Luxie Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I recently bought a car. I spent about $800 for the car of my dreams (plus repairs). I’m now hoping to sell my old car, which is a big old Impala. It runs really nicely but is not the car for me. I am supposed to take it in to the dealer that sold me my other car today, and he said he may give me up to $1,000 for it depending on its condition. If he doesn’t offer me enough, I’ll sell it privately. My point is, I bought the new car knowing that I would be selling the old one. $800 is a huge carved chunk out of my bank account and I am fully planning on replacing that money with the sale of the Impala. Now for the hard part. My boyfriend of two years drives a piece-of-crap van that has been in an accident, and DOES NOT WORK RIGHT. He has done dozens of repairs but the thing is just a lemon. Every time it breaks I have wished he would just get something else, but he didn’t. Recently it seems to have gone for the last time, and won’t drive four blocks without dying. Not even our mechanic knows what’s wrong. Here’s the upshot: I feel like an absolute, total brat for selling one of my two perfectly-running cars while my boyfriend is without transportation. He was planning on quitting his job and starting school in two weeks, and had just enough money for tuition. Now he has no car. I know it’s his problem, and I know this is silly, but I really, really feel like a jerk. What do you guys think? I offered to loan him $300 to buy a beater to get him to class until he gets his graduation bonus, but he turned me down, saying “you need money, that’s the whole point of selling your car.” Well, I think there’s a difference in the amount here; if my car was worth $300, I WOULD give it to him. But I just can’t walk away from $800. I also thought about letting him drive it before I sell it, but what if something bad happens? He has a penchant for bad luck; if the car gets messed up before I get my money out of it I will really be screwed. What’s your take on this?
Walk Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Comes down to Money, or Love. He probably wouldn't accept the offer of your car anyway. I've never been able to get a car for less then $500 that would last more then a week without having to call a wrecker.... Buy him a bus pass? My college has it set up so we can ride the metro transit for free with college ID. Could check to see if his college has anything like that. Or ride shares? Or talk to the student affairs division of his college to see if they have suggestions or ideas. Also, (even if you aren't religious.) some churches have transportation available for people who can prove they are below a certain income level. There's one inthe city I live in called God's Taxi, or something like that. They'll take people to their jobs, or doctors appointments, etc. If not that, then maybe they'd be able to point you toward other organizations or people who could help. As far as giving him the car. Guess it would depend on the level of your relationship. If you are "dating", but don't live together, then I think giving him a car isn't really appropriate for the level of commitment. If you live together and have for a while, then giving him/loaning him your car would be the appropriate, caring thing to do. (Kind of a 'take one for the team' approach I guess.) This is my humble opinion anyway.
Author Luxie Posted October 27, 2005 Author Posted October 27, 2005 I should add a few details: We do live together and the relationship is two years old. We are both saving for school (I am more in debt than he is, but work a better job). He owes me a lot of money already (about $700). I have more in the bank, but bigger debts to pay. My thought is that i shouldnt' lose $800 for him when I can't really afford it- when I know that I wouldn't dream of making him lose it for me. I don't even make him pay back the money he does owe me.
Walk Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 Personal experience: Putting yourself more in a hole to dig bf out isn't good. Especially when he hasn't paid you what he borrowed previously. (It should be most important to pay SO's back money borrowed, before banks, or other people.) Try to find him other alternative transportation to and from school. Maybe it would help alleviate some of the guilt you feel for not giving him the car. Like bus/taxi/friend/bike/moped? You live so far from campus he can't walk? Or take the bus? Until cheap car can be found? I bought, or financed, my ex H's cars for him. I really wish I'd stood my ground more, instead of caving in because I felt really guilty and then giving him whatever he 'needed' at the time. Specifically cars. Depends on who your bf is... if he really tries to pay people back, but is just in a serious bind right now, then giving him a hand is probably the right thing to do. If you're having serious doubts that you'd ever see any money from him, or that you'd never really get anything from giving him the car (other then not having to drive him all over.) then don't. Sometimes you have to make sure that you have all your bases covered (emotionally, physically, and financially) before you can try to help someone else. If you're financially burdened by this, then it's not going to help either of you.
glittergurl Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I think you shouldn't have bought that car in the first place. You have debts, and that purchase was a mistake. You don't solve these things by buying an $800 car, no matter how much you like it and want it. I'm sure you could sell both cars and get yourself two cheaper/smaller cars for both you and your boyfriend. You have to be practical when money's tight.
Skeered Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I think you shouldn't have bought that car in the first place. You have debts, and that purchase was a mistake. You don't solve these things by buying an $800 car, no matter how much you like it and want it. I'm sure you could sell both cars and get yourself two cheaper/smaller cars for both you and your boyfriend. You have to be practical when money's tight. GOOD CALL Glittergurl.. Also I was readin all you said about him oweing you money and that he owes you more and you aren't asking for it...so on and so forth. I realize that you are dating but you are living together and in my opinion you sound as though things in your situation are very what's mine is mine and whats' his is his..if this is the case, you should both be living 50/50 and takin on your own responsiblity so he should have to find his own transpo and you should sell your car. You don't sound like you are in a relationship of sharing EVERYTHING yet.
Author Luxie Posted October 28, 2005 Author Posted October 28, 2005 "I think you shouldn't have bought that car in the first place. You have debts, and that purchase was a mistake. You don't solve these things by buying an $800 car, no matter how much you like it and want it. I'm sure you could sell both cars and get yourself two cheaper/smaller cars for both you and your boyfriend. You have to be practical when money's tight." Did I state anywhere that I was going further into debt by purchasing this car? Did I state that I was spending money that I would NOT get back? I think my exact words were that I have been offered $1000 for the Impala, which is actually MAKING money on the purchase of the new car. Actually, the car WAS a practical purchase. Did I mention that the Impala has no heat, is a V8 that gets about 18 mpg, and is rear wheel drive? And that I live in Nebraska? And that the car of my dreams is a little four cylinder Toyota that gets 30 miles to the gallon and has brand-new tires? Sorry, didn't think that part was relevant, since I was asking for advice about my relationship, not judgements on my personal finances. As for sharing things 50/50, not everyone will agree with this, but as two twenty-somethings both struggling to get through school, we do share things 50/50. We split rent and bills down the middle, we both buy groceries, and we pay for our own cars and personal bills. We're not married- far from it- and I see no reason to be pooling finances. If I gave him the car, it would be a gift in the sense of 'I know I need the money from this but you need transportation more." And I feel like an A-hole for not doing that. But I'm not going to. Thanks for the advice.
Milo Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 You don't have to give him the car. He could have bought it from you. And if he couldn't do that, then you need to sell it. He should understand that your having a car in the end and not owing anything is more important than a convenient alternative to nursing his beater POS bucket. I would never expect a girlfriend to give me a car, but I have given ones to them that I aquired.
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