicated problem that I could use some third party advice on especially from someone a little older than I. OK, to start I am now 23 and my boyfriend is now 27. We have been dating for over 5 and half years. He is my first love and absolutley the love of my life. Our relationship past is very confusing so I will try to make sense of it so I can get some great advice. So we will start at me 17 him 21 met fell absolutley madly in love knowing I was moving to California after my high school graduation with my mom to pursue college. Six months pass and I hate california so I move back to my hometown and him who is in college and getting a associates degree. A year and a half later we are bascially living together but I am unhappy I feel stuck in this small town and I want somthing better for myself a goal so I decide to move back to California and get my college degree. Two years of college long distance I hated being apart from him but was so excited to be pursing my carrer of choice. In that two year time we talked about him moving to cali and he is making me promises and promises that he is coming and nothing. So I unwisley in hinsight say either you move to cali or we are not doing this anymore. So he moves out to cali in my final year of college and we live with my roomates and he gets a job. Things start off rocky and get rockier even though we both love each other so much and enjoy being with each other the financial burden of paying bills and rent and basically not ever having money gets the best of us. We fight about it I feel guilty I feel like it is my fault he is miserable out here in california and it is all my fault. So we hang in there for a little over a year then he decides to move back to our hometown where he got a great job offer that he could not turn down. So now I have graduated and am looking for employment in California and told him I would not move back with him. I felt like moving home was hes decision not mine something I absolutley did not want I want to move ahead not go back home. So now we have no idea what to do with our relationship. Do we break up???? I don't see how if he does not come back to Cali how our relationship is going to work. At the same time I don't want him to come back to cali what if it doesn't work again then what? I am not not going to move back home and that is all he wants is for me to come back. I don't want to get stuck in that little town which is what i see happening. Was I wrong not to go with him should I have sucked it up to make him happy he did it for me moving to cali when he couldn't afford it? I am so confused I felt like us living together was the big test where we going to move forward get married or not? Since he moved back I feel like that was a huge giant step in the wrong direction for what I wanted which was to move forward get engaged get our own place? On another hand I am so angry I feel like HE GAVE UP!!If you have read this thank you for trying to help I would really like some advice. Thank you so much for your input I will answer any quesitons you have
glittergurl Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Well, like you said, finances were not good. I get the feeling your guy has always liked his hometown a lot, and when he got a better job opportunity there, well, he basically got everything he needed to be happy, minus you. I think he does love you, but he does not like California and doesn't see things happening there for him (financially speaking - and maybe even family-wise?). Now, it's all pretty much up to you. Me and my husband never make decisions like that without making sure both of us are happy with the outcome. I think neither of you have reacted like a couple there. If you guys really wanna make it, you have to think as a team, not as "me" and "you". I don't want to tell you to move back there with him, because you made it pretty clear your hometown is not good enough for you and your goals. Just ask yourself if your career is more important than your relationship with him. Think about that carefully. Once you know the answer to that, you'll know what decision to make.
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