Why do I feel this way when I already have the perfect BF?

January 16, 2023

Avayarna,

Generally, I don't comment on the dating thread, as I never have really dated, and so do not have things to say that may actually help. In this case, I do have experience, from my early relationship with my wife, then girl friend, who did cheat. Now, we have been together for 50 Plus years, so in answer to your question, yes a relationship can go on from cheating while dating. So, that is the good thing. Not that my life experience is some model to follow, just one example of many.

1) I have never forgotten that she cheated. I did not use it against her in arguments now and during our marriage. When she did cheat in the marriage around 20 years, and I found out later 10 year after the fact, I choose to work on that as a separate issue. Yes, it does still give me pain even after all these years, so this is something that one cannot just forget and have no lasting impact.

2) You need to come completely clean on everything you did, and any past things that may impact the marriage. I know my opinion will be unpopular, but your sexual past should be an open book to him. It is not what you did, it is the fact that you are keeping secrets from him. (this applies to him as well). It is secrets that cause the real damage. IF you are going to married for life and soul mates, you need to be able to talk to each other about anything.

3) You need to come completely clean on the why and how of the cheating. You need to agree to be open and honest and completely communicate with him on what going on in your life. I do not mean every thought in your head, but if you are attracted to someone, you need to let him help you with it. (OBTW, being attracted to others is just being human, it is how you deal with this knowing you are taken) If something is not going well, health, finances, etc, find a way to deal with what comes down the pike in the future. Both of you talk it out on what you will do. Seek his help, give you help as needed. Remember it is a partnership.

4) Any mistakes later in the marriage, or relationship, need to be looked at as a one off. Do not pile thing on top of each other but try and look at each thing separately. A caveat, is if the same thing happens, then it is a pattern and the why it keeps happening must be addressed. Fight fair. Keep in mind, relationships eb and flow. Be prepared for the eb, and accept the good time with the flow. Remember, there will be times were you may still love the other, but not like them too well. This is normal, but if you stick it out love and good times always return. (Did with us)

5) You need to figure out why you did this for yourself, and deal with it. No mate can be all things and give you all their attention all the time. You to him, and him to you. I suggest a non negotiable, hard DATE night once a week. Set aside a time where you both do things together, and make good memories. This would be the biggest advice I can give for a long and good relationship. Date night is for fun only, so keep disagreements and other issues away from it. Even if you have to fake it. This is time to have fun with each other.

6) Lastly, have lots of sex. Say "yes" when ever possible to each other. Never with hold sex, for other reasons.

My two cents, and I wish you luck.

Edited January 16, 2023 by understand50

January 16, 2023

This question is best answered by your boyfriend. Unfortunately people will perceive cheating differently and sometimes it’s a point of no return.

I think the real questions you might want to reflect on is what led you to cheat? You were feeling dismissed and as if he didn’t put in enough effort in the relationship or were living as roommates. Your previous thread was a play by play of all that went on from the flirting to sleeping with your boyfriend’s sister’s roommate and meeting up with the other guy before breaking off your relationship. You call your boyfriend “strong” but yet didn’t view him as such before you cheated or were deciding to break up with him. By your actions it seems you were in considerable contempt and didn’t seem to think he was so strong then. Being obstinate, dismissive, uncaring is not being strong.

If he wasn’t listening to you then what makes you think he’ll listen to you in the future? The cheating got his attention but it’s negative. What you’re doing is begging for your boyfriend’s attention doing things that shock or hurt him. Once you both find status quo again he will go right back to what he used to be if he doesn’t put in the work either in this relationship.

I understand you’re now living with your mother and sister? How is this affecting your studies? Try not to get caught up in knee jerk feelings after a break up. You weren’t married with this guy and you don’t have children. My thoughts are you’ll probably try your hardest to keep this going for as long as possible because he’s been a support both financially and mentally to you. Hopefully you can grow and learn to be more independent and make decisions also that don’t erode the trust of others around you or lead you to keep hanging onto a situation that has profoundly changed.

January 16, 2023

I noticed you still haven't answered the question on who ended things with Dave and it is important. You didn't sleep with him just one time and then try to get back with your bf. It happened multiple times and may be still happening if your ex's sister wouldn't have said anything. Or did Dave satisfy his lust and ego and then move on like alot of people here predicted? If that's the case, you have to think about whether or not you really want your ex, or if you're just afraid to be alone. It's not fair to go back with him if he's not truly who you see a future with. He deserves someone whose with him for the right reasons and if you don't feel true unconditional love for him, temptation will most likely lure you away again.

Right now you have to really figure out if what you're feeling for your ex is love or just a safety net. I suspect the latter based on what you've said in the past.

As for your question. No, things will never be the same. He may forgive you for your betrayal, but he will never forget. My bf/ now husband slept with at least 7 other girls right after we went on a break premarriage. That's wasn't even true cheating but to me it felt that way. We've been married over 20 years and it still hurts to think about and I will never understand how he could do that after being with just me for 4 years. Even if you work things out with your ex, he's always going to remember at one point he wasn't enough for you and wonder if that time will ever come again.

January 16, 2023

5 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

Or did Dave satisfy his lust and ego and then move on like alot of people here predicted?

I'm curious about how this ended as well. I remember you saying you were going to spend time with him at your bf's sister's place while she was away on the weekends and I told you not to do that because it was tacky and you'll get caught. Did you get caught?

January 16, 2023

6 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

So there’s this thing cheaters do when they cheat which is called rewriting history. Clearly in your last thread the reason you cheated is because you were attracted to and felt a connection with the other guy. Now you’re rewriting history to protect your ego. Instead of just saying I did a terrible thing to my boyfriend and was doing it for selfish reasons, you say there were problems in the relationship which drove you to cheat. Sticking with that story will definitely keep you boyfriend from trusting you. Complete honesty with yourself - just read your previous thread for a refresh of your thinking at the time - and then complete honesty with your boyfriend might salvage things. In fact show him the previous thread so he can see exactly what kind of person you are and then decide for himself.

This is the way.

January 16, 2023

Thanks for the replies. It really helps. Especially from the guys because I really wanted a guys' POV on this. There are some things I'm not clear on though, and I also think there's been some misunderstandings I'd like to clear up.

11 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

So there’s this thing cheaters do when they cheat which is called rewriting history. Clearly in your last thread the reason you cheated is because you were attracted to and felt a connection with the other guy. Now you’re rewriting history to protect your ego. Instead of just saying I did a terrible thing to my boyfriend and was doing it for selfish reasons, you say there were problems in the relationship which drove you to cheat. Sticking with that story will definitely keep you boyfriend from trusting you. Complete honesty with yourself - just read your previous thread for a refresh of your thinking at the time - and then complete honesty with your boyfriend might salvage things. In fact show him the previous thread so he can see exactly what kind of person you are and then decide for himself.

I get your point Weezy, but with all due respect it's clear to both of us that we do have some problems we need to work on, and that they are at least a part of the reason why I cheated. I've even already had a counselor tell me 'you don't cheat in a vacuum'. But I definitely feel like I'm more to blame because I was the one who actually cheated. I handled the situation immaturely and that's on me.

6 hours ago, JTSW said:

But it's not for him to fix is it.

You broke it, not him.

You ARE the problem.

You are the one that couldn't help yourself.

No amount of couples therapy is going keep your betrayal out of his mind.

Again, yes I understand. This is all my fault but I do think there are underlying problems to be fixed which is why I think counseling can help. And my hope is not that he will forget as much as he will understand. And from all my reading it seems that understanding why it happened is key to making sure it doesn't happen again.

6 hours ago, PotatoHead said:

I'm a guy who's GF cheated on him and we are still together trying to rebuild 2 years later.

As others have said, no it will never be exactly the same. But you can still have a great relationship potentially, given that...

1) You do the hard work to address the underlying issues that led to the cheating. Which it doesn't sound like you are doing, you are still trying to blame issues in your relationship. The only thing that allowed you to cheat was you, and you need to figure out why.

2) You do everything possible to show your BF that you have changed or are working on changes so that it would never happen again, to eventually allow him to trust you again to an extent.

3) You accept that the relationship will never be the same. He will always hold onto pain because of this, and though it may lessen over time it will still be there. The trust will never be back 100%, that is your fault and you have to be understanding of that.

I can say from experience that if you can manage to save the relationship, it will be one of the hardest things you ever do. It's been 2 years since my GF cheated, and she didn't even allow it to become physical. Just messages. Not a day goes by that it still doesn't cross my mind, but the pain does fade over time. Some days are harder than others. You will have to be extremely patient. If my GF had a physical affair I don't think I would have been able to get past it.

Best of luck

Why do you say you couldn't get past it if it was physical? If it was cheating, what difference does it make, emotional vs physical? When I imagine this happening to me, I would guess that the emotional cheating could even be worse than the physical (if there was no emotion involved) but I think I could work through either one. That is, if I saw true change on his part and him making efforts.

6 hours ago, understand50 said:

Avayarna,

Generally, I don't comment on the dating thread, as I never have really dated, and so do not have things to say that may actually help. In this case, I do have experience, from my early relationship with my wife, then girl friend, who did cheat. Now, we have been together for 50 Plus years, so in answer to your question, yes a relationship can go on from cheating while dating. So, that is the good thing. Not that my life experience is some model to follow, just one example of many.

1) I have never forgotten that she cheated. I did not use it against her in arguments now and during our marriage. When she did cheat in the marriage around 20 years, and I found out later 10 year after the fact, I choose to work on that as a separate issue. Yes, it does still give me pain even after all these years, so this is something that one cannot just forget and have no lasting impact.

2) You need to come completely clean on everything you did, and any past things that may impact the marriage. I know my opinion will be unpopular, but your sexual past should be an open book to him. It is not what you did, it is the fact that you are keeping secrets from him. (this applies to him as well). It is secrets that cause the real damage. IF you are going to married for life and soul mates, you need to be able to talk to each other about anything.

3) You need to come completely clean on the why and how of the cheating. You need to agree to be open and honest and completely communicate with him on what going on in your life. I do not mean every thought in your head, but if you are attracted to someone, you need to let him help you with it. (OBTW, being attracted to others is just being human, it is how you deal with this knowing you are taken) If something is not going well, health, finances, etc, find a way to deal with what comes down the pike in the future. Both of you talk it out on what you will do. Seek his help, give you help as needed. Remember it is a partnership.

4) Any mistakes later in the marriage, or relationship, need to be looked at as a one off. Do not pile thing on top of each other but try and look at each thing separately. A caveat, is if the same thing happens, then it is a pattern and the why it keeps happening must be addressed. Fight fair. Keep in mind, relationships eb and flow. Be prepared for the eb, and accept the good time with the flow. Remember, there will be times were you may still love the other, but not like them too well. This is normal, but if you stick it out love and good times always return. (Did with us)

5) You need to figure out why you did this for yourself, and deal with it. No mate can be all things and give you all their attention all the time. You to him, and him to you. I suggest a non negotiable, hard DATE night once a week. Set aside a time where you both do things together, and make good memories. This would be the biggest advice I can give for a long and good relationship. Date night is for fun only, so keep disagreements and other issues away from it. Even if you have to fake it. This is time to have fun with each other.

6) Lastly, have lots of sex. Say "yes" when ever possible to each other. Never with hold sex, for other reasons.

My two cents, and I wish you luck.

Thank you for sharing this. It really encourages me. Hearing stories like this makes me hopeful that we could be the same. And the fact that it's been 50 years obviously shows it can be real.

But I do have some questions/comments on what you said,

1) I'm glad to hear that. My bf is the same. I know he wouldn't ever use this against me in an argument or anything. He is crushed right now, but he is a good person and I trust him on this.

2) I'm not sure I could tell my bf every little detail. It's really hard on this side of things. Perhaps someday I could share all the details, but right now I'm not sure he could handle it. I feel like it's my job to protect him. But I did admit to cheating. I just will not tell him how often I was seeing him these past few weeks. I'm not sure that's really important tbh. What's important is I cheated, and was wrong. I don't want to drag it out by discussing all the gory details.

3) Yes, I've been thinking a lot about why I did this and we're discussing all of our issues. I'm trying to be brutally honest with myself about it and no doubt a counselor will be able to help uncover any other issues we need to address.

5) I really like that idea! I think I will mention this to him tonite.

6) I do think I sometimes struggle with this. My problem is it's hard for me to get romantic after we've been arguing about something. It seems that this is a bigger problem for girls than guys, imho. But I do agree and will try to separate things in my mind.

4 hours ago, princessaurora said:

I noticed you still haven't answered the question on who ended things with Dave and it is important. You didn't sleep with him just one time and then try to get back with your bf. It happened multiple times and may be still happening if your ex's sister wouldn't have said anything. Or did Dave satisfy his lust and ego and then move on like alot of people here predicted? If that's the case, you have to think about whether or not you really want your ex, or if you're just afraid to be alone. It's not fair to go back with him if he's not truly who you see a future with. He deserves someone whose with him for the right reasons and if you don't feel true unconditional love for him, temptation will most likely lure you away again.

Right now you have to really figure out if what you're feeling for your ex is love or just a safety net. I suspect the latter based on what you've said in the past.

As for your question. No, things will never be the same. He may forgive you for your betrayal, but he will never forget. My bf/ now husband slept with at least 7 other girls right after we went on a break premarriage. That's wasn't even true cheating but to me it felt that way. We've been married over 20 years and it still hurts to think about and I will never understand how he could do that after being with just me for 4 years. Even if you work things out with your ex, he's always going to remember at one point he wasn't enough for you and wonder if that time will ever come again.

Well, I do not want to use my bf as some kind of safety net. I've been honest with him as to my feelings, he knows I'm not as physically attracted to him as I am with Dave but he says we can get that back. And I know he will never forget, I understand that, but I am hoping the pain will fade and that he can learn, in time, maybe months from now, to trust me again. We're actually starting counseling next week.

4 hours ago, stillafool said:

I'm curious about how this ended as well. I remember you saying you were going to spend time with him at your bf's sister's place while she was away on the weekends and I told you not to do that because it was tacky and you'll get caught. Did you get caught?

Well, if you all must know, yes, you were all right. Dave turned out to be the exact opposite of what I am looking for in a relationship. It was just cheap meaningless sex. I had never had that before. I guess I just did it for the sex and attention. Slutty, I know. But he did not leave me, it was I that ended things.

And yes we got caught. His damn sister came home early Sunday and caught us red-handed. So yes, you were right about that too.

So yeah I messed up and this is all my own fault. And my bf deserves better.

Happy now?

January 16, 2023

6 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

Happy now?

Why would anyone here be happy about this? It doesn't affect our lives at all; but I'm sorry that you got caught red handed. That must have been awful. You didn't answer about the tuition, are you still expecting that?

January 16, 2023

6 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

And yes we got caught. His damn sister came home early Sunday and caught us red-handed.

So goes from bad to worse. I don’t think your boyfriend, in the end, is going to be able to get over this. At the moment he’s hurting from the breakup and wants to deal with that pain which will temporarily happen if you get back together. But once his emotions calm down, and he’s able to assess things, it’s going to be really tough to trust you again. The quote above makes it sound like if you were never caught you might still be with Dave. Yikes.

January 16, 2023

15 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

Why do you say you couldn't get past it if it was physical? If it was cheating, what difference does it make, emotional vs physical? When I imagine this happening to me, I would guess that the emotional cheating could even be worse than the physical (if there was no emotion involved) but I think I could work through either one. That is, if I saw true change on his part and him making efforts.

Because this was the one saving grace that has allowed me to move past the pain and attempt to restart our relationship. Knowing that she still cared enough about me to realize things were going the wrong direction and she was able to put a stop to it before it got too far. In our case she claimed it was never really emotional either, just that she enjoyed getting some attention for a while and flirted back, making him think he had a chance. But the problem with playing these games is that we can never know what you really felt about that other person, what thoughts you had about them, or whether you will ever think about another man that way again. After it happened once I will always have my guard up and have to set stricter boundaries because of it. I will never think of her the same way again knowing that she could tell me the way she felt about me and then go and talk to another man behind my back. She isn't the same woman I thought she was. But despite that, I think what we can have together in time is worth all the work it's going to take, and the good will outweigh the bad memories of the past.

January 16, 2023

21 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

Well, I do not want to use my bf as some kind of safety net. I've been honest with him as to my feelings, he knows I'm not as physically attracted to him as I am with Dave but he says we can get that back. And I know he will never forget, I understand that, but I am hoping the pain will fade and that he can learn, in time, maybe months from now, to trust me again. We're actually starting counseling next week.

Why should he trust you? You had sex with his sister's roommate and didn't confess but was caught by her. Do you realize how humiliating that is for him? Obviously not or you would have made Dave spring for a hotel room. Now you've made your bf aware that you are more physically and sexually attracted to Dave than him. Pain like this doesn't just fade it takes major work and forgiveness to get pass this, much less carry on in a relationship with the cheater. It would be different if you guys were married a number or years with kids and a mortgage. The way you both are now I'm sure his family is begging him to move on from you because he can do better. Your words and expectations sound extremely selfish. It's clear you're only thinking about yourself and what's best for you rather than your boyfriend.

January 16, 2023

18 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

I’m confused……we’re you planning on endingit? Why salvage it because you cheated?

You said you chose to end it with Dave but I don't believe you. It was being caught that ended it. Dave, I imagine, was kicked out of his home. A lot of drama.

It's actually painful reading about how your ex is willing to do anything / everything to "fix" what happened. In reality, it's not time for couples' counseling at all. Yes, that would be in the cards if you and he got to that point. I understand that there were things wrong with your relationship, and of course, "cheating doesn't happen in a vacuum." Yet, the cheating is 100% your responsibility and your ex boyfriend has absolutely zero responsibility for your choice there. Millions of couples go through difficult times in their relationships and don't try to deal with them by having sex with someone else.

You definitely did treat your ex with contempt. In your other thread (which really does need to be merged with this one) you were quite gleeful about sneaking around (TO HIS SISTER'S HOME) to flirt with the infamous and studly Dave. You also refused to take the very good advice you received to not go over there to mess around that weekend when the sister was gone - when you'd said you were going to dump your ex.

One reason that your relationship will not be "the same" or even decent is that you are not taking any real responsibility for this, but making it a shared problem with your ex. And you're counting on your poor opinion of him - that he's weak and maybe even desperate - to "save" you from having to be alone for a while.

I do agree that he seems weak. I wish he were in counseling for himself. He needs to have a bit of a "time out" to think and talk about what a long life with a person who deals with a lack of attention in this way would be like. No more ice fishing, ever. That's for sure.

January 16, 2023

1 hour ago, Avayarna said:

it's clear to both of us that we do have some problems we need to work on, and that they are at least a part of the reason why I cheated.

No they’re not. Again, I urge you to go back and read your previous thread. It’s basically a play-by-play of your thoughts and actions.

1 hour ago, Avayarna said:

What's important is I cheated, and was wrong.

Really, the cheating is kind of secondary here and you’re trying to make it the most important part of this whole thing which is isn’t. You dumped your boyfriend for Dave. The cheating was just the cherry on top. Deciding you wanted Dave instead of your boyfriend is the problem and where you prove to be the most untrustworthy. What happens when the next guy you’re attracted to comes along?

1 hour ago, Avayarna said:

, he knows I'm not as physically attracted to him as I am with Dave but he says we can get that back.

This is very unlikely to happen. Your boyfriend can’t control your mind and the more he tries to be attractive to you, the worse it will get. He has to be himself to be happy, and you don’t find that particularly attractive.

January 16, 2023

11 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I do agree that he seems weak. I wish he were in counseling for himself. He needs to have a bit of a "time out" to think and talk about what a long life with a person who deals with a lack of attention in this way would be like.

I agree and I'll bet his family is thinking the same thing. One does feel weak because it's hard getting over your first love but you slowly find yourself losing more and more respect for that person which pushes you forward to break up.

January 17, 2023

@Avayarnamay I ask why you're clinging so tightly to this failed relationship?

Which is so fraught with problems from every direction, my head is hurting.

1. You claim you cheated due to problems in the relationship.

2. You admit you are not all that attracted to your boyfriend

3. You are still attracted to Dave.

4. You are only 24 years old and have your entire life ahead of you, to date and eventually meet a man who ticks ALL or the majority of your boxes.

Couples counseling is for married or other couples who have already made a lifetime commitment.

This all just seems so desperate, like you are 50 years old and running out of options and time.

There are other men out there better suited for you than either Dave or your boyfriend, you must know that.

So.why? What is the point?

Why not be on your own for awhile, find yourself, get to know yourself, do some traveling, meet new people, experience life!

This is such a great opportunity!

Instead you'd rather cling to a dead in the water failing relationship with a man you're no longer even attracted to, admittedly, who doesn't give you enough attention and who you cheated on.

I truly do not get it. SMH

Edited January 17, 2023 by poppyfields

January 17, 2023

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Really, the cheating is kind of secondary here and you’re trying to make it the most important part of this whole thing which is isn’t. You dumped your boyfriend for Dave. The cheating was just the cherry on top. Deciding you wanted Dave instead of your boyfriend is the problem and where you prove to be the most untrustworthy. What happens when the next guy you’re attracted to comes along?

Well, everything would be different now. I know I would not cheat again. When you touch the stove, you don't touch it again. And if you want to touch it, you use a friggin hot mitt, so if I found myself in this situation again of wanting to stray, I would handle it completely different. I would be honest with him and tell him, now knowing that he can handle anything.

I did dump my bf for Dave. But looking back I now realize I was deluded and not thinking clearly. Honestly when I think back to what I was doing, it was like it was someone else doing it. I wasn't being true to my self. Dave is the complete opposite of what I would want in a guy. I think that's what always happens when you cheat. You think you want something else so you get something totally different. But then you realize what you really want. Sometimes that's what it takes for you to realize who you really want to be with.

You never think something like this will happen to you, and when it does it really changes your perspective on things.

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

I agree and I'll bet his family is thinking the same thing. One does feel weak because it's hard getting over your first love but you slowly find yourself losing more and more respect for that person which pushes you forward to break up.

My bf is not weak. He is a real man and real men don't care what other people think. That's what women do. Real men don't give up, at least not if that's what their gut is telling them to do. They go for it. They don't just let someone else take what's theirs. I think my bf is acting manly and with courage and I commend him for it.

And even if it doesn't work out, because of trust or whatever, at least we can say we tried. I'd rather try to work things out than just give up on what has mostly been a great relationship. I can appreciate people saying we should end it. But I think it depends on what you had. If there wasn't much there in the first place, I could understand giving up. But we have a strong history together and love each other very much, so we think it is worth trying to work things out.

The one problem that i see now since this has happened is sometimes my bf gets defensive at certain points. Like the other day when I was leaving for the gym, my friend and I were talking about our personal trainer, and she said he was probably gonna hit on me (because I was wearing some bootie shorts and this guy has a reputation, he's slept with all his clients except me and one other one). Well after I said no (he never hits on me) I said "do you think I'm cute enough" (implying as a joke, of course I'm cute enough, I know it, I don't know why this guy doesn't hit on me) but rather than a compliment of some sort I got from him "why do you care if you're cute enough for a man whore to hit on you, you should just care what I think". This wasn't what I was expecting but really, I deserve it.

Bottom line, anytime I look at another guy now, he's going to wonder. And that hurts.

I just hope that sometime, maybe months from now, that he will be able to trust me again, at least to the point of not wondering my intentions all the time. Fortunately we're starting couples counseling next week and I think that's really going to help.

January 17, 2023

So I take it Dave didn't want to be with you.

That must sting for you.

January 17, 2023

50 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

You never think something like this will happen to you, and when it does it really changes your perspective on things.

Nothing happened to you. You are the person that caused harm onto other people. You are responsible for your actions. Nobody else.

50 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

I did dump my bf for Dave. But looking back I now realize I was deluded and not thinking clearly.

Right, and again what happens next time you find yourself attracted to someone more than you’re attracted to your boyfriend? What is to prevent your delusions and lack of clarity then? If it was “like another person” it means you’re not taking responsibility for your own actions, which means it can very likely happen again.

Edited January 17, 2023 by Weezy1973

January 17, 2023

23 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

So I take it Dave didn't want to be with you.

That must sting for you.

mm mm. Actually, I think he's obsessed with me. It's only been 3 days since I told him I was getting back with my bf and he's already texted me literally HUNDREDS of times. He even told me last night that he thinks he's falling in love with me.

So.... no.

But what does sting for me is realizing I almost screwed up the best thing I ever had. And that because of me things might not ever be the same again.

January 17, 2023

31 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

He even told me last night that he thinks he's falling in love with me.

I recall you telling us he said same thing weeks ago when this whole thing started.

So basically he's been "falling in love" with you since he met you.

Why are you still talking to him, why haven't you blocked him?

IF you're serious about getting back with your boyfriend, that is the first thing you should have done!

Sounds like a bunch of BS anyway, but whatever.

This entire sitch sounds like a toxic mess.

All the best.

Edited January 17, 2023 by poppyfields

January 17, 2023

1 hour ago, Avayarna said:

Like the other day when I was leaving for the gym, my friend and I were talking about our personal trainer, and she said he was probably gonna hit on me (because I was wearing some bootie shorts and this guy has a reputation, he's slept with all his clients except me and one other one). Well after I said no (he never hits on me) I said "do you think I'm cute enough" (implying as a joke, of course I'm cute enough, I know it, I don't know why this guy doesn't hit on me) but rather than a compliment of some sort I got from him "why do you care if you're cute enough for a man whore to hit on you, you should just care what I think". This wasn't what I was expecting but really, I deserve it.

Who, what? Are you saying your friend, boyfriend or guy at gym said the above. If it was the guy at the gym, there you go again being inappropriate.

Anyway, again what about the college tuition?

January 17, 2023

28 minutes ago, Avayarna said:

mm mm. Actually, I think he's obsessed with me. It's only been 3 days since I told him I was getting back with my bf and he's already texted me literally HUNDREDS of times. He even told me last night that he thinks he's falling in love with me.

So.... no.

But what does sting for me is realizing I almost screwed up the best thing I ever had. And that because of me things might not ever be the same again.

So you're back with your bf and still talking to Dave? Why are you treating your bf this way? Don't you have a conscience?

January 17, 2023

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

So I take it Dave didn't want to be with you.

That must sting for you.

That's pretty obvious.

January 17, 2023

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

This all just seems so desperate, like you are 50 years old and running out of options and time.

The bf's family is paying for her schooling and she lives with the bf rent-free. Why would she want the gravy train to end?

January 17, 2023

OP are you a previous poster named @janey? And @jkeefer928before that?

The more you write, your posts sound nearly identical to hers.

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Why do I feel this way when I already have the perfect BF?

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