Lovelessbeing Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 Happy new year to all of you, For the past 2 years I have been chatting with a guy. I met him on a language exchange platform and somehow we connected. We started to text often, we even argued and made up and so on... After less than a year, our consersations became dull, we only talked about our rutine which was always the same (his job, his meal, my day, my meal...) and so on... We started to talk less and less and that's okey. He lives in a different time zone and has a different life rhythm. Even myself I'm not on my phone 24/7, and to be honest I'm not a quick replier myself. We only texted, at the beginning he tried to call me, but I rejected the calls. Because a part from the distance we also had or have a language barrier. Which I could have tried by best to speak chinese but... didn't want him to think I sounded stupid. So I didn't get any call. I feel like he is real, but we are too alike... not a first stepper hahah However, what made me "lonely" (if i have to use a world to describe it) was that he did not show any physical interest, even though he used to tell me he loves me (?) But is also true that I did not either... I could have... Anyway, I felt frustrated, so I stopped texting him and so did he. We haven't spoken since April 2022. However, now his back and part of me wants to ignore it because I know it will end the same way. So I don't know what want or expect from this forum because to be honest I have many questions and trust issues. But here I go: - Can someone fall in love with another person without meeting them, hearing them or seeing them? - As a third point of view, what advice could you give me? - I still haven't replied to his "Hi"... Thanks for reading... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 People who meet in person are in danger of building fantasies about a person. What more never having met? I think not having met someone in person and communicating this long does add to a long running fantasy you may have of him. Nothing is proven in person and everything he tells you is secondhand knowledge - where he lives, who his friends or family are, his job, what he eats, does in his free time. You’ve seen none of this on your own. 1) some of it may be deliberate lies or fabricated stories as he knows you’re time zones away and likely will never be able to see otherwise and 2) you may be creating ideas that aren’t there about him mixing some truths with your own fantasies. And probably the biggest question I have - What is the point of doing a language exchange if you’re not going to actually practice speaking the language? It’s possible he figured you weren’t serious about learning. What did you disagree about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelessbeing Posted January 8, 2023 Author Share Posted January 8, 2023 (edited) . Edited January 8, 2023 by Lovelessbeing Because it was meant to reply another comment Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelessbeing Posted January 8, 2023 Author Share Posted January 8, 2023 1 hour ago, glows said: People who meet in person are in danger of building fantasies about a person. What more never having met? I think not having met someone in person and communicating this long does add to a long running fantasy you may have of him. Nothing is proven in person and everything he tells you is secondhand knowledge - where he lives, who his friends or family are, his job, what he eats, does in his free time. You’ve seen none of this on your own. 1) some of it may be deliberate lies or fabricated stories as he knows you’re time zones away and likely will never be able to see otherwise and 2) you may be creating ideas that aren’t there about him mixing some truths with your own fantasies. And probably the biggest question I have - What is the point of doing a language exchange if you’re not going to actually practice speaking the language? It’s possible he figured you weren’t serious about learning. What did you disagree about? Hello Glows thanks for replying me Is like you read my brain! I have great imagination and the picture he showed me was great, his voice was great (just remembered he did send me a voice message, but not a lot) I'm aware of all that, that is why I have been having trust issues towards all the information he shared with me. From time to time, he felt like a scam because he is into trading and did suggest to teach me the skills, which I have been reluctant to get into, at least with him. I did do some research on my own tho. At the beginning it was fun to talk about this topic because it was new for me, but he became too pushy so we had our arguments because of this. In other words he wanted me to learn on the go which means use my money to "invest" We went past this, I told him I was not interested and if he suggested the topic again I would ignore him, which he respected but since his job is this sometimes the topic did came back but I just dodged it and move on to another thing... But things became cold and here we are. Which another issue was, since we speak different languages, conversations did not flow and I found it hard to make it flow... like connecting dots and keep the conversation up or smothly move away... or make the texting natural... I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself... haha "What is the point of doing a language exchange if you’re not going to actually practice speaking the language?" This is a great question I ask myself too... I'm commited to learn chinese seriously. I'm still taking private lessons and have gotten better at it. At that time, I just started and I did not feel comfortable speaking chinese, because I felt not good enough... I'm ethnically chinese, but couldn't speak the language. I have been made fun a lot since childhood... and so on... I know I shouldn't but... I really hated the idea to sound stupid to him... And not to excuse myself but we did text in chinese all the time, so in some way I did try.... I would love to move on and I thought I did... but because of a "Hi", I'm asking strangers for advice... it seems I haven't yet so... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 I’d be wary of someone goading or pushing me into investing my money when what we should be focusing on is simple topics conversing and practicing the language. Extremely unprofessional, if you ask me, and a lot of red flags there. The simple answer is to look for a language exchange partner who is using the language exchange excuse and platform appropriately and not have any contact with individuals or possibly scammers like this who abuse the system. He obviously has ulterior motives and can tell you are interested. That’s what scammers and con artists do, by the way. The easiest victims are the ones who are lonely and easily emotionally drawn in. I’d go back to the reasons you started the language exchange and be more open about making mistakes. You are learning and it’s fine to ask questions, make mistakes and even if you make mistakes again, it’s part of gaining that knowledge. Don’t worry so much about looking stupid. Most of all these are total strangers - so what if they judge you inappropriately? And someone who is going to do that is not a good teacher. The problem is you being afraid to make mistakes and it’s stopping you from learning. Also shut down any weirdos like this telling you how to invest your money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 2 hours ago, Lovelessbeing said: For the past 2 years I have been chatting with a guy. I met him on a language exchange platform You can have both. A penpal for the purpose of language practice and a local BF. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local men in person. Also broaden your horizons. Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer. Take some classes and courses. Try a fun part time job. Unfortunately the issue seems to be loneliness and that led you to believe this was more than just a language penpal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelessbeing Posted January 9, 2023 Author Share Posted January 9, 2023 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You can have both. A penpal for the purpose of language practice and a local BF. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local men in person. Also broaden your horizons. Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer. Take some classes and courses. Try a fun part time job. Unfortunately the issue seems to be loneliness and that led you to believe this was more than just a language penpal. I thought about it too... But I find myself chatterless (?) I have my periods of chattiness and longer periods of don't wanna chat with most people. Since I stopped to chat with this guy in particular, I didn't feel I wanted to talk to anyone who was or is currently not relevant in my life. I also adopted 2 more dogs which kinda took away that "loneliness". haha And meeting local people, kinda uninterested and feel I can't be bothered... But I''ll make an effort this year, I also think I gotta experience more relationships and broaden my horizons ^^ Thanks Wiseman2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 Although personally, I haven't fallen in love online with anyone, I have felt connected in some ways to whom I have never met face-to-face in the past. Around these neck of the woods. The more important question is whether you really fell in love with someone who you haven't even met physically, or if you fell in love with an online mirage, which is just a figment of someone's imagination rather than a real person. Someone who's just in it for the fun of it, maybe just to find someone to get physical with, or someone who doesn't care as much about finding love as you do? While you may feel that you can fall in love with someone you've never met, whether you stay in love with that person after you've met is quite another matter. I am sure that online love does happen and has happened for lots of people, but so have a lot of online heartaches, and I certainly don't want you to join the throngs of the heartbroken ones. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 The only scenario I could say this is true is when a woman is carrying a baby. she hasn’t met it yet, hasn’t touched the baby and hasn’t heard it’s voice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 Quote Can someone fall in love with another person without meeting them, hearing them or seeing them? Possibly, although I'd suggest this would be being in love with the idea (and idealization) of the other person, the beliefs you have about them, rather than the actual person themself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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