In Sync Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 For the past few days I have not written because in the midst of my crying and tormenting myself over trivial contacts with my ex the person who originally was the source of my sufferiing, came to an end. Why because life hit me...I lost my mother. AND REAL PAIN HIT ME HARD. To all of you my fellow LoveShack members, I am writing this because I hope you grasp my meaning in this post. It has taken the pain of losing my mother to snap me to reality. An ex is not worth the tears and heartache that you are suffering especially over whether the person contacts you or not. Losing a true loved one, someone who loved you unconditionally is worth those tears. I don't wish for any of you to go through such a tragic experience such as I have, but realize that the variety of ex's whether they are narcissists or just palin insensitive..if they are not caring or loving towards you after a breakup shed not one tear for them. Don't waste another minute of your life thinking about someone who is neither there for you emotioanlly and physically. Think of all the people who have loved you in your life. If an ex is not giving you that let your suffering GO for them this very second. They can not be worth the price. So why are you investing your heart and energy over them any longer. Seek genuine love and honour that love don't honour these people (ex's)who no longer care for us..
heartnsoul Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 I'm so sorry for your loss IS. Definitely puts lifes priorities into perspective. God Bless.
allaboutchoices Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 In Sync, thanks for your post. I needed to hear that today and it's a huge relief. On the other hand I am terribly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine going through such pain. Would virtual hugs help a tiny bit? hug:bunny:
Author In Sync Posted October 28, 2005 Author Posted October 28, 2005 You are ALL so geniuine, and beautiful and it's all so clear in your writings that you are. Why would I or anyone want someone in our lives who can't deliver the same kindness and love that a dear loved one gives us? The loss I've experienced is so massive, that I realized what a joke it was for me to have been crying over some guy. Because I was so self-centered thinking he was a big deal in my life...Sadly, I really had to have my eyes open. Stop twisting yourselves for anyone who doesn't love you the way you deserve.DON'T take for granted that genuine true love that's probably under your very nose by losing focus on the ones who aren't truly there for you.
heartnsoul Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 I can feel your heart felt message. I know how terribly hard it is to deal with such a significant loss. Mourning the loss of an ex truly pales in camparison to the loss of someone that would truly love you to the end of all time. I'm only sorry that it took something so tragic to open your eyes to the bottom line truth. I'm hoping that one day you find the man who will truly deserve all you have to offer. In the meantime, take care of yourself! (((Hugs)))
bendit Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 IS, thank you for your heartfelt message delivered in the midst of your personal tragedy. regards
brooke7777 Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that you are going through. You are such a strong woman and I have been able to relate to many of your posts. You have helped me get through some of my most difficult days and I'm sure you will help me get through many more...thanks. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.
Nikita20 Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 In Sync: You are SO right. The pain, suffering and grief you experience for an ex isn't worth it. I just wish my pain would go away. I broke the NC with my ex and now I'm back to where I started in the beginning. I'm not an emotional wreck, but I have this sickening feeling in my stomach that won't go away. But, your post, surely brought some clarity. The exes aren't worth it. I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Please bear in mind that there are others here willing and able to support you.
Author In Sync Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 Thank you for all the love I'm receiving from y'all. I knew I could share this with you but I also wanted to help you see things in a different light. We all get caught up in these emotional dramas and sometimes it does take life to slap sense into us. I felt safe to pass this insight on. It's not just a cliche to say that life is precious. You realize it when you lose someone you love dearly, permanently. And I was loved....I also started to think as awful as this feels, I have a chance to start again. I know my life will never be the same again. So why add one more moment thinking over an anthill. I've been comfronted with a mountain to climb. Sadly, I cannot get my mom back but now I have chance to change what kind of love I accept in my life. It's gotta be a big love. I'm not belittling your sadness over being heartbroken, I'm just saying you may be grieving over an anthill too. If anything we all want Mount Everest in our lives.
seachange Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 IS, I'm so so sorry. Thank you for trying to help others in the middle of all your own pain. It's incredibly generous. :love: and ((hugs))
jomaxfury Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 In Sync, Sorry about your loss. You Mother is definitely in a better place now. She has raised a strong, understanding, thoughtful soul. Through the things you do for all of us here, without a doubt you mom is looking down at you with so much pride...My prayers are with you and your family. From the bottom my of the heart,Thank you, God Bless you, In Sync.
try2survive Posted October 29, 2005 Posted October 29, 2005 Thank you so much. Your post forcing me to thing rationally. I was sobbing and in a deep pain again (have been like this for the past 2 months) before reading your post. You are right, why we torture ourself by thinking of him, crying, angry, misserable so on and so forth, while he (somewhere out there) might be not doing the same thing like us? Lets clean up! refresh ourself! face the world with SMILE.
Author In Sync Posted October 29, 2005 Author Posted October 29, 2005 Lets clean up! refresh ourself! face the world with SMILE. That's the spirit I'm talking about try2survive! During the course of my ordeal I thought why did this have to happen? I also thought I'd not have the strength to go through this pain. Right now it's moment by moment with me. I do know that as I go through this surreal event, I have only time and energy in my life for people who of high character. Character is not someone who is just all charm and seductive and can flirt like a Cassanova. Charm is not a hot bod either or dressed in Armani etc, etc....Those are traits my ego sought and accepted and the price I paid when they ran out was a river of tears...because I thought I'll never have him again. When all the love I had that was pure and humble and kind and sweet came from the someone in my life who was always there and I took for granted would always be there. You guys out there ask yourself if all these people you are yearning for wanting...look at their character. Are they even nice people? There's so much good lovin out there from people who want to love us...remove the blinders and actually see what you are holding on to and ask yourself honestly is it worth it.
flowergirl Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 In Sync, I am so very sorry for your loss. May God hold you and your loved ones in His care. You seem very sweet, and you deserve the greatest love the world has to offer.
Author In Sync Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 I was reading something today which went something like this: in sorrow comes wisdom...I think the depth of my loss makes me see how silly and wasteful my time has been in twisting myself into an emotional pretzel for a dude. Hey I can get a new guy. Who is kinder sweeter and more loving and definitely emotionally available for me. Geez, how I was settling for less. Life is so precious and its too short to be settling for crappy relationships with the likes some of us have been writing about. My life has changed dramatically and settling for less than I deserve would not be what my mom would want...and I quite honestly I believe those near and dear to you, wouldn't want you to be crying over someone who doesn't appreciate any of you. So ask yourself why are you tormenting yourself over a failed relationship. Make it happen move on and find your own happiness elsewhere! I'm touched by all your heartfelt sentiments
smile95 Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 in sync...just saw this and I am sorry for your loss. THings happen in life for a reason......it is awful for you to have to go thru both of these losses at the same time, but I can see that it has helped you see the true colors of your ex. You deserve someone to love you and cherish you the way you give. Was the ex there for you when he found out? Or did you do this alone. I am proud of you for making it so far and for figurig things out. I am sorry you realizes it thru a loss of a family memeber, but it sounds like you are moving down the right road....my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Author In Sync Posted October 31, 2005 Author Posted October 31, 2005 beth5201 Yes, as a matter of fact, I did inform him,the ex about my circumstance and he responded with kind words and sentiments. Which was nice. Afterward I felt release from all this anger tied to him. I no longer feel imprisoned by his actions because in retrospect he is small in the picture now. So there is no point of making him the focus of what was the cause of my unhappiness. Again I am not using my loss as a way to grand stand, I am just now looking back over how much importance I gave his behavior in my life and in the end it was always my choice to not have accepted it. His ways were always beneathe me and I didn't get it, the big picture of life. This site has allowed me a way to vent and go through so many changes. My personal loss has given me a freedom and empowerment which comes in the form of insight and clarity. If I can laugh today and yes I have been able to laugh again about the sweet memories of my mom..you know what, then I can find romantic love again. Everyone will eventually move on from their hurts and losses of ex's and I think find new love too....
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