freckles3131 Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 He is on my volleyball team....I left him (2nd chance, he got out of a relationship 3 months ago...THOUGHT he was over it....drove over/called her when drunk...realized he ISN'T over it and that I could do better...him saying that and doing that(among a few other things..that he owes me an apology for)...I told him DO NOT contact me unless you get some therapy or if you have some HUGE epiphany/I MIGHT be willing to listen, but it had better be ONE HELL OF A SPEECH...haven't heard from him since(day 6)...(he still "missing her"(or he says, he isn't "sure if it's HER or the unanswered questions/redemption) after she told him he sucked in bed and found someone who "didn't suck in bed".... So...I ended it, told him N/C except volleyball... He shows up at volleyball all flirty, joking, acting as normal as could be (feeling bad for driving over there???? Yes? no??(to his ex's)...trying to act fun, okay again with me) I gave him some small chit chat(volleyball related)...but he definitely was hanging around ME, then parked right next to me in the parking lot...I purposely left a 1/2 hr. before him...left him with the "I wonder where she is going?"but didn't want to walk out together(like let him know, I didn't care to...didn't want to hear anymore of what he had to say/excuses...IF he wants to talk or apoligize let him CALL ME,) He WAITED in the parking lot for me to arrive at volleyball, (he's played before, knows what gym to go to, I was running late...he must have been in the parking lot for 15 mins. till I showed....) I pull in, he waits for me to get out of the car...walks in with me(testing the waters?? Just how mad am I? I suppose) Then onto volleyball game #2....pulls in right next to me...waits again for me to get out, walk in with me.....(me, small talk/volleyball discussion only) After the second game(I left early like I said...let him wonder...the old me would have stayed till the end, to SEE if he had anything to SAY(which would have screamed...."not moving on....need answers...miss you..." BUT...by me leaving early, "sorry, gotta run...I have plans...." So anyways.....what's his deal? Does he feel guilty/bad....wants it to just be "normal" between us...and it's "easier" than me being "mad" at him? Or...is he confused...still has feelings....just might need time? I am trying to act "normal" and did a great job,(dont' want to show him I'm too mad...rather that it's more like "whatever, your loss"........I am sticking to my N/C and doing okay with that....so, how would you "act"?? More like "F-YOU!" or is it better for me to stick with the "whatever, casual, small chit-chat, me being outgoing, fun with everyone...like, it doesn't phase me(of course not being flirty with him back) Just act like, I'm just living my life, in a good place...whatever....dude. Or do I do the "Your an idiot and I don't really want to even be talking to you" I have to say that the "old me" would have CALLED him by now, or written asking 101 questions about "us" and the "whys?" and I would have MOST DEFINITELY would have stuck around till the end to "talk"...but I think the better route is to keep him guessing and be doing my "own thing" let him wonder, miss me, see me casual instead of the usual predictable...need all the answers/consumed person I used to be....I think it might be throwing him for a loop(in a good way) by me being cool as a cucumber.....sound about right?????
allaboutchoices Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Do yourself and him a favor - drop volleyball or pick a different day/team to play on. If you don't feel like you can do that, ask him not to come. Unless there is a complete NC, it will just keep getting uglier with passing time. Show him respect and let him move on without degrading him and loosing your dignity.
Author freckles3131 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 Well see...there's more to the story.....He is on my team. He has been for 3 yrs. we are "co-coaches"......and....in his drunken stupor...when some mutual aquaintances asked if we were "dating"(we both mutually agreed to "date" and "see how it goes" when I asked if he was over her and is he sure the answer was yes, but he said he wanted to go slow as he wasn't 100% emotionally available...but had love for me and wanted to try.... So when he was drunk....(the same nite of driving over his ex's house...didn't see her, didn't even know why or what he planned on saying to her...) He said to our mutual aquaintances....."We are just hanging out...it's all HER...she calls me, she initiates sex, she just doesn't "get it" (apparently meaning that he doesn't want me...yet, 2 wks prior agreed to be exclusive and was doing ALL the contacting, 'cept for 2 times....) and my friend called an told me about the conversation...(drunk nonetheless/has issues...but I emailed him about it re-capped our conversation and EVERY phone call/time we spent together/who called who/who inititated sex...and said "WHAT DIDN"T I GET??? I told you POINT BLANK, we have 2 choices 1) Friends only...no sex/no dates/no intimacy/no sleep overs/nothing OR>>>>we see each other and date and give it a few months to see (he didn't think his feelings were strong enough to jump into a relationship at this point/still scars from the last thing....still a bit traumatized...but I was cool with talking on the phone once a week/one date night a week...for a few months..if it didn't "click" we part ways as friends....BUT....I gave him the choice 2 wks ago and said I would be FINE with friends only....HE said, "NO, he wanted to "try" not just be friends...." the proceeded to CALL ME...invite ME out to dinner etc....then got drunk and did the whole 180 with driving over there and doing the messed up convo with our aquaintences..(I assume because it was after he drove over there and this was maybe his way of PUSHING me away HARD.......cuz he realized he wasn't over it and that I was better off without him at this point....**easier for me to let him go if I am mad at what he said, then to stay with him and "understand his slip up" (I think he cares...can't guarentee it won't happen again and he pushed me out of his life to make sure I won't get hurt..course I could be off...) BUT......like I said, I emailed him with the "what didn't I "GET"? How was it "all me"? ON this day YOU........ON that day...YOU...on another day you inititated...you called....you made the moves....etc..etc...and ended the email with "after us being in each other's lives and helping one another through alot of stuff...(3 yrs. together....2 yrs. as good friends....2 months of "reconciliation" how could you say that to them???? You need some f-ing therapy! Get some help before you push all the good people out of your life.....DON"T CALL ME unless it's to say, "I'm getting help(he needs it/low self-esteem/does stupid stuff when drinking(doesn't drink often, but when he does...goes into "poor me" mode and does things he regrets(i.e. calling the beotch ex...driving by) His thing is that he has done N/C with her for 2 months...thought he was over it, got drunk and was hit with the "I'm not over it" and messed up....while pushing me out of his life.......so it was left with the above mentioned email....and the call if you get therapy and where the "F" is my apology? I suppose if you get some kind of ephiphany I MIGHT be willing to talk...I care, but cannot be there until you get some help.....He has not called(nor have I) since the email...THEN...the stuff happened at volleyball.....so I don't know where he is coming from....If he was pissed off at my harsh/but true email...I would think he would be stand-offish at volleyball....on the other hand...If he knows I'm right.....yet, is too proud to talk about it, or isn't ready for help.....but still cares he might wait for me in the parking lot etc...I am just trying to gauge where his head might be at....if he is trying to move on.....OR take some time..while keeping things "okay" between us in case he moves on and wants to do things between us the "right way" or.....just really wants us to remain friendly and not have any drama.....Either way....he needs time.....I need to not "sit around/pine away for him".......if he wants me..he will do what he needs to do/move on quickly then find his way back to me.....(if I'm still single....) BUT.....back to my original issue......1) How do I act in the meantime....we haven't really "talked" since my "observations" about the conversation that happened(w/our friends) other than my email I sent him.......2) What do you think he is thinking after receiving such an email...THEN seeing me and acting flirty...waiting for me in the parking lot etc.....is he feeling me out?? Seeing how mad I am.....or if I still care....or what?? And do I continue with N/C and give him time to miss me(aside from our hour and a half a week at volleyball) Let him wonder/miss me/act like whatever/life goes on/figure YOUR SH#T out....get back to me when you have something to say...mentality?
Author freckles3131 Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 P.S. I'm not mad at him for the slip-up...and even told him so....I AM MAD at the crappy things he said and how he projected ME and our situation to our friends...felt regardless of where his drunken head was at...we have been friends for 5 yrs. it wasn't cool and if he can do something like that when drinking...he needs to re-prioritize his life and get some help before he loses out on a good friend and ruins other friendships.....that is the big issue...how he made me "look" and sound...like some desperate woman that didn't "get" it....that I was throwing myself at him...which was NOT the case........
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