How could someone do this?

[EJay1987]

I was the OW for 6 months and ended this in August. The taken man has been in and out of my life since then begging for another chance, saying he will make things right. I was speaking to him but hadn’t crossed any lines or let him back in in a relationship sense. 
 

Over the last couple of weeks, we were getting closer and he said he wanted to end things with his partner after Christmas and be with me. Stupidly I believed him.

 

We agreed to spend some time together on Monday and we both were aware we were likely to be intimate. 
 

I told him last week that Christmas was going to be hard for me and to tell me in advance if he had any romantic plans with his partner so I could prepare for that. I didn’t want to find out through someone else or afterwards. 
 

He spent time with me on Monday, we were intimate and things seemed good. Monday night he messaged to tell me had plans the next day, I asked if he was staying over night and he said not that he was aware of.

 

The next morning he admitted he was going away for the night, she had booked it he didn’t want to go etc that he had wanted to tell me the day before but didn’t want to ruin the moment. 
 

I feel completely used as he has lied knowing I wouldn’t have let him come over or be intimate had I known about the planned night away. 
 

I know I can’t trust this man, I just thought as he has spent 4 months chasing me again with no sexual or romantic reward, that he was genuine about his feelings. 
 

I don’t understand the constant back and forth with this person.

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, EJay1987 said:

I feel completely used as he has lied knowing I wouldn’t have let him come over or be intimate had I known about the planned night away. 

Well next time tell him you will not have sex with him again until he shows you divorce papers and has moved out of the house with her.  Don't talk to him until it's done.  Then he will know you mean business.  He knows you're too weak for him the way you're doing it now.  It's just a rinse and repeat move.

[BaileyB]

He’a not married to the woman, they are engaged. OP had been hanging on with the hope that he would leave his fiancé to be with her - but, he basically came around for sex this time and that was all.

This is the epitome of the old saying - men will do anything to get sex. Sadly, you fell for it one more time OP. I hope it’s the last time. It’s time to finally let go of the romantic fantasies you have built about this man…

Edited December 21, 2022 by BaileyB

[Luna66star]

He is using you over and over.  As long as you say "yes", it will continue.  Don't believe a word this man says.  You have hope in your heart which is natural but he is not going to change.  Your heart will be crushed each time unless you say no to his desire to play with you!

 

[S2B]

Gosh, it would hurt even more knowing that we had sex and he knew he planned a trip away with her the next day.

i would cut off ALL communication based on he’s a liar (and good at it) and he is willing to use you and deceive his fiancé.

this is not a good man. Run!

find an honest man who treats you right.

[mark clemson]

It's odd that he's engaged and yet chasing you. Clearly he's not overly into the idea of marrying his current partner OR if he is, he has some need to have an AP on the side.

Seems like the simple thing to do is just walk away, ignore any further contacts on his part, and find a new, single partner. This is probably easier said than done, but is, in the end, a quite straightforward solution.

If he comes and announces he's called off the wedding, and you still want him, ask for some proof that it's called off. And if he has it, perhaps you can be with him (if that is really what you want).

I suspect that is not likely to happen, but one never knows.

[NuevoYorko]

I don't understand.  He's married or in a relationship, you have knowingly been the OW.

People in relationships 1) don't need to tell their affair partners if they have "romantic plans with their partner."  It's a given.  2) ALWAYS have family obligations over holidays.  It's a famous trope:  The Other Woman alone on Christmas and New Year's Eve.  You know all this stuff.

If you don't want to be the OW anymore,  stop seeing the guy until / unless he is single at some point.  I know it's hard to do, but it's also very simple.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

If you don't want to be the OW anymore,  stop seeing the guy until / unless he is single at some point. 

And as Dr Phil would famously say… how do you know if he is lying? His lips are moving. He just proved that.