When is enough, enough?

[looneytunes]

When do you say enough is enough?

 

I started dating this girl about 4 years ago. From the time we started hanging out as friends everything was perfect. You ever meet someone and you just automatically clicked? Everything fell into place and life was just great. Unfortunately she had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship about 4 months before I met her. I did not realize it at the time, but she was not over him. The first incident happened when we walked into a store together and bumped into one of her friends. I use the term together lightly because the minute she saw him, she walked off as if I didn’t exist. Come to find out he was one of her ex’s friends and she didn’t want to hurt her ex by having him find out that she was with someone else. This type of incident happened a couple of other times wherever we went. Looking back, I should have stopped it right then and there. But I didn’t. Instead of dropping her I continued to talk to other girls that I was dating. I guess to dull the pain. Christmas time came around and her ex stopped by her house (she lived with her parents at the time). I called. No answer. He continued to text message her and I did not tell her to make him stop unfortunately. I just kept talking to other girls as well. Valentines came around and I didn’t find out until a few months after, but she accepted a heart shaped ring from him. She said it didn’t mean anything and it was just something that she was going to buy herself anyway. Eventually I had enough and we broke up. To me, broken up means broken up. I have never gotten back together with anyone I broke up with. Apparently she did not see it the same.

I started seeing someone right after we broke up. She called to invite me to dinner and I lied to her. Told her that I was busy. Someone was at my place and she knew because she had just driven by. That was the end of that.

Round 2. I bump into her at a basketball game. Out of the thousands of people there. I bump into her and one of her guy friends. We start to talk soon after. I start calling her. I wanted to get back together. She fights me off for a few months, but eventually we get back together. Unfortunately, I think neither one of us has recovered from the first time. She did not even date from the 1 ½ years we were apart (according to her). I was dating a few girls on and off. She has her past insecurities and I have mine. Her ex still showed up at her house during Christmas, but I was there this time. Nothing happened, but it did upset me. He text’d her one night while we were in bed and I had her call him and tell him to stop it. I don’t think he called her after that. The girl I was talking to when I felt like she treated me bad the first go around was one of the girls I eventually dated after we broke up. The 2nd time around, I stopped talking to her. Unfortunately, I still exchanged a few e-mails with her. I was stupid and I totally regret it. There is nothing from that girl that I want or even feel a connection for. This girl wrote me a letter which my girlfriend caught. I was afraid of what was in that letter and I wouldn’t let her read it. I was afraid to get busted for emotionally cheating on her. I was stupid and I regret it more than anything. Even now that my girlfriend and I are no longer together. I will not even speak to that girl. That scenario ended up with me calling that girl in front of my girlfriend and telling her to leave me alone (which makes me feel horrible, because it wasn’t one sided). My girlfriend and I get back together and life is “okay”. We have more issues to deal with now. She was jealous before, but even more after that incident. I can’t go to the mall, coffee shop, work.. anywhere without her feeling jealous about different girls. We eventually have another break.. I’m getting the hang of this whole being on a break thing so I reassure her that even though we are not together. I know that as long as we are talking we are not really apart. I told her that I would not be doing she would be upset about. She assured me that she would not do anything as well. Come to find out that very same week I catch a guy leaving her place in the morning. She did not even have anything to say to me when I confronted her. She didn’t explain herself. Just that anything she said wouldn’t make a difference, anyway. I just knew she cheated on me and it was completely over. I told EVERYONE. Another mistake I will not make again. She explained that it was a child hood friend. Her, a girlfriend and him stayed up late talking and she just let him crash on the sofa. She ignored my phone calls that evening and that morning. It the midst of our arguing I find out that her ex was text messaging her and at her friends baby shower that she assured me he would not be at. She didn’t tell me that either.

Before we broke up it just got even worse. She is uncomfortable with me being around her girlfriends because she doesn’t trust me. She even lied to me to my face about a girls night out for her girlfriend when all their guy friends were going too because she doesn’t want me around them.

Anyway, I’m sorry that this has dragged on. I really feel like this girl is a perfect match and I bet it sound ridiculous after reading this. I just feel like we started off on the wrong foot. If we were on the same page, none of this would ever happen. I am a very loyal boyfriend and have always been a relationship type of guy. We decided to take a month off and not speak to each other. Anytime we do only anger surfaces. She doesn’t even care anymore about anything that she’s done. Only focuses on what I’ve done. I feel like I am the only one trying to work things out because she is not capable of change. Am I being stupid? There are 2 weeks left in our 1 month break.. it has not been easy. I spoke to her once and she basically told me that she’s not will to give anything up that she’s given up when we went out the first time. That girl is gone according to her. I know her, and she just can’t see past her emotions. I know that I can bring her guard down eventually.. but should I? We are both 31 and going on 32. I really feel like she is the one for me. I am not worried about finding another girl, that has never been a problem for me. I just feel like she is the right girl..

[Skeered]

My thoughts on this are that you need to either put this realtionship to rest or get back together with the understanding that you are both starting from scratch and no past issues will be brought up. It sounds like both of you use the past problems against the other one and this is not a sign of true love. First you have to forgive. But also if she can't see her issues through all the stuff she blames you for then she's not ready even if you are.

 

Both of you have hurt the other one by playing games. You either come clean, tell everything and be honest and start from scratch or leave the relationship behind and move on...personally I think it's time to move on.

[looneytunes]

Thanks for taking the time to read my post, SKeered. I appreciate it your thoughts.

[Ruff Ryder]

Make a decision and do it.

 

NOW is the answer to your question. Do what makes you happy.