In my 30s, wanting to date . but can't decide between living near family (Miami) or living my best life solo (California)

[bttf]

I'm originally from FL, but have spent several years working and living in California, during my late twenties, early thirties.

I'm a surfer and musician, and I love to hike and enjoy the outdoors often.

After living in California, it's hard to find any place that hits all the bases when it comes to the things I like to do to keep me happy.

But when I'm in California, I'm without a support network. The few friends that I have there are work colleagues, so we aren't that close.

Compare that to Florida, where I have lots of friends and family that I'm close with.

If I were to live as a bachelor in Florida, I would live in Miami. I have a friend circle there that I would enjoy the nightlife with. And I don't have trouble convincing anyone how beautiful the women are in Miami.

It's also close to family, so when I need some downtime to recharge, or to help my parents out as they age, they are just a short drive away. 

Other benefits to Florida include lesser cost of living, lower taxes, and did I mention how beautiful the women are?

I'm in my thirties now and have had several short and long term relationships in the past. Nothing worked out because I never took any of them seriously - just had fun. Now it's time to be serious and find a partner, I think. Or maybe not. I'm not sure - but I want to start dating regardless.

TL;DR: I want to start dating seriously but can't decide between Miami or California  (either SF or LA). Miami has gorgeous women, and is close to friends and family, which should help dating. However Miami has almost nothing satisfying when it comes to personal interests. I like to surf, hike, and play music (e.g. rock, blues guitar) ... None of those are things in Miami. California on the other hand has all that and more. But I'd be a little bit lonely there, which may hamper my efforts in meeting women, and make it a little more emotionally taxing.

Looking for advice from others because I am really stumped on this one. Thanks

[glows]

It doesn’t sound like you’re in FL or CA. Where are you residing now? 

California seems more your vibe but you haven’t stayed long enough to put down roots or really invest in it, immersing yourself or becoming connected to the place or forming more friendships. 

Place is important. Like you I had a similar thought process when deciding where to stay long term. For a time I was split between the east and west coasts but I spend more time in the west especially now. 

Relationships also go more than skin deep and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe all it takes is widening that lens a tiny bit.

[bttf]

I'm in FL currently, after living in Austin, TX for about a year. I thought Austin would be the place - it was pretty awesome and as a musician I was thriving. But I missed having the ocean nearby and also having more diversity in the crowd, like cities in California and South Florida have.

Good point RE: good looks are only skin deep, and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think that's really important - that there is so much more than meets the eye. It's better to be in a place and live a lifestyle that lets you appreciate that vs. a place that motivates you to go after only the superficial...

[Els]

There's never an easy answer when it comes to the question of where to live, for some of us. I often find myself torn between some of the places I've lived in, and my current place of residence, because there are so many different pros and cons.

That being said, in your place my answer would be 100% California. But that's because I really don't care about how good-looking the opposite sex is where I live, and when it comes to relationships, having some common interests would be much more important to me. So, if I was single and looking for a relationship, being in a place where the guys are more likely to enjoy the things I enjoy, would be more important than being in a place where the guys are just... hot. I also don't much care for living near my parents, and while I enjoy living near friends, realistically speaking in this day and age most of your friends will eventually move themselves at some point.

But you will have to make your own choice in that regard.

[bttf]

I guess it's a little tough for me because my family and friend bonds are pretty strong. I come from a South Asian background too, so you may know how family oriented our culture can be.

However I am very independent, having lived in California for several years and other places too ... But I'm having trouble finding the cold-hearted strength to break away from family now as my parents are aging and my friends are starting their families. And though I feel happy staying, I also feel that there is a whole world out there for me in California that I'm missing out on. That I might be short-changing myself.

In terms of how good-looking women are: I agree that looks are only skin deep and that I'm much better off finding someone who shares the same interests as I. Another reason to go where I might enjoy my life more rather than enjoy being a part of others lives.

What Elswyth said about friends moving on at some point ... this is very true however I have a close circle of friends in Florida that I can confirm aren't going anywhere (haha) and that they enjoy life here and I could be a part of that.

[glows]

If not now, you can always move to CA later. 100% relate on the family aspect.