allaboutchoices Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Hey guys, I just found my diary from when I started dating my xMM. So my first point is: next time trust your GUTS! Here are some excerpts from what I just found...it made me laugh so hard about my own stupidity. Closure yet again... "[...]We went to some house afterwards and that dog wouldn’t tell me if he was married or not. Of course that only means one thing…..DOH! MARRIED! We messed around a bit and he asked if he could call, which to I replied: “sure, if you are single”. And he called on Monday anyway. We hang out….he is cute, but no brains….and MARRIED. Yeah, he actually admitted to being married. Sweet illiteracy on that subject is gone now. I don’t know why I hang out with him…I always hated women who went after married guys…but then I always hated cheaters, too. I am as bad as all the people whom I have no respect for. Maybe I hate them out of my own insecurity and guilt. [...]His intellect – which is very low for my standards – makes me wanna use him; to have a thought free fun with no serious conversation. Those guys are good in bed and no need for conversation. THOUGHT OF THE DAY (on why I have a hard time giving up on my married ‘buddy’): It’s the same like getting rid off an old coat of mine…I really like it, but it is completely useless to me, yet I still can’t toss it without feelings of sadness; it is attached to the memories of good days and good times. On the other hand having good memories about an old coat without one is better than having a ****ty presence and thinking of better times…wrapped in that coat." I wrote this a year ago when I first started seeing him and haven't gotten back to it until today. Sorry guys, had to share. I know it's private and people might get offeded, but I had the hardest time getting over this R. Now I found this and realized that I KNEW from the very beginning...funny how easily we forget when it's convenient....
Rodeogirl Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 wow i have all my entires from this year...the ones from when i first met mine i burned last december in hopes of starting a new year without old sad memories... i am tempted to go grab them read them cry laugh and then burn them again... i am glad you can laugh but right now mine is so fresh in my head...i feel i am at the anger stage now...monday of this week i was a basket case and then by wed i was just sad now today its like fk that mtha fka:mad: why do we keep diaries should we all just have a burning ceremony??
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 With time you will find those memories valuable. I don't know how to explain it...i went off to burn all the love letters he ever gave me((and believe me, there were MANY), I read those, and I burnt one. I kept the rest. With passing time I find those memories great. I love this man, and I am glad he was a part of my life. When I was with him, it was great. Now, being without him, I am exploring my self, and I am EXTREMELY thankful for that part of my life as it lead me to self-discovery. It was/is very hard, but also very rewarding. Just hang in there, with passing time you will see things differently....
Recommended Posts