matty145 Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 I guess I have a thing for asian women, I think they're super beautiful and have dated a couple here and there. I've also been with lots of white women as well and find them just as attractive. But I find myself in a position of being teased by my friends and family, getting the title "yellow fever" and such every time I start seeing an asian women. Is this wrong to have a preference for women or should I be discouraged that this may actually be a fetish instead? I don't date them because they're specifically asian, I date them because I find them very attractive and their personality clicks with mine. I don't have much interest in the asian culture itself per se.
stillafool Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 I don't think there's a problem with it. Some guys like blondes, brunettes, redheads so if you love Asian women do your thing. They are beautiful. 2
glows Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 10 minutes ago, matty145 said: But I find myself in a position of being teased by my friends and family, getting the title "yellow fever". I would see this less about race or ethnicity and more about respect, discretion and privacy. For some reason your friends think your preferences are up for jokes. You have to ask yourself if you’re coming across as leering or a womanizer. Are you only attracted to someone on the surface (all about beauty and looks) and have difficulty creating longer lasting relationships?
BaileyB Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 It is unfortunate that your friends and family are not able to be more respectful.
mark clemson Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 It's not wrong to have a preference, although some Asian women may be quite put off if they feel they are being "fetishized" instead of treated respectfully as their own person. So, be a bit cautious in broaching this with partners. If they hear "yellow fever" from either you or your friends and relatives, don't be surprised if they get quite annoyed. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 5 hours ago, matty145 said: being teased by my friends and family, getting the title "yellow fever" and such every time I start seeing an asian women. As you know, that terminology is offensive and racist. It would be cruel to subject anyone to friends and family who think this way. You'll have to do some soul searching to resolve what's going on. 1
Author matty145 Posted December 23, 2022 Author Posted December 23, 2022 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: As you know, that terminology is offensive and racist. It would be cruel to subject anyone to friends and family who think this way. You'll have to do some soul searching to resolve what's going on. Not exactly sure what im supposed to do Edited December 23, 2022 by matty145
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 You do what you do and not worry about it. Tell your friends or family to stop using such racist terminology and to mind their own business. 2
basil67 Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 And if they don't stop using the terminology, stop sharing the details of your life with them 3
Foxhall Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 I imagine you are being over sensitive - it seems merely banter and so on from your immediate circle, they are showing an interest at least in your life, a few people to bounce things off.
Interstellar Posted December 23, 2022 Posted December 23, 2022 (edited) Same i prefer asian or have some asian in them. Beauty is in the eye and all that, you like what you like. Edited December 23, 2022 by Interstellar 1
Lotsgoingon Posted December 24, 2022 Posted December 24, 2022 Nothing wrong with being attracted to members of a specific group other than your own (whatever that means!). Lots of people who are interracially or inter-ethnically partnered have a thing of sorts for their partner's group. They just don't make a big deal out of it when approaching members of that group. Sometimes people like a cultural trait that they notice in their partner's group. Just keep in mind that people generally wanted to be appreciated for being the individuals that they are. And don't let your attraction blind you to the reality that there are many people in your preferred group that you wouldn't particularly like even if you find them attractive at first glance. You still have to screen for the right personal qualities in a person to create a successful relationship.
stillafool Posted December 24, 2022 Posted December 24, 2022 What's wrong with being attracted to the way someone looks? Most people are first attracted by looks. I can't tell you why I like a man with dimples other than I think they look good. What's wrong with that? Why is it when it comes to liking a different race other than your own you have to have a reason? 1
glows Posted December 24, 2022 Posted December 24, 2022 I’m some parts what you’re describing and it is cringy being fetishized for looks. I’m speaking in the first person as a person of Asian heritage, seeing, feeling and wondering where this comes from because being singled out for one’s heritage by an outsider seems quite strange and I’d think most have evolved past that in the way we have begun to travel, mingle and immerse ourselves in other cultures a lot more - globalization. What matters is you’re also valuing someone for more than what they present on the outside. I’m sure there are plenty of others who gain pleasure and validation from being recognized for a specific look. What’s interesting to me is while “yellow fever” is indeed completely racist, I didn’t take offence to it but I do think your friends are unusually rude and disrespectful of your choices however they manifest. I think their choice of words could be different and I also wonder if their disrespect towards you also extends to disrespect to women as a gender. I’d suggest not repeating that language anywhere else and like someone else mentioned don’t keep talking or inviting them into your love life. And then another peculiar thought is that individuals like myself (mixed heritage) would not exist if it didn’t start with a curiosity or attraction or acceptance of other cultures. You said you don’t have any affinity with the culture but if you’re looking for something more meaningful in a relationship eventually full acceptance and understanding is ideal. As long as you’re not hurting anyone and you can live with your choices, who you choose to date or find beautiful is up to you.
poppyfields Posted December 24, 2022 Posted December 24, 2022 (edited) On 12/23/2022 at 6:30 AM, matty145 said: I don't date them because they're specifically asian, I date them because I find them very attractive and their personality clicks with mine... ^So you find ALL Asian women attractive and all Asian women's personalities click with yours? I find this hard to believe. Every woman is an individual with her own style, personality and level of attractiveness regardless of race. Since admittedly you don't date Asian women specifically because they're Asian, best to keep race out of it, it's irrelevant. It just so happens that the women you clicked with, whose energy and personality matched yours and whom you also found attractive were Asian. You stated you also find certain White women attractive, and I would assume IF you met a White woman and your personalities matched and you clicked, you would date her based on what's quoted above. . This is NOT a race issue, I'm confused why you seem to think it is. Edited December 24, 2022 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted December 24, 2022 Posted December 24, 2022 (edited) On 12/23/2022 at 6:30 AM, matty145 said: I've also been with lots of white women as well and find them just as attractive. Again asking why it is you believe this is a race issue, or even an Asian preference issue? Based on quoted above it's not. You've dated a few Asian women and your friends teased you, so what? Date whomever you want and don't allow others to shame you because of it. Stay true to yourself, stand up and be proud of your choices. Edited December 24, 2022 by poppyfields
Weezy1973 Posted December 25, 2022 Posted December 25, 2022 You can date whoever you want. Your friends and family are in the wrong to tease you about. Just like you said here, you date women you find attractive and often (but not always) those women are Asian. If it were me I’d call them out on it. I got teased for apparently “only” dating much younger women, even though it wasn’t true. My longest relationship prior to my marriage was with a woman that was older than me. I did have a couple shortish relationships with women that were 10+ years younger, but those were the exceptions. The vast majority of women I dated were around the same age. All that to say, people are going to see things the way they do for their own reasons. The women in my life teased me the most about “only” dating younger women I suspect because of their own insecurities. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 25, 2022 Posted December 25, 2022 On 12/23/2022 at 3:27 PM, matty145 said: Not exactly sure what im supposed to do Start by categorizing women as "attractive to you" rather than by demographics. You don't need to stereotype anyone. Just make sure your friends and family don't think you're just interested in flavor of the month superficial dating. If that's what they mean by this, it's time for some reflection. 1
stillafool Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 On 12/25/2022 at 7:18 AM, Weezy1973 said: Your friends and family are in the wrong to tease you about. I agree. When I was single I dated who I wanted and could care less what anyone else thought. As long as neither of you are hurting anyone else and are of age it's no one's business and you should tell them that. 1
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 (edited) On 12/24/2022 at 1:21 PM, poppyfields said: ^So you find ALL Asian women attractive and all Asian women's personalities click with yours? I find this hard to believe. Every woman is an individual with her own style, personality and level of attractiveness regardless of race. I like this statement. I date a lot outside my race but I picked the men I dated based on their personality, style and qualities of the heart and of course they had to be attractive to me. If my boyfriend wakes up with white skin one day I will still be crazy about him because among all the reasons why I picked him, his good looks was the cherry on the sundae, not my main focus. Edited December 27, 2022 by Gaeta 1
Nightowl008 Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 On 12/23/2022 at 2:31 PM, stillafool said: I don't think there's a problem with it. Some guys like blondes, brunettes, redheads so if you love Asian women do your thing. They are beautiful. I agree. Everyone has a preference. I wish the people around you were more respectful for your preferences. If they keep 'teasing' you to a point it becomes annoying, I would want to understand why, because then it seems it might come from a personal reason why they keep teasing you (e.g. are they jealous, do they dislike asian people? etc etc)
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