Friend playing games.

[NullNullNull]

First of all, happy New Year! Here's to hoping 2023 will be the year things start to get a heck of a lot better for all of us. 

Here's my disclaimer; I truly wish to receive advice and opinions, I must admit my moral compass is quite broken and my decisions regarding personal relationships have always been lacking to say the least. Apologies in advance for broken English and/or the length of this post. 

My friend (30M) has been attempting to play these childish emotional games with me (25F) as of late. We have known one another for close to 2 years, it's been great for the most of it. Entirely platonic and very casual, sometimes we meet/chat just the two of us but most of the time we have our friend group with us. They're a funny, witty lot. 

For backstory, end of 2022 this friend, let's call him Robert, suddenly started pushing for meetups with me. He invited me on a ski trip in January 2023, which I rejected, then he tried meeting me end of 2022, which I said no to as well, all for valid reasons. I am a careerwoman, pressure is on constantly and end of the year/beginning of the year are exceptionally hectic times for me. I also had some familial issues taking up my time and a fresh diagnosis of skin cancer. Even if I'd had an excess of spare time, I wouldn't have wanted to meet. I tend to retreat and manage things at my own pace when "life" hits me, it's how I am. 

Never mind all that, he kept pushing. This is the part that already pisses me off a bit, he started telling me he was "coming to my neighbouring city". For clarity, he lives a couple hours drive from me. I knew that was hogwash. I had said no to him prior so I just said yeah go ahead and distanced myself. Of course he came to my city. He never went to my neighbouring city. He was here, and obviously he came here for me. He has no other business here. At that point, I felt it rude of me to not go, even though I'd made my stance clear. So I went out with him one evening to meet at a pub. It was nice, we had beers, he brought me a gift and I gave him one as well. He was talking most of the time which I did not mind. I wasn't feeling too negative about this meetup back then, I just thought he was very keen to meet, and that I am a bit stonewall-y. Maybe he had to push me, I don't know. I'm never quite sure if my views are valid or not. 

He asked to meet again the next day but I was working that day. He spent the day here alone and went home. Things were fine for a while after that, I did pull back from social media and my phone in general around that time though. The year was coming to a close, having lost family members, my own cancer diagnosis and a lot of other problems, I wanted to spend some time alone. That's kind of when the game-playing started. 

He sends me random one-worded messages here and there. Vaguely says how I "don't like him" anymore, out of the blue he asks if I want to go on the trip we already have planned for mid 2023, causing confusion, because it is PLANNED. Randomly visits my company's website, goes through all the info and sends screenshots of certain things, asking questions and acting as if he were interested, when he's not. I understand he wants to talk, and wants some kind of answers, but good lord, it pisses me off so much when people do that. If you want to ask something, ask. I have not really fed into any of it. I don't like it. I once asked him "What answer are you looking for?", but that got an ignore from him. If he asks something, I answer, but I don't entertain the poking. 

I have a lot on my plate and he seems to have no respect for that, although that doesn't erase my own cold behaviour. He knows what's going on and I could make the effort to try discuss things with him again as he clearly wants answers, but his poking and playing have honestly made me so mad I find myself not caring anymore. There are certain things that just cause the "ick" in me; game playing instead of having a spine and calling for an adult conversation is one of those things. 

Am I being cruel? My ego is one thing that excels me in my professional life but admittedly gets in my way a lot in my personal life. But the manipulating and games truly have put me off at this point. Throughout the 2 years prior to this soap opera, we were great friends, it was fun, no pushing boundaries or any drama. 

I'm not quite sure how to act. 

[glows]

Be more clear that you don’t have time to meet up or talk but will reach out in the new year. 

When he was asking to visit just say no. Nothing personal, not a good time. 

I have to ask if there are any feelings on your end at the not so conscious level/subconscious. You’re under a lot of stress and many do cope like you do - retreating into themselves to recoup. If it’s purely platonic though why are you so hesitant to just say no, man- now isn’t a good time. Suggest something else and remain upbeat and change the subject. 

Mute his contact if he’s persistent and acting strange. You can reply some other time and not work yourself up seeing any of his messages come in/no notifications. Don’t open them. You’re busy doing other things. Later. 

[JTSW]

Honestly, you could've been a little more sensitive as he clearly has strong feelings for you.

But he also knows the difficulties you are facing and should understand your need to be alone and process.

You need to have a good talk.

Tell him everything that you told us.

That you care about him because he's your friend but that you are finding his behaviour too pushy. 

[ShyViolet]

It's madness that you've let this go on for as long as you have.  You do not need to let him keep playing games with you, you just say NO and then block him if you have to.  You seriously need to stand up for yourself more and stop allowing him to do all this to you out of pity.  You don't owe him anything.  And what you do you mean you have a trip planned with him in 2023?