butterfingerbbz Posted January 5, 2023 Posted January 5, 2023 (edited) I connected with a new girl via the apps the other week and we seemed to hit it off pretty quickly. A couple days in we talked on the phone, after which she showed high interest. A couple days later we met in person and she pulled away a bit. I loved talking to her but I found out she didn't feel the same. She texted me a couple days later saying she felt we weren't a match. I politely asked her if she wouldn't mind explaining why she felt that way, which resulted in a few good back and forth messages. I asked her if we could jump on the phone instead of text, and the next night we wound up talking for an hour and a half. She said that I was coming off a bit direct and strong whereas she's a bit more gentle and an empath and that relationship dynamic is usually tough for her. I didn't realize I was coming off that way though and, truthfully, that's not really "me." Deep down I'm a pretty sensitive and emotional guy, and our talk gave us a better understanding of each other. By the end of the call we discussed meeting up for another date. She reached out to me the next day and told me how much she appreciated the call. Again though, she seems to have gone a bit cold. I'm keeping my cool, no pun intended, but I do like this girl more than a lot of my past prospects that I've had over the past couple of years and I would like to where things can go with her. Maybe she's still just on the fence and I need to just keep my calm and let her come to me? Should I just give her some space and let her reach out? Edited January 5, 2023 by butterfingerbbz
ShyViolet Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 1 hour ago, butterfingerbbz said: but I do like this girl more than a lot of my past prospects that I've had over the past couple of years and I would like to where things can go with her. Why would you say this when she already clearly told you that you and her are "not a match" and she's not interested? If someone tells you they are not interested in dating you, it's your responsibility to listen and respect that, not keep chasing them. Find someone who is actually interested in you. 3
lonelyplanetmoon Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 Yep shyv is right. Low interest which is just going to waste your time in the end. You can certainly push this thing along but eventually it will run out of steam. ‘There is something about the way she treats you that is making you bite. Think about why that is.
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 10 hours ago, butterfingerbbz said: . She texted me a couple days later saying she felt we weren't a match Sorry for the disappointment. There's really no where to go if someone doesn't see you as a match. The best thing to do is walk away and move forward.
JTSW Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 I know it's hard, but there really isn't anything you can do. She doesn't feel that you are a match and you just need to accept that. Let it go. Tell her you will always be her friend and leave it at that.
bene Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 This is a classic example why it’s not a good idea to explain in great detail why someone wasn’t a match — some people take it as an invitation to further communication or even as a challenge to prove them wrong. She already said that you two weren’t a match, please respect that. 2 1
glows Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 It’s fairly clear she’s not interested and may find you too aggressive or pushy. Unfortunately you proved that to her again when you felt the need to ask her to provide reasons for why you’re not a match. I am not calling you pushy but that’s the way it can come across or probably has come across. I’m not sure if you’re aware but when a person says you’re not a match, it’s an indication to back off, not come in harder pursuing. It’s usually a catchphrase used to signal that there’s no interest on the other end and it’s time to go your separate ways with no hard feelings. Her thanking you for the call was likely politeness and nothing to do with interest on her part continuing to get to know you or meet again. You may be confusing politeness with interest. Pay very close attention and take a person’s word when they say you’re not a match. Be willing to let it go and remain respectful of someone else’s wishes.
mortensorchid Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 I would just move on from this. She already said that she didn't think you were a good match, her interest is low. Just put it up there with "experience" and "knowledge" and that's that.
smackie9 Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 hot/cold people are to be avoided at all costs.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 She's not interested. Interested people don't have to be persuaded to maintain STEADY interest. BTW: you don't want to ask people why they keep distance. Because half the time they'll not tell the truth. And because it doesn't matter. You can't really fix someone's desire or lack of desire for you. And the biggest reason you don't want to ask is you don't care. All that matters is that the person has failed YOUR first criteria for dating, which is clear interest in you! Once they fail that test, you really don't want to waste time with them. Keep your hopes in perspective. You write, A couple days later we met in person and she pulled away a bit. I loved talking to her but I found out she didn't feel the same. This does not have to feel disappointing because you have no real relationship or deep tie to her. Someone pulls away, leave them alone. You want to find someone who can't get enough of you!
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