Author mrm00k Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 Is there a document or article someplace that decribes the emotional attachment scenario and the potential problems that it can cause to a marriage ? I think that if there is an explanation of this or description from some kind of authority, it will help me talking to the wife. Something that documents behavior that crosses the line. Shows where it leads. I need some kind of back up that explains the signs to point out that it is not just me being insecure. I think that would be helpful when I talk to her. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Do a web search on the phrase "emotional affair". Go to marriagebuilders website, and look through all the information that Steve Harley has posted there...there are tons of places where you can find information on the subject. However...you'll also learn that it is IMPOSSIBLE to educate your wife while she's in the middle of an affair. She simply will NOT allow herself to see the connection...trust me. Heck, print out my story here on LS and let her read that...and make sure she understands that we were happily married for almost 17 years when this happened. What you really need to do is to keep gathering the evidence. You've already got proof that they are communicating WAY more than they should. It's NOT all benign. Ask her how she would feel if you started to communicate in the same way with another woman...emails and calls EVERY DAY, etc... Again, I suggest that you gather proof of what she's doing...and then EXPOSE the affair to everyone. Your family, her family, her friends, her work...OM's wife and family and friends if you can get the information to reach them. She'll be FURIOUS...but then she won't be able to deny it any longer...it will all be out in the open...and affairs do not thrive out in the open...they require secrecy to work. That's what I suggest...remember, it took me about a month to get the proof I needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrm00k Posted November 9, 2005 Author Share Posted November 9, 2005 I agree that there is nothing very incriminating that I can confront the wife with at this time. I guess that all I can do is try to monitor things. It is a sickening feeling in that I feel like I can't stop monitoring until some hard evidence comes through. But I also hope desperately that there is no evidence and this email stuff is all there is. Incidentally I asked her if she had told anyone about some family news and she said no. It was a leading question though as I saw the email go out to the OM. She couldn't tell me that she had let him know. She lied. She later said I think I'll email some people about it tomorrow including the OM. She also changed her email pwd last night. Maybe I am making her suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Maybe I am making her suspicious. No doubt! You may want to back off questioning her about it or asking leading questions like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrm00k Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 Well it has been a couple more weeks of monitoring. Emails seem to be about 3 times/week in each direction. The OM's tone is more confessionial and intimate. Stuff like "hoped you would email me today" or quotes from movies, literature etc. Mostly about him and his frame of mind. It seems like he hopes the relationship grows to a deeper level. My wife's replies are surprising to me. The are pretty dry and don't reveal much. She doesn't lead him on, often doesn't even respond to the more personal parts of the email. But she does always reply. As a guy, it seems obvious to me that the OM is probing for ways to push for more of a relationship. It seems like he is working hard, maybe waiting for the right time. Maybe he has no where else to look and the fact that the responses keep coming give him hope. I wonder if my wife doesn't see this or is she just enjoying all the attention from this guy ? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 Is it possible she knows you put keylogger on her computer? I'm not sure about this, but when one does a spyware scan etc., the keylogger program would show up in the scan and be visible to her? Maybe someone else knows the answer to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 As a general rule. Any person of the opposite sex who wants to spend alone time with your spouse is up to no good. They're uncomfortable around you for a reason. Confrontation is what is needed here my freind. Put a keylogger on the PC. Link to post Share on other sites
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