Jorgebar Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 I used to talk with a girl for more than 2 years i met on a datting app with somehow sexual vibes.we live in different countries and lately things got more sexual through chatting and videocalls.we were really into each other.then i decided to visit her for the first time and meet in person for some days and see how it works.we had some good days together and when i left she seemed to be very into me,and also me.we were making plans to travel together and keep it alive when suddenly she took a step back and told me that it turned out to become more friendly by her side.that our situation was too serious and not funny.she told me she started overthinking the distance and that things wont work out living in two differents countries and different lifestyles.can the attraction disapperar because of distance?i understood from her sayings that she started developing feelings and when she started thinking of distance she somehow blocked.was she that scared not to let herself indulge in this situation?although she wanted to keep a friendly touch i decided to cut it off and not talk to each other anymore.
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 17 minutes ago, cheteo said: she wanted to keep a friendly touch i decided to cut it off and not talk to each other anymore. You made the right decision. Unfortunately the situation may have been an adventure, but it's not viable. It's better to free yourself to date local women.
Author Jorgebar Posted January 8, 2023 Author Posted January 8, 2023 14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You made the right decision. Unfortunately the situation may have been an adventure, but it's not viable. It's better to free yourself to date local women. the thing is that i didn't understand what changed!she was saying that she really misses me by her side and i give her so much peace with my presence and the very next day everything changed!i am still really confused!why did she get afraid of letting herself free?
Calmandfocused Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 So in 2 years of online chatting neither one of you clocked that the distance would be an issue? Im sensing an ulterior motive. Move on op.
Author Jorgebar Posted January 8, 2023 Author Posted January 8, 2023 24 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: So in 2 years of online chatting neither one of you clocked that the distance would be an issue? in those two years both of us had their lives,with partners and everything.the communication was rare but everytime we chatted things were spiced up!we also had deep convertations for different things about life and lately our communication was daily for more than 3 months and videochats everynight and not in a friendly way!thats why i thought to give it a try!but i cannot figure out why everything changed from one day to another after i came back!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, cheteo said: why did she get afraid of letting herself free? She is setting herself free, though. Just not in the way you hoped. She probably (rightfully) realized that an online chat buddy is not dating and not fulfilling, in the long-run. She has set herself free of that now. 2 years is too long to be involved in a digitial situation. It was time to let you go. Perhaps she has met a local guy she wants to date. I am sorry, OP. In the future, don't waste your time on someone you can't meet reguarly in person. Edited January 8, 2023 by ExpatInItaly
poppyfields Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 (edited) Chatting and interacting on line can be fun and exciting and even elicit feelings. BUT it's a fantasy, how could it not be? You have not met in person, felt their in-person presence and energy. Once you met in person, reality hit. And if someone is fantasy-driven, as she appears to be, reality is never as exciting as fantasy. The fantasy and image she had of you before in-person meet died. That's why such long distance on line connections rarely work. Seek out local women if you're wanting something long term and sustainable. Or if meeting when you're long distance, don't drag it out for months or years. Two years was way too long. If you can't plan a meet within a few weeks, do not pass go. Edited January 8, 2023 by poppyfields
BaileyB Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 Perhaps meeting you in person helped to clarify what she really wanted - someone who she could see and date in person. Or perhaps she has met someone else. Either way, this relationship has come to and end.
Author Jorgebar Posted January 8, 2023 Author Posted January 8, 2023 7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: The fantasy and image she had of you before in-person meet died. But after i left,she was still into me and making plans for next trips together!She even told me that now she wants to videochat more than before to feel my presence!
glows Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 Yes, of course distance can put things at a standstill. She sounds like she got caught up in the moment and then realized it’s a bad idea. Besides, didn’t you cut her off and stop having contact with her? Good for you. She is setting herself free. So should you.
poppyfields Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 (edited) 44 minutes ago, Jorgebar said: But after i left,she was still into me and making plans for next trips together!She even told me that now wants to videochat m7ore than before to feel my presence! After you met, she needed time to reflect and was most likely attemptimg to hold on to the fantasy image she had of you for two years prior to meet. Eventually it simply could not compete with the reality of you and the entite situation. . Either she became afraid of that reality or got turned off by it. I'm sorry, best to let it go and move on. Lesson learned. Edited January 8, 2023 by poppyfields
Author Jorgebar Posted January 8, 2023 Author Posted January 8, 2023 11 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Either she became afraid of that reality or got turned off by it. The reality of keeping something long distanced you mean?
poppyfields Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 (edited) 37 minutes ago, Jorgebar said: The reality of keeping something long distanced you mean? No because if she were still interested and attracted, while long distance isn't ideal, she would have remained. I know of no woman who would ever end things with a man she was highly attracted to and interested in, no matter how far the distance, not gonna happen. Especially since she's known about the distance for two years. I am really sorry OP, I know that hurts. Moving forward, stay away from such long distance on-line interactions. Seriously. I did when I on-line dated. Men who reached out to me long distance were most likely fantasy-driven or feared real life close committed relationships otherwise they'd be pursuing local women. There are both women and men like this and I suspect this girl may be one such person, again I'm sorry. Edited January 8, 2023 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 3 hours ago, Jorgebar said: in those two years both of us had their lives,with partners and everything.everytime we chatted things were spiced up! Was this an affair? Are both of you in other relationships? Is this situation more about sexting, then deciding to meet? Either way it doesn't seem to have worked out in person.
Author Jorgebar Posted January 8, 2023 Author Posted January 8, 2023 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Are both of you in other relationships? In those two years none of us had something serious!we were just texting typically betimes but we both admitted that there were also sexual vibes in this.And before i went to her country things got more intense and the desire to meet each other was mutual.
Els Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 Welcome to the difficult realm of LDRs. It's quite common for a LDR couple to meet for the first time and then discover that they aren't really attracted to each other IRL, or that they aren't compatible with each other IRL. Sounds like that's what happened here. In the future, it's generally advised to meet a LDR partner much sooner than 2 years in so that you figure out the IRL attraction factor earlier on without wasting so much time. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 She's likely met someone local, OP. Maybe she was waiting to see where that went before deciding if she could cut you loose. This is just not a viable situation. Don't bother with women you can almost never see. It doesn't hold up in the real world.
glows Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 57 minutes ago, Jorgebar said: In those two years none of us had something serious!we were just texting typically betimes but we both admitted that there were also sexual vibes in this.And before i went to her country things got more intense and the desire to meet each other was mutual. Yes, until it wasn’t. She changed her mind. She told you specifically that she doesn’t think the distance and your lifestyles were compatible. Do not forget she mentioned lifestyles which is key as well. The way you choose to live your life doesn’t match with hers. Quote that things wont work out living in two differents countries and different lifestyles We don’t know what exactly she was referring to but I’d take this at face value. She’s not interested. It’s hard to adjust after two years or a lot of back and forth but this is complete no-go for her.
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2023 Posted January 8, 2023 1 hour ago, Jorgebar said: In those two years none of us had something serious!we were just texting typically betimes but we both admitted that there were also sexual vibes It's hard to say if you didn't have real life relationships and sex because you were caught up in this or you got caught up in this because of a lack of local, available women to meet and date. Either way you're free now to let go of this so you can put your time and energy into meeting real life local women. You'll be a lot happier and satisfied in the long run.
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2023 Posted January 11, 2023 What changed? She met you and you weren't what she expected....she didn't feel it. Texting and chatting can't be counted as dating so when you finally met, that was a first date...that's usually when the decision is made if they are interested in seeing you again. Basically she friend zoned you. You made the right choice to ditch her. Next time don't invest 2 years in someone you haven't met. Keep dating locally.
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