Classicfiction Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 Hey guys, So a friend of mine met a guy at a get together and thought we might be a match. She sent me some pics of him and I thought he was nice looking, not immediate attraction but more oh he might be cool. So I told her to send him my number and he texted me... seemed nice enough. So I agreed to meet up today after work. Then yesterday he calls me at 3:30 while I'm at work and basically launches into a 30 minute sales pitch about himself. I think I said maybe 5 sentences. He talked about how he's an accomplished fitness guru or something.. how he just bought an audi. How great he is with money... how he ran marathons and did sky diving right afterward. It was a lot. And I found myself rather annoyed by it. I had to pretend there was someone at my desk to get off the call. Anyway, after the call, I was talking to a coworker who said maybe he was just nervous. I'm supposed to meet this guy after work today and really don't want to have to listen to him talk about himself again. But I'm concerned that my friend will think I'm a jerk for not at least doing the meetup. What do ya'll think I should do? Go with it for the drinks and bow out after or just cancel all together?
Alpacalia Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 (edited) There is something to be said about a man who can run marathons, right? He's trying to qualify himself. Display his fancy plumage. It's okay to dislike it (a little) if he does this. Keeping you impressed isn't good, so it's not good of him. But hey, once he relaxes, maybe he'll be fine. Maybe you'll decide to go on the date. If he starts acting like himself, maybe you just need to tell him to chill out. Edited December 16, 2022 by Alpacalia
FMW Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 Do what you feel. If you're really turned off, then don't waste time meeting him. I find if I'm really dreading something it usually doesn't turn out well anyway. But if you're truly not sure and have at least a little bit of interest left, give him a chance. If it's not going well you can always say that you can't stay out long and need to get home (or wherever).
Alvi Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 No, don't cancel. Go meet him. What the worst that can happen? lol Maybe he was nervous and tried to impressed you. First meets are just that, first meets. Keep it short and end it quickly by saying that you have something to do in case you find not enjoying yourself. 56 minutes ago, Classicfiction said: Then yesterday he calls me at 3:30 while I'm at work Did he realize that you are at work when he called you? Either don't answer or tell a person that you are busy next time if someone calls you while you are at work. Say for example: "I am busy at work right now. Could you call be at 7 pm tonight? That way we have more time to talk." If they don't get it, oh well, end things.
glows Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 That’s why I don’t trust my friends to set me up. I was in the same boat not long ago when I was single and dating. It just turned into hilarity and thankfully we could both laugh about the attempt. Is there a possibility you’re just nervous as well? He can really say as much as he wants. I’m sure he’s aware you aren’t simply persuaded by words. Since it’s the day of I’d likely go since I committed to it but would excuse myself after an hour or two. Don’t let it drag on and have a plan to exit and excuse yourself gracefully. This probably won’t work out if you’re this annoyed but it doesn’t hurt meeting him.
Weezy1973 Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 It’s just a date. Worst thing that happens is you have a terrible time, but then it’s over and you never have to see him again. If you’re going to date at all, you need to be comfortable with that possibility. Chances are though it won’t be terrible. Nor will it be great. It also won’t be a match. That’s the reality of dating strangers. Go on the date.
Author Classicfiction Posted December 16, 2022 Author Posted December 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: There is something to be said about a man who can run marathons, right? He's trying to qualify himself. Display his fancy plumage. It's okay to dislike it (a little) if he does this. Keeping you impressed isn't good, so it's not good of him. But hey, once he relaxes, maybe he'll be fine. Maybe you'll decide to go on the date. If he starts acting like himself, maybe you just need to tell him to chill out. Lol yes there was definitely plumage happening.. I was a little overwhelmed by it. He made a joke and said if he were to ever write a book it would be called "Enough about me, Let's talk about what you think about me." Ughh lol. I guess I'll go and see if he chills out. At least I can give an entertaining update if nothing else. My friend described him as chatty so I think this might be a personality trait. We shall see. 1
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 Absolutely go ! Manage this with humor. If he starts talking about himself in a pompous manner again just say *that's material for your book right*.....lol Looking forward to an update. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 You can go or not go. But let's be clear, the problem here isn't just him. The problem is also you. You simply do NOT let someone talk to you this way, on and on about themselves--especially someone you don't know. You gotta find your voice. Otherwise, you're going to waste all kinds of time because you aren't assertive enough. If you don't find your voice, you'll encounter people who only hog the call for 15 minutes and your standards will be so warped, that you'll think this person is a great guy. Another red flag: you are "concerned" about the reaction of the friend setting you up. You don't go out on a date because you are "concerned" about someone else's reaction. That's middle school. And most people are mature enough to know that a person that just excites me might totally annoy my close friend. People know that. So here's a compromise. See I'm right. Go out to the meetup and see if he gets lost in talking about himself (which he will) and see if you can manage to speak up and stop the filibuster (my guess is you'll struggle). Time the date. If he just talks, you want to get out of there by 30 minutes max. I'll even volunteer you a line you can. As you're standing to leave, you can say something like, "Well thank you for meeting. You have a lot good stuff going on in your life, but I don't see a future for us. But good meeting you." A mild smile and go.
Author Classicfiction Posted December 16, 2022 Author Posted December 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: You can go or not go. But let's be clear, the problem here isn't just him. The problem is also you. You simply do NOT let someone talk to you this way, on and on about themselves--especially someone you don't know. You gotta find your voice. Otherwise, you're going to waste all kinds of time because you aren't assertive enough. If you don't find your voice, you'll encounter people who only hog the call for 15 minutes and your standards will be so warped, that you'll think this person is a great guy. Another red flag: you are "concerned" about the reaction of the friend setting you up. You don't go out on a date because you are "concerned" about someone else's reaction. That's middle school. And most people are mature enough to know that a person that just excites me might totally annoy my close friend. People know that. So here's a compromise. See I'm right. Go out to the meetup and see if he gets lost in talking about himself (which he will) and see if you can manage to speak up and stop the filibuster (my guess is you'll struggle). Time the date. If he just talks, you want to get out of there by 30 minutes max. I'll even volunteer you a line you can. As you're standing to leave, you can say something like, "Well thank you for meeting. You have a lot good stuff going on in your life, but I don't see a future for us. But good meeting you." A mild smile and go. Lol. I actually did try to respond a few times and he talked over me. I'm not one to try and expend energy trying to talk fast enough to get someone to shut up. My only concern is that I might end up saying something that could be construed as rude, such as "hmm well I know everything about you and yet I am a complete stranger to you. Good day." Which is a possibility if I drink.
Lotsgoingon Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 Nothing wrong with being short with him. 2
Author Classicfiction Posted December 16, 2022 Author Posted December 16, 2022 11 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Personality counts... Yeah actually I have a date planned with another guy on Saturday who by contrast seems very calm and low key. We've had normal two sided conversations. I guess it just made things really stand out with this guy I'm supposed to meet tonight. 1
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 IMO first impressions count. This guy is totally pushing his limits and doesn't have a decent set of boundaries. If you don't want to go, don't. Say something came up and don't reschedule. 1
Alpacalia Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Classicfiction said: Lol yes there was definitely plumage happening.. I was a little overwhelmed by it. He made a joke and said if he were to ever write a book it would be called "Enough about me, Let's talk about what you think about me." Ughh lol. I guess I'll go and see if he chills out. At least I can give an entertaining update if nothing else. My friend described him as chatty so I think this might be a personality trait. We shall see. It can be difficult to tell at times. It is a reminder for me of this one particular date. He initially seemed a bit impatient and a bit pushy (leading up to the date). In person he was the complete opposite. A gentlemanly gentleman on the date. Things tend to unfold on their own. Your impression of him in person may be very different. Even so, I dislike how he talks over you. My advice to you is to go on a date. It's only one date, after all. It may turn out to be a really good time for both of you. Edited December 16, 2022 by Alpacalia
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2022 Posted December 16, 2022 5 hours ago, Classicfiction said: Go with it for the drinks and bow out after Do this. It's a win-win situation. Your friend feels appreciated and you may like him better in person. If not, no harm, no foul just a brief time and a drink. If there's no in person chemistry, that's fine, just tell him thanks but you're not a match. 2
Alvi Posted December 17, 2022 Posted December 17, 2022 If nothing else, at least you are going to meet someone new and to find out about this person's way of life. Have fun, enjoy your date. Keep it short and sweet if it doesn't go well.
Lotsgoingon Posted December 17, 2022 Posted December 17, 2022 Do we get to hear about your decision and the date itself? 1
Author Classicfiction Posted December 19, 2022 Author Posted December 19, 2022 So I ended up going out with the guy and I was actually attracted to him in person. The conversation was also better in person and he did allow me to talk... I think he was more interested in listening in person. It was a fun date and ended up making out with him for about 20 minutes afterward.. Then I went on the date with the other guy on Saturday and that was pretty good too! I have more in common with the second guy and the conversation was really good. Then ended up making out with that guy too lol... the kissing wasn't as exciting as with the first guy though and I'm not as attracted physically. Buuut, guy number one called me last night and again it was a rather painful phone convo that went on for an hour. He just seems to like to hear himself talk ughh. Plus was yelling at his dog. He told me that he wasn't always an extrovert and had to develop his extroverted personality. Honestly it sounds like he's in sales mode on the phone for some reason. It really seems like a mask and he has some narcissistic qualities. I'm supposed to go to the movies with guy number one on Friday. And meet up with guy number 2 next week. I kind of wish I could combine them into one man.
glows Posted December 19, 2022 Posted December 19, 2022 Guy 2 sounds more on your wavelength. I wouldn’t continue seeing the first one. There’s something wrong there.
Alpacalia Posted December 19, 2022 Posted December 19, 2022 (edited) With the first man, have you looked for things you like about him and things you have in common? What happens if you segue to divert the conversation away from him? While I am sure that you would like to hear about his day or talk about topics together that interests the both of you, it is not necessary to listen to every detail nor to stay on the phone for so long. What caused him to yell at his dog? Did he interrupt him? It's up to you if you can accept his phone chatterbox nature. Too much talking can be overbearing. While it might seem harsh, it isn't always flattering. Maybe he is trying too hard to impress. In all the wrong ways, too. Not saying that's the case here. Whatever the reason. What does he do for a living (if you do not mind sharing)? Perhaps he doesn't know when to shut off between work and personal life if his job requires a good deal of extroversion. The second man, sounds like you're better suited. Ah, but with the caveat that he doesn't crinkle your toes. Happy dating! Edited December 19, 2022 by Alpacalia
Author Classicfiction Posted December 19, 2022 Author Posted December 19, 2022 24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: With the first man, have you looked for things you like about him and things you have in common? What happens if you segue to divert the conversation away from him? While I am sure that you would like to hear about his day or talk about topics together that interests the both of you, it is not necessary to listen to every detail nor to stay on the phone for so long. What caused him to yell at his dog? Did he interrupt him? It's up to you if you can accept his phone chatterbox nature. Too much talking can be overbearing. While it might seem harsh, it isn't always flattering. Maybe he is trying too hard to impress. In all the wrong ways, too. Not saying that's the case here. Whatever the reason. What does he do for a living (if you do not mind sharing)? Perhaps he doesn't know when to shut off between work and personal life if his job requires a good deal of extroversion. The second man, sounds like you're better suited. Ah, but with the caveat that he doesn't crinkle your toes. Happy dating! So on the second phone call I kept talking when he tried to interrupt me at one point to see what would happen and got a tad bit louder. He kept going and we were both talking at the same time lmfao. It was so weird! He was yelling at his dog for nudging him. He said his dog could hear my voice because I was on speaker and the dog was trying to be social. I don't know.. he just sounded like a dick to me at that point. Ughh but the kissing was so good! Funny enough when I told him he was a good kisser he said that every woman he has ever dated has told him he's an excellent kisser. Just comeon man, what is with the continous bragging?! Honestly I told him my therapist is an excellent conversationalist and was tempted to tell him I have the hots for my therapist which is the truth lol.
Author Classicfiction Posted December 19, 2022 Author Posted December 19, 2022 37 minutes ago, glows said: Guy 2 sounds more on your wavelength. I wouldn’t continue seeing the first one. There’s something wrong there. Guy 2 is a sweetheart and he is cute. But the kiss was lacking a bit for me. I'm not sure if it's because of how close the two dates were together or what. What do you think could be the issue with the first guy or just not a good personality match?
Alpacalia Posted December 19, 2022 Posted December 19, 2022 2 minutes ago, Classicfiction said: So on the second phone call I kept talking when he tried to interrupt me at one point to see what would happen and got a tad bit louder. He kept going and we were both talking at the same time lmfao. It was so weird! He was yelling at his dog for nudging him. He said his dog could hear my voice because I was on speaker and the dog was trying to be social. I don't know.. he just sounded like a dick to me at that point. Ughh but the kissing was so good! Funny enough when I told him he was a good kisser he said that every woman he has ever dated has told him he's an excellent kisser. Just comeon man, what is with the continous bragging?! Honestly I told him my therapist is an excellent conversationalist and was tempted to tell him I have the hots for my therapist which is the truth lol. Do you think he's abusive towards animals? Both talking at the same time . My ex chattered a lot. I was like "honey, please, for the love of all that's holy, shush!" I say keep him in the casual pile. Could be fun. Unless he abuses animals.
glows Posted December 19, 2022 Posted December 19, 2022 6 minutes ago, Classicfiction said: Guy 2 is a sweetheart and he is cute. But the kiss was lacking a bit for me. I'm not sure if it's because of how close the two dates were together or what. What do you think could be the issue with the first guy or just not a good personality match? There were a number of unflattering and problematic observations about guy 1. You’ve described conversing with him on the phone as painful, likes to hear himself talk, sounded like a dick (your words here), in sales mode, continuous bragging, having a mask, having narcissistic qualities. We don’t know this person and from one date unfortunately neither do you. Turn this around for a second - would you go on a date with someone who thought any or all the above about you?
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