A guy I previously considered a mutual friend of my GF and mine, spanked her and now I'm reconsidering the friendship.

[Sgthaytham]

Last Friday, we were having a small get-together and my GF's flat. There was drinking involved.

My GF, this guy and some other friends had had a picnic beforehand, and I joined them later (I was at work).

Anyway, my GF mentioned to me that this guy had slapped her on the arse. I asked if she wanted me to have a word with him, but she said that she had talked to him about it. He might have slapped her beforehand, but she isn't sure, and said that it could have been him considered he did it later on during the night.

Why [] would he do it? He knows we're together and being drunk isn't an excuse.

Many people women I know have mentioned his behaviour before and how it's made them feel uncomfortable. I've had my eye on him, too, because he gets really tactile. I never mentioned anything to my GF because I trust her and I know she would tell me if she felt uncomfortable (which she did in this case).

I'm starting to think he doesn't give a s*** about me... it's not normal friend behaviour.   What do you guys think? 

Edited January 16, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It's unfortunate your GF got this drunk and this close to this guy. He seems  lecherous.

Avoid socializing and especially drinking with them. Ask your GF to steer clear of situations and guys like this. 

 

Edited January 16, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Sgthaytham]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It's unfortunate your GF got this drunk and this close to this guy. He seems  lecherous.

Avoid socializing and especially drinking with them. Ask your GF to steer clear of situations and guys like this. 

 

I'm more sorry that this happened to my GF. I don't see why this has anything to do with my GF, though, it wasn't her fault he thought it was OK to smack her arse (possibly twice). She wasn't asking for it. The guy has clearly shown that he has no restraint, no consideration and that he's verging on predatory. I've heard stories from other women who have felt uncomfortable with his remarks and actions - now I see why. 

My GF is a lovely, bubbly, social and kind person and this prick took advantage of it.

It's awful to think that not once did he think about how it would make her feel or how either of us would react.

Also, it's not my place to ask m GF to steer clear of him, she's an adult. If she needs my support, I am most definitely there for her. 

Edited January 16, 2023 by Sgthaytham

[JTSW]

It's not your GF fault at all.

She was 100% honest and respectful with you.

It's good that she spoke to him about his behaviour, but now I think it's time you had words.

Speak to him in person and tell him straight that if he puts a hand on her again you won't be responsible for your actions.

Tell him that so many complaints have been made about his inappropriate behaviour that he will no longer be welcome in social gatherings.

You have to give it to this guy straight.

He's not a friend if he disrespects you like that.   

Edited January 16, 2023 by JTSW

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

, it's not my place to ask m GF to steer clear of him, 

If he's a disrespectful sleaze you could both cut him out and steer clear of him. It's not her fault he's a dirtbag, but you two could definitely not associate with him further. That's the solution.

[Sgthaytham]

5 minutes ago, JTSW said:

It's not your GF fault at all.

She was 100% honest and respectful with you.

It's good that she spoke to him about his behaviour, but now I think it's time you had words.

Speak to him in person and tell him straight that if he puts a hand on her again you won't be responsible for your actions.

Tell him that so many complaints have been made about his inappropriate behaviour that he will no longer be welcome in social gatherings.

You have to give it to this guy straight.

He's not a friend if he disrespects you like that.   

I'm cutting him off 100% after what he did to her. Friendships are built on trust and understanding, and he's broken that.

What my GF does now is up to her, I can't say anything to her but I will continue listening to her and supporting her when she asks. 

I'm really glad that my GF felt OK enough to talk to me about it of course.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

If he's a disrespectful sleaze you could both cut him out and steer clear of him. It's not her fault he's a dirtbag, but you two could definitely not associate with him further. That's the solution.

My GF is wise enough to make that decision in her own time. I, though, am finished with him.

[glows]

No, it’s disrespectful and an assault. People like this usually grew up seeing instances where mistreating others or sexual harassment is perceived as acceptable or an extension of asserting a (usually) masculine identity. Women deem it acceptable when they ignore their initial instincts or are silenced, encouraged not to make a big deal of it by friends, family, coworkers etc.

The fact is it’s an assault if he laid a hand on her and it was unwanted. I am very sorry your girlfriend experienced this. You both also know going forward to steer completely clear of individuals like this. Don’t attempt to be friends.

You’re not friends in the least if you’re in disagreement with the way another person fails to respect others.

[smackie9]

You tell her how you feel disrespected by this guy and also mention your decision to write this guy off as a friend. Communication is key. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This guy is clearly not a friend anymore. 

I would have nothing more to do with him. 

[Sgthaytham]

2 hours ago, glows said:

No, it’s disrespectful and an assault. People like this usually grew up seeing instances where mistreating others or sexual harassment is perceived as acceptable or an extension of asserting a (usually) masculine identity. Women deem it acceptable when they ignore their initial instincts or are silenced, encouraged not to make a big deal of it by friends, family, coworkers etc.

The fact is it’s an assault if he laid a hand on her and it was unwanted. I am very sorry your girlfriend experienced this. You both also know going forward to steer completely clear of individuals like this. Don’t attempt to be friends.

You’re not friends in the least if you’re in disagreement with the way another person fails to respect others.

I agree.

There have been several instances (I was told about them by a close friend) where he's behaved quite inappropriately towards other women. I don't exactly know what happened, as I didn't ask for details, but I'm more inclined to believe what my close friend said rather than this sick sack of s***.

 

[glows]

15 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

I agree.

There have been several instances (I was told about them by a close friend) where he's behaved quite inappropriately towards other women. I don't exactly know what happened, as I didn't ask for details, but I'm more inclined to believe what my close friend said rather than this sick sack of s***.

 

Getting very angry is going to affect you negatively. Just stop communication and having anything to do with him. Don’t even make any strong judgments as you’ll keep having that play on your mind and get worked up.

Make him not a part of your lives. That’s all.

[ExpatInItaly]

22 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

I don't exactly know what happened, as I didn't ask for details, but I'm more inclined to believe what my close friend said rather than this sick sack of s***.

I think I missed something - what did this guy say? Does he have a different version of events or something? 

[Sgthaytham]

41 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think I missed something - what did this guy say? Does he have a different version of events or something? 

No, he admitted to it. It's likely he was the one who slapped her ass before, too.

What I meant is that I don't want anything to do with him anymore.