I WAS SENT to SUPPORT THIS MAN; NOW LEAVING HIM to WITHER

[Healingme]

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The members in these groups have helped me through some very difficult times. I left a very violent relationship in 2016, sought counseling, and have had several healthy love connections since. 
I seem to always chase love. or what I believe is love.

 

 

 

I am in North Carolina with a man I chose after knowing for 10 years. I have posted about him previously. 

He had a rough upbringing, he has major health issues, did time in prison, he truly needs the support.

I quit my job and moved to his state at his request to " save his life" he'd call me daily to ask health advice and swore he was taking steps, he would video me from health food stores and show me all the fruit and herbs he bought

Upon arrival I saw the same fruit was still there, now rotted. it was a ruse 

He lies a lot daily  to friends/family on the telephone about making healthy choices. he seems to believe himself 

With me here  he has improved! all his family and friends say it.  he  is no longer in and out of the hospital. I am very happy for that.

 

My compassion makes me want to sacrifice myself to help him even though he fights me on it. he says " I WANT HIM TO EAT WHAT I WANT HIM TO EAT WHEN I WANT" " NO ONE CHANGES OVER NIGHT"  he remains inconsistent and stubborn

His 23 year old daughter lives with us. we get along well, 

He believes I am attempting to turn her against him, He claims I treat her better than him 

my health choices have declined, it is clear I am not doing as well as I was before making this move. 

we argue a lot, he becomes angry fast if his plate is not made/ served fast. I cannot dare cook and not serve him, IF I don't serve him he will threaten not to take me to work 

He has no patience with me. I get off at 1pm, if i get to the car at 1:12 I am met with a cold shoulder or anger

Grocery shopping is a PAIN he rushes me in every isle says his anxiety is getting the best of him..

If he is sleeping any noise is met with frustration, anger , annoyance I can simply be  putting away dinner remains and cleaning the kitchen. 
 

He's threatened my life verbal, and has shoved me twice. 
[ ] 

this was because he turned the bedroom light on at 2am and I responded with " I have work in the Morning, I hope you are leading by example on how you like to be treated when you are resting 

 

 

He's started multiple businesses since my being here one which is

• dog breeding daily I help with  6 dogs, I run his media pages; creating content etc he refuses to even learn how to share his social media page to people.
• A logistics company, I paid to hire an employee on Indeed, organized all the paperwork for the DOT license he gave up on it because he did not want to be bothered negotiating prices, 
• I check his mail, and he becomes angry if I mention needed to call the IRS soon. " I didn't ask you to check it" then will apologize and say thank you I do need to pay attention to these things. 
• Air bnb, I took the photos, created the account handled the reservations etc. 

 

I feel TERRIBLE leaving this sick man with two pregnant dogs and four puppies, some days he forgets to feed them until 5pm. he has never bathed one. . that is all on me. 

He will forget to let them out to the bathroom and become very angry if they make a mess. 

INTERCOURSE
There is no S** due to his health issues, all that happens is me servicing him 90% of the time. He has accused me of having "boyfriends" in the state, even though I don't even drive here.

 

Edited January 3, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
unacceptable wording

[glows]

What was he doing time for? That’s a big red flag there.

I’d take the dogs and leave. Or call a local rescue and plan your exit as well as a safe place to put the dogs describing the situation. Planning your exit means ending this misplaced sympathy for a person who lies and abuses you. 

You’ll have to own up to this irresponsible situation that you’ve both shared. I hope you realize you’re enabling him, all the abuse including any abuse of those animals that may be suffering unethical breeding practices and neglect. You have to work too so who walks or feeds the dogs when you’re working - one of the many concerns just reading this.

Most of all once you’re in a safe place away from this person try counselling to get to the root of why you’re continuing to feel sympathy or drawn to someone like this. Without understanding why this keeps you stuck you will likely keep repeating the same cycle with abusive partners.

[NuevoYorko]

Clearly you made a huge mistake and the only solution for it is to bite the bullet and move away from this man.   Cut ties.

I'm sure you have predicted that most people here will say you need boundaries; choose healthy partners, don't try to rescue a person who has chosen a downward spiral, etc.  So I won't go into it.   

There really is not a thing to say about this guy or your relationship TODAY.  Don't get bogged down describing all the douchey things he does, it's all typical.   Get free of him and then get help. including some support for co-dependency issues.  

Your wellbeing needs to come first.

[Lotsgoingon]

I'm sorry, we simply do not have the power to fix or rescue people. We don't. We can barely take care of ourselves. 

 

[MsJayne]

He's got mental health issues that you can't fix, he's just using you as a life support machine, draining the life out of you to prop up his lazy, selfish, abusive ass. Life's not a dress rehearsal, don't spend it with people who are cruel to you.  

[JTSW]

You are his housekeeper and secretary, nothing more.

Get out of there and take the dogs with you.

He's a sick man yes, sick in the head.

Don't feel guilty for anything.

Just get yourself and those poor dogs out of there ASAP.