Supernova11 Posted December 28, 2022 Posted December 28, 2022 So I went for a walk in the forest as I often do to get some fresh air and I bumped into a college friend of mine that I haven’t seen for 27 years… The last time we saw each other, we were 18 and we are 45 now. It was such a shock to both of us. He was with two other people, one looked like she could be his mum and the other looked like a partner or sister. However, we just talked to each other, he mostly asking me questions. We then said goodbye and I carried on my walk and then I was like “shiiiiii…. I want to see him again, I should have got his number. I should have asked who those two people were, was that a partner or not” You see we were really close at college. I found out from a friend at the time that he really liked me but he never asked me out. I dated other people whilst him and I were quite flirty and I always loved his company but nothing ever happened. He would come over my house and my mum always said he was such a nice guy. In fact even though he was really good looking, the main thing I remember is how kind he was. Anyway, back to the present and I have no way of tracing him after the forest encounter. A friend and I have gone through facebook with a fine tooth comb. I have joined some facebook groups and left messages looking for him. Googled and basically tried everything we can to find him. The bottom line is that I’ve done what I can do now and should let it go but I can’t. I also know he may not want to meet up anyway. I know nothing about his present life, the girl he was with may be his partner….but we were so caught up in each other that I somehow don’t think so. Essentially there is not much advice you can probably give. If I can’t find him, then I’ll never know. He could have given his number at any time. I guess I’m just here because it sucks.
ShyViolet Posted December 28, 2022 Posted December 28, 2022 If he wanted to keep in touch with you, he would have asked you for your contact info. But he didn't, so maybe this just isn't meant to be. 1
stillafool Posted December 28, 2022 Posted December 28, 2022 There are also a lot of years between 18 and 45, just sayin. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 28, 2022 Posted December 28, 2022 Check with your alma mater and see if there are class reunions. Try the alumni association, etc. Apps for class reunions etc . By using the classmate and alumni approach, it won't be awkward. You can just catch up as old friends, and that's pretty benign. Perhaps contact some of your connections on LinkedIn in and talk about organizing a reunion and who they're in touch with, etc
MsJayne Posted December 29, 2022 Posted December 29, 2022 I think that if he was interested one of his questions would have been, “Do you live around here?”, followed by, “We should catch up.” Did the two women join in the conversation? Did he introduce them? 2
Alpacalia Posted December 29, 2022 Posted December 29, 2022 (edited) That's a bummer. Once, on vacation, I met and spent time with a man that made me swoon. I tried to locate him online after I got home because we hadn't exchanged contact information. I only knew his first name ("Will") and the town he lived in. "If there's a will, there's a way!" "If there's a will, there's a way!" I told myself over and over again. No dice. My feelings for him eventually faded when I met someone else. There seems to be little you can do since you've tried every possible avenue. Perhaps he will reach out to you or maybe you will meet someone else who will be a good match for you. Edited December 29, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
salparadise Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) [It's possible] that maybe he wishes he had asked for [your] number too. Maybe that was his mother and sister with him and he didn't feel comfortable hitting [you] up for [you] number in front of them. Or maybe he had no way of writing anything down since they were out in the woods. Or maybe it was the same reason that nothing ever happened all those years ago... just not the aggressive type. OP, if you know his name and where he lives you can find him. It may take serious effort, but it's not impossible. Did you try craigslist missed connections? Edited December 30, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility 1
BrinnM Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) I agree with @salparadisebecause you literally don’t know why he didn’t ask you for your number. Same as why you didn’t ask him for his number. Same exact thing. He could be on a different forum right now asking the same exact question. Seriously. If you think this has potential, do some digging. The all too generic “if he were interested he would do XYZ” thing doesn’t really apply here, until it applies, right? Yes, one of the women he was on a walk with could’ve been his wife. But do we know that? No! So - depending on how important this is to you, you could put some effort in it, in order to find out. Won’t hurt. Doesn’t mean you have to be a weird stalker or anything. This can be done subtly. ……. Might lead to something, and if not romance, maybe a revived friendship. Sometimes we literally have to take a risk. There is no way around it. Edited December 30, 2022 by BrinnM 2
glows Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 On 12/28/2022 at 9:12 AM, Supernova11 said: The bottom line is that I’ve done what I can do now and should let it go but I can’t. You can’t? Seems troubling. Why not? I’d explore why this is so important now at this time in your life. People do come and go. You both had a good friendship and he was a decent person but that was a long time ago. I can understand the effort put into this but puzzled why the extensive need to find him with a fine tooth comb. Let it go and be open to meeting new people. Don’t get hung up over this one guy from eons ago. You both were just kids then and it was nice running into one another. Onto new adventures. 1
Author Supernova11 Posted December 30, 2022 Author Posted December 30, 2022 Just wanted to say thanks to all your responses. It’s good to be able to talk here. I’ve decided I can’t do anymore than I can do but where he was walking is where I also walk as it’s an easy way into the forest so maybe we will see each other again or not. I think it will take few days for the shock to fade. Our friendship was really formative to me and I have often wondered what happened to him after college. I left my hometown after college, went to Uni and was away for 12 years in total. I wasn’t on social media again until recently but somehow - he knows I went overseas! Anyway, there are a ton of ways he could have heard about that. someone asked me why I can’t let it go which I have thought about. I think the reason is that there are a few special people that make an impact in your life and he was one of them. However, I know that means he doesn’t have to be in my life now. The bottom line is, I will carry on now as I have been and the shock factor will fade. If I ever did see him again, I’d be in a better position for a rational conversation! 1
Author Supernova11 Posted December 30, 2022 Author Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) 11 hours ago, MsJayne said: I think that if he was interested one of his questions would have been, “Do you live around here?”, followed by, “We should catch up.” Did the two women join in the conversation? Did he introduce them? No he didn’t, and so after I thought the younger one must be a partner. But normally I will introduce myself if I don’t get introduced but it was such a shocking moment, we were both is shock. I was interested and should have said “we should catch up” but I didn’t because I was in shock. He may not have introduced me specifically because he was with his partner but you could also argue that if he was happily with his partner and mum / mum in law, why didn’t he just say “yes, this is my mum and this is my wife Jane”. It’s so easy to try and second guess what was going on. I know I just need to talk him rationally if I ever see him again. Edited December 30, 2022 by Supernova11
Author Supernova11 Posted January 4, 2023 Author Posted January 4, 2023 Wanted to leave an update that we have found each other. Turns out he was also in shock and wanted to meet as well. So we are going out for a drink next week. I bumped into him yesterday in the supermarket with his sister! How flipping freaky is that?! In terms of relationship status, both of us are single and no kids either but we decided that the main thing is to see if we get on as friends and not rush anything so that if we do fancy each other, we hold back a bit. I said I wanted to know him now, not with preconceived ideas of how he used to be and he agreed. I’m not going to continue to update the post but I guess I just wanted to let you know that the strangest things happen. I was expecting to find him on facebook not the supermarket, but he doesn’t even do social media. Thanks for all your help 3
Alpacalia Posted January 4, 2023 Posted January 4, 2023 Wonderful news for the new year! Hope the date goes well.
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