lalaland251 Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 A guy I like seemed interested in me at the beginning, he would apologize when he replied late... He was hot and cold though. He once suggested to hang out together. I didn't say no and thought he would suggest something specific but he didn't. He once told me to strengthen my relationship with someone else. Then when I left him alone (I was convinced he was stringing me along) he came back, said crap like 'you never liked me' & put the blame on me because I had ignored him once. Then he was all like 'look at what you lost' but still came back and stared at me like a psycho. I decided to ask him out to get rid of the confusion. He didn't really answer anything and started avoiding me. After that I asked him the second time & he said he would love to but he was travelling at the time. I was like okay, let's see what happens after he comes back. He came back and it's been terrible. He's still hot and cold, his attitude changes literally within minutes because when we see each other he makes conversation and is nice but then a few minutes later he has to go. He takes a day or sometimes more to reply to my texts. Why did he do this to me? I've wasted almost 2 years on this buffoon. I was fooled because he looked so innocent and genuinely upset when I ignored him. He completely ruined my self-esteem, made me cry, my mental well-being went out the window, he basically ruined my life at this point. I know it sounds crazy that I've been fixated on him like that, I don't even know myself why I'm like this, perhaps because I've been single my entire life. I've been very lonely the whole time. I told him that if he's not interested he should say so and he's now bullshitting me again. I feel absolutely miserable & I have no idea how to stop suffering. I can't focus on anything else even if I have things to do. He usually comes to me just to give me his little crumbs to keep me hanging. What should I do to stop thinking about this? How to get revenge? I think whatever I do he just doesn't care anymore at all, if he ever even did. He's like a completely different guy, it's like he wants nothing to do with me. What kind of person does this to others? Now I just want him to feel like trash too...
NuevoYorko Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 If I'm following your post, you've never even gone out with the guy once and you're at most acquaintances. So, I'm sorry to say, this is all on you to move on from. STOP texting altogether and don't interact with him in social situations aside from being polite. 2 1
stillafool Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 He gets off on the ego stroke of knowing you are pinning away for him but he has no interest in you so he runs hot and cold to keep you confused. He more than likely already has a girl somewhere. Your post sounds familiar as if you've been here before. I would suggest you stop interacting, looking his way and decide once and for all you are going to move on. You will never have him so stop wasting your time and find a guy who likes you. A guy who likes you and wants to spend time with you will let you know and ask you out on a date. You won't have to wonder whether he's interested or not because he'll make it clear. Remember: Hot and Cold behavior is a sign of no interest. Forget revenge and move on. It isn't his fault that you have a major crush on him and doesn't know how to handle it. 2
basil67 Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Why have you wasted 2 years on him? Serious question
BaileyB Posted January 19, 2023 Posted January 19, 2023 This is a whole lot of wasted time and energy spent on a guy who is not interested in dating you. If you haven’t picked up on that by now and moved on with your life, that’s your fault - not his. 1 hour ago, lalaland251 said: How to get revenge? Now I just want him to feel like trash too... Don’t waste more time and energy on this man. Nothing you do will hurt him - he doesn’t care. And I will ask you honestly - is this really the kind of person that you want to be? Seriously, take the high road and walk away. Find something else to do. Make a new friend. And if you are so stuck that you can’t let this go, make an appointment with a counsellor. 2 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2023 Posted January 19, 2023 6 hours ago, lalaland251 said: How to get revenge? Why bother? This isn't something that is worthy of avenging. He doesn't care enough about you to be hurt by you. It is on you to let go and stop wasting your time. 1
glows Posted January 19, 2023 Posted January 19, 2023 (edited) Oh dear. Not me biting my tongue here with a reply to “look at what you’ve lost”. In all seriousness, block him and don’t look back. Delete everything to do with him and move on. You’ll stun yourself at just how light and airy and joyful it is on the other side without all this going on. Make a promise to yourself too that you’re going to focus from now on on the people that matter and the things, interests, goals that are important to you going forward. Have a big picture view of what you want for yourself. Don’t dwell on this one person out of billions. Edited January 19, 2023 by glows 1
JTSW Posted January 19, 2023 Posted January 19, 2023 This has been all about control for him. He emotionally manipulated you wanting you to cry for him. He got what he wanted. I'm baffled why you let this go on for over 2 years. Cut him off completely. Block his number and social media. The best revenge here is to move on, be happy, find a man that treats you right and let him see that he lost. It will kill him. 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2023 Posted January 19, 2023 12 hours ago, lalaland251 said: I've wasted almost 2 years on this buffoon Do you work together? How is it that you are still interacting? He doesn't seem interested in dating. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. That will help you get your mind off him. In the meantime see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. The level of distress you feel seems disproportionate to an unrequited crush. 1
Author lalaland251 Posted January 19, 2023 Author Posted January 19, 2023 (edited) 19 hours ago, basil67 said: Why have you wasted 2 years on him? Serious question It's because I've kept making excuses for his behaviour. He's too shy, afraid of commitment, an avoidant, blah blah blah... And in the meantime he's probably been laughing to himself about all of this. Plus the fact that there are very few men in my surroundings (outside of dating apps because I loathe them). Edited January 19, 2023 by lalaland251
glows Posted January 19, 2023 Posted January 19, 2023 Speaking of commitment, make a commitment to yourself not to dabble with timewasters. And when wasting time make it gloriously so on your own terms. 1 1
MsJayne Posted January 19, 2023 Posted January 19, 2023 22 hours ago, lalaland251 said: I don't even know myself why I'm like this, perhaps because I've been single my entire life. May I ask your age? How long is your whole life? 1 hour ago, lalaland251 said: in the meantime he's probably been laughing to himself about all of this. I doubt it, he sounds like he wouldn't have enough IQ points to have a sense of humour. 1
NuevoYorko Posted January 20, 2023 Posted January 20, 2023 21 hours ago, lalaland251 said: It's because I've kept making excuses for his behaviour. He's too shy, afraid of commitment, an avoidant, blah blah blah... And in the meantime he's probably been laughing to himself about all of this. I'm sorry to say this but I doubt he's laughing to himself or anything like that. You are probably projecting a great deal on this person, who is likely just going about his life. It has happened to include some interactions with you but I doubt you have a very significant presence in his head like he has in yours. Kick him out of there! 1
Author lalaland251 Posted January 22, 2023 Author Posted January 22, 2023 On 1/19/2023 at 9:42 PM, MsJayne said: May I ask your age? How long is your whole life? I doubt it, he sounds like he wouldn't have enough IQ points to have a sense of humour. I'm 20 and we're the same age, however he seems too immature to be in a relationship. I think he has quite serious self-esteem issues and insecurities but who cares at this point. I wish such people stopped wasting others' time.
stillafool Posted January 22, 2023 Posted January 22, 2023 38 minutes ago, lalaland251 said: I'm 20 and we're the same age, however he seems too immature to be in a relationship. I think he has quite serious self-esteem issues and insecurities but who cares at this point. I wish such people stopped wasting others' time. This is you projecting. You really don't know anything about this young man except you have a crush on him. He's just not interested in you and it's best not to assign issues on him that you know nothing about because it. 1
poppyfields Posted January 23, 2023 Posted January 23, 2023 (edited) 11 hours ago, lalaland251 said: I'm 20 and we're the same age, however he seems too immature to be in a relationship. I think he has quite serious self-esteem issues and insecurities but who cares at this point. I wish such people stopped wasting others' time. I don't think HE wasted your time, YOU have wasted your own time. Like others have said, I highly doubt he's put much thought into any of this, which includes him intentionally "manipulating" you and the like. He's simply living his life which is what I suggest you do as well. As well as exploring within yourself your own feelings and reactions which to be frank seem quite over the top given you have never even dated this man. I mean, to say he's destroyed your self-esteem and ruined your entire life? Girl, come on, you're 20, you're just beginning your entire life! This guy is nothing to you or shouldn't be, certainly not worth all the turmoil you're putting yourself through that's for darn sure. Head high and move away from this situationship with dignity and pride. Aim higher, you deserve that. Edited January 23, 2023 by poppyfields 1
Alpacalia Posted January 23, 2023 Posted January 23, 2023 Awareness of toxic people should be broadened. Certain types of people love to trigger and provoke you for the thrill of stirring up your emotions. They end up making you look like a total nutso. It's important to recognize when someone seems unsure of what they want, or changes their mind every two minutes. Knowing who surrounds us in life is important. These types of people are not the types you want to associate with, especially if you want something stable, meaningful, and long-term. The bottom line is that you deserve to be treated with respect. Self-protection and vulnerability go hand in hand. Next time, take control and regain the power of the relationship. Cut them off and send the message that you have only two settings, in or out and you’re out unless they take action. 1
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