witabix Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 Well heres the deal, bought my gf a ring for Valentines day of this year, also previously gave her my mothers eternity ring. She lost the Val day ring recently, told me it wasn't lost at first. Its been a couple of weeks since. The other night I asked her about it, still said it wasn't lost. I asked her if she knew where it was, she said it might have fallen in her drawer or something, she couldn't understand what had happenend to it. Well thats not so bad really, things do get lost. I was majorly concerned that my family ring may also suffer this fate. I pointed out that I really couldn't face losing it and she said that she had lost rings in the past. I asked for it back, pointing out the rings irreplacebility and that it was not the sentiment I was asking for back. She seemed upset but readily complied. Then I thought about the fact that the Val's day ring was lost. She has another ring that she is very attached to and is never off her hand, I don't know the nature of the attachment, its not from another guy or anything like that, and thats not important to me, but she didn't seem too upset by the fact that the Val day ring was 'unlocatable'. I didn't make a big deal about it at the time. I am a bit worried by this attitude to the gift I gave, and I am wondering if there is a subliminal thing going on here. What do you think?
kitkat826 Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 She either really, truly thinks its around somewhere, or is feeling very guilty and trying to downplay it.
Author witabix Posted October 28, 2005 Author Posted October 28, 2005 Thaks kitkat, why would she downplay it though?
kitkat826 Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 Well she could be trying to buy time until she finds it, or just wants to make it seem like less of a big deal so that you'll forget or not care as much.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 It sounds to me like she simply doesn't want to wear it. It could be something as simple and shallow as not liking how it looks on her, and was afraid to tell you. Mabye she isn't much of a 'multiple ring' type person. Either way, I think there is more to it than just a simple "losing it" but probably not as much as you think. I guess it largely depends on how your relationship is going in general. If everything else is fine (she isn't suddenly 'moody' or withdrawing, or 'needing space' or anything like that), then it is probably something simple and shallow. If there are other problems - then it could be something along the lines of not being emotionally invested enough in the relationship to want to wear the ring, or have others see her wearing the ring.
Author witabix Posted October 28, 2005 Author Posted October 28, 2005 Hmmmmm....... Thanks for that thought LucreziaBorgia, never really thought of that angle...too close to see all the possibilities. She was happy to wear my family ring the whole time, but there is a major difference, the gift bore a certain amount symbolism in its design (Cladagh Ring, Irish thing!) the family ring would pass as a simple ring. I wonder....... "or have others see her wearing the ring." I noticed she didn't wear it to work much if at all. But she did wear it a lot outside of work. "If everything else is fine (she isn't suddenly 'moody' or withdrawing, or 'needing space' or anything like that), .....don't think so. Was I wrong to ask for my family ring back?? If she did lose the gift I mean, it seemed to me too great a risk, that particular ring has not left my hand since my mother died except for the time she had it.
glittergurl Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 OMG Witabix, I was about to post the same kind of thread! My husband lost his wedding band 2 months ago. He doesn't like wearing rings, so he always put it on his desk, next to his laptop, and only wears it when we go out. Well now, the ring's gone and he can't figure out where it is. Sometimes it makes me really upset when I think about it, and I think "WHYYYYY???", but then I think "oh well". We have a good relationship, things are going good, I shouldn't complain about the ring. He seems to be a bit upset about it too, so I figured I shouldn't make things worse by acting all hurt. So, my point is; she may just not like wearing it too much; and that's fine, maybe it doesn't feel as comfortable on her finger as the ring she's attached to, and that's why she lost it (I'm NOT saying on purpose). So anyway, if your relationship is good, and she's not taking her distances or anything; then don't worry too much about it. I understand about your family ring though, and I completely understand you took it back. I would have done the same. But anyway, maybe just buy her something else for your anniversary or whatever occasion. If she doesn't like rings too much, try to find out if she maybe prefers bracelets, or necklaces, or maybe buy her a nice pendant?
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 Was I wrong to ask for my family ring back?? If she did lose the gift I mean, it seemed to me too great a risk, that particular ring has not left my hand since my mother died except for the time she had it. It is not wrong for you to ask it back. Put it in a safe place - a safety deposit box if you have to. Something like that should be saved for a family-legacy type relationship, not a b/f-g/f type thing. If she becomes your W one day, that would be different.
RecordProducer Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 I think she lost the ring but was to ashamed to admit it. When I was in high school, one girl borrowed a ring from another girl and lost it. Believe it or not, some girls exchange clothes and jewelry. I wouldn't assume that she didn't like or had a problem with wearing it. If she loves you then she loves the rings too. I still don't comprehend why you gave her your mother's eternity ring since she is neither your finacee or wife. Shouldn't you give this one to your wife? Does your mom know about this and is actually okay with it (if she is alive)? What if you break up with her? If I were you, I would suggest that you keep the ring for her if she's not going to wear it regularly. But basically, you gave it to her so it's her ring, not yours anymore. In order that she doesn't lose a ring, she needs to wear it all the time on a finger that is a bit fatter than the ring - meaning if she can take it off easily then it can fall off at any time. When you try to take it off her finger, it's supposed to resist unless the finger is soaped.
Author witabix Posted October 28, 2005 Author Posted October 28, 2005 "I still don't comprehend why you gave her your mother's eternity ring since she is neither your finacee or wife. Shouldn't you give this one to your wife? Does your mom know about this and is actually okay with it (if she is alive)? What if you break up with her?" Okay RP, some interesting questions here. Maybe need to point out that I am not a blushing teen, I have travelled the world and been married, had long time gf's etc, so not too naive or dizzy, however I am a hopeless romantic and I do wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel a real connection with this girl, emotionally and romantically, she too has experienced life. Why I gave her the ring, never met anyone like her. (Bet no one has ever said that on LS before, LOL). Give it to my wife? Why wait for that? You assume someone would actually want to marry me, there is a reason why I didn't put up a pic! Then the best question, does my mother know, I think so, but yes she is dead. I remember my mother telling me that she would love anyone who loved me, as I said hopeless romantic! All my family are buried in her local church yard, as are hers. Our favourite place on earth happens to be the exact same spot. It turns out our families are from the same townland, it seemed strange to us both when we first met that we had both been through so much, so far away to return home, meet entirely by chance and click straight away. If we broke up I know her well enough and tust her that she would return it. Strange that others questions make you actually think about stuff from a completely different perspective. It helps me to clarify my thinking and I am surer now than before that I actually do love her. Maybe I attach far to omuch importance to romantic symbology? It is the person after all who is important, I'd ask myself another question..... Would I have been happier if I'd lost the girl and kept the ring, I really think NOT! NO WUCKING FAY MAN! Thanks to you all for your input, this place actually works doesn't it?
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