fadedstars Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 This is long so please bare with me. I really need a listening ear and some friendly advice. I'm still very much in love with my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him in January this year (Wed been dating for a year) because I found out he had a one night stand 1 month into our relationship, and lied to me about it for almost a year. I began to get close to him again. He wanted to regain my trust again so he loaned me his computer one day and told me I could go through chat logs or anything. I went through them and found in one of them him showing off a photograph of the one night stand girl to his mate, bragging about the sex but saying it wasnt worth it despite how good it was. After I read that my heart was broken, I cut off communication with him and got friends to drop his computer off at his house. I didnt talk to him for a month, then I decided to move away and start a new life. When I got to my new home interstate, I cried all the time and missed him like mad. I was so in love with him, I decided to call him and talk to him about it. Eventually he told me the bragging was a mere "fishermans tale" to make his friend jalous and he was sorry and regretted it. I arrived home again, and we both organised to be friends again and to sek councilling so I can learn to trust him again, and he can learn to be open and honest. I know things will never go back to the way they were, but I was very happy with him, despite the arguments now and then, and being frightened of being cheated on, I really love him and Im wondering if it's worth trying to make it work? My friends and family disaprove of him, for obvious reasons. But he's been trying very hard to show he cares and wants to make this work. I hear the saying once a cheater always a cheater, but is this really true in all cases? Does anyone have any advice to how we can deal with the past and try to build on our love again from scratch? Do you think its worth it? I feel as though Im holding back and cant tell him I love him, because all I ever hear from strangers is that hell never change... so Im scared to show my feelings. What do I do?
RecordProducer Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I have a BF of one year too and if I found out that he cheated on me one month into the relationship, I would be very disappointed, but I would eventually forgive him. We became exclusive 3 months after we started dating so I wouldn't even count those 3 months as cheating. Plus we're in a long-distance relationship so I would probably persuade myself that it's not so terrible. In any case, after one month he didn't get enough attached to you; he probably didn't consider the relationship serious enough yet (exclusive). I wouldn't really call him a cheater because of this unless he was telling you those days how much he loved you.
downcydeguy Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 If you two were not considering your relationship "exclusive" during that first month, then I can understand either one of you sleeping around. However, the only issue I have in this case is that he lied to you about it. Personally, I let my g/f know that I will tell her anything and everything that she wants to ask, but she has to accept the good with the bad when doing so. (about my past that is) If this one incident is the only "wrong" he's done thus far, I'd say you should give him a chance to prove himself. I'm gonna go out on a limb though, and say that your family and friends don't like him for more reasons than you're admitting. Good luck.
cottoncandy Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 In my opinion if you had to ASK if it was worth it ..then its probably not. Im not trying to be mean but think about it. either you know without a doubt hes worth forgiving and starting over or if you have any doubts about it then it probably is not going to work anyway. As far as once a cheater always a cheater, i dont know about that. every person is different. but once they have cheated they have hurt the relationship and have put doubt and distrust their which are two factors that are hard to overcome. Good luck in whatever you decide to do
Walk Posted October 28, 2005 Posted October 28, 2005 I don't know what you mean by one month into the relationship... Do you mean you had been dating for a month? Or was it one month after the big "I love you's were exchanged, or exclusivity was decided on? Personal story: A short while after I started dating my bf, I had sexual relations with another guy. My bf and I weren't exclusive. There hadn't been talk about "future" together, we just went out and had fun. I hadn't been sure at the time that my future bf was someone I wanted to be with all the time, or just someone to hang out with.... So after the incident with the other guy, it really made me realize how much I liked my soon to be bf. I didn't consider it "cheating" because we hadn't made any commitments to each other and there hadn't been talk of exclusity. I didn't tell him I was seeing other guys, but I didn't specifically hide it from him either. Oddly enought though, it wasn't long after that, that he brought up being mutually exclusive. Guess it depends on where you were in your relationship at that one month mark. Or rather, where he felt you were.
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