max3732 Posted December 8, 2022 Posted December 8, 2022 On this dating app this woman put as an answer to a prompt "I'm a real nerd about" that she's a scientist. In her job description it said "meteorologist " and she's has a picture with a weather map that's she's pointing at. So I replied and asked about how she enjoys being a meteorologist. She matches with me and says she has an advanced degree and is also working on research so she's a research scientist too. Then "That will teach you to make assumptions. Good luck on your search" I replied back "What assumptions? You have you're a meteorologist on your profile and it looks like an interesting job. Do you enjoy that or being a research scientist more?" and she unmatched me.
poppyfields Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, max3732 said: I replied back "What assumptions? You have you're a meteorologist on your profile and it looks like an interesting job. Do you enjoy that or being a research scientist more?" and she unmatched me.. Replying back with what's in bold was fine (forget the rest), although ideally when a woman throws a snark at you like that, ignore it and delete her. What I am not getting is why did you continue to engage her by asking if she enjoys being a research scientist more after she just totally dissed you??!!!! Her response was rude and out of line, exercise some dignity @max just delete her! Edited December 9, 2022 by poppyfields 2
basil67 Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 When she responded talking about your assumptions and wishing you "good luck on your search", you should have just rolled your eyes and blocked her. There is no good reason to bother further with someone who's so rude and reactive 4
Alvi Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 Who knows what her dating experience is like? Maybe guys make lots of incorrect assumptions about this or that. She sounds very jaded and perhaps needs to take a break from dating. Even most patient and sanest person could become a lunatic after being on a dating site for a while, lol. But maybe she is just a rude person all by herself. Anyway, you should have unmatched and/or her after she wished you well. Do not contact her ever again.
Author max3732 Posted December 9, 2022 Author Posted December 9, 2022 59 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Replying back with what's in bold was fine (forget the rest), although ideally when a woman throws a snark at you like that, ignore it and delete her. What I am not getting is why did you continue to engage her by asking if she enjoys being a research scientist more after she just totally dissed you??!!!! Her response was rude and out of line, exercise some dignity @max just delete her! I don't know. At first I was excited to see she matched and sent a couple messages. Then I was just confused and thought maybe if I explained it she'd settle down. I'm just reluctant to give up on someone because of 1 stupid comment.
ccas93 Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 she clearly feels small and unimportant in this world. She's the one who needs luck in her search! I can't stand dating app interactions like that. 1
poppyfields Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, max3732 said: I'm just reluctant to give up on someone because of 1 stupid comment. This may be why you are having such difficulty connecting with women and sustaining any sort of dating relationship. @max3732this wasn't a stupid comment, she rejected you and quite rudely! By continuing to engage her after that, not only does it reflect lack of self-respect, but it's annoying as heck for the recipient which is why people tend to ghost and say nothing. Her comment was extremely rude however at least she had the decency to respond and wish you well on your search (Translation: Don't contact me again). You are coming off too "nice" and too "thirsty" max, I'm sorry but next time, exercise some dignity and self-respect, you're better than this max. Edited December 9, 2022 by poppyfields
Trail Blazer Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 No, man, of course it wasn't insulting. She's just rude, but had some kind of compulsion to convey as much. Why indulge her after that response? If women make it clear that they're not interested, you should believe them. 1
Alpacalia Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 I would have replied to her "you must be under the weather, have a nice day." 6
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 6 hours ago, max3732 said: I'm just reluctant to give up on someone because of 1 stupid comment. There's nothing to "give up on." You don't know this woman at all. Have better boundaries and don't engage with rude people just because they initially matched with you.
bene Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 Your question was completely neutral and her answer was uncalled for. I’d steer clear of people who are snarky and ironic for no apparent reason. I wouldn’t want to walk on eggshells all the time. It’s probably some sort of defense mechanism but you’re not their therapist. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 She's a jerk and a loser, big-time loser. You'd be in for a world of trouble if you spent time with her. Block, move on. And bend over and kiss the ground you walk on that she showed her real side so early on that you didn't waste any time, hope or energy on her. 2
mark clemson Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) Yah, from what I hear a lot of people who have dysfunctional personality issues/aren't very good as partners are on OLD, so they get attention from people but then "push back" because in truth they're not really psychologically a good fit for a relationship. She will be complaining about how there's no good men around too, believe me. Because - you know - you're the problem, not her. Edited December 9, 2022 by mark clemson 2
Author max3732 Posted December 9, 2022 Author Posted December 9, 2022 4 hours ago, mark clemson said: Yah, from what I hear a lot of people who have dysfunctional personality issues/aren't very good as partners are on OLD, so they get attention from people but then "push back" because in truth they're not really psychologically a good fit for a relationship. She will be complaining about how there's no good men around too, believe me. Because - you know - you're the problem, not her. Part of me was thinking maybe a meteorologist was like on the low end of the totem poll when it comes to those kinds of jobs or something. It just kind of threw me for a loop when she said "that will teach you..." like I had done something wrong and needed to learn a lesson from my comment. This whole OLD process can be rather disheartening. 1 1
poppyfields Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 19 minutes ago, max3732 said: Part of me was thinking maybe a meteorologist was like on the low end of the totem poll when it comes to those kinds of jobs or something. It just kind of threw me for a loop when she said "that will teach you..." like I had done something wrong and needed to learn a lesson from my comment. max, you interpreted it correctly, that is exactly what she meant, which was a condescending and demeaning thing to say. Which is why some of us were baffled as to why you continued to engage her. Again, when you encounter people like this, no need to even respond, simply block/delete them. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 Building on @poppyfields, dude let's say she had a point in this case and you were wildly wrong in your thinking (which wasn't the case). A person worth dating would only politely "correct" you. Or might even wait til a first meetup to explain things. Such a person would elaborate in a way that didn't feel insulting. Anytime something feels insulting online, assume it's the other person. Dump and move on. 2
mark clemson Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 1 hour ago, max3732 said: This whole OLD process can be rather disheartening. If you live in a relatively high-population area, you could try going to MeetUps - not just the "singles" ones, but generally. I used to go to them occasionally, and (not always, but frequently) there seemed to be a certain % of people there who were participating, but ALSO looking for potential romantic partners. So you might consider spiffing up and trying out a few of those and seeing if you meet someone nice in RL that way. There will be some dysfunctional people there too, of course, but in a well-populated area I suspect your odds of finding someone nice who is similarly frustrated by OLD might be decent.
Alpacalia Posted December 10, 2022 Posted December 10, 2022 (edited) I would not give it (or her) anymore of your headspace. She certainly isn't, so why should you? Edited December 10, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Author max3732 Posted December 10, 2022 Author Posted December 10, 2022 5 hours ago, mark clemson said: If you live in a relatively high-population area, you could try going to MeetUps - not just the "singles" ones, but generally. I used to go to them occasionally, and (not always, but frequently) there seemed to be a certain % of people there who were participating, but ALSO looking for potential romantic partners. So you might consider spiffing up and trying out a few of those and seeing if you meet someone nice in RL that way. There will be some dysfunctional people there too, of course, but in a well-populated area I suspect your odds of finding someone nice who is similarly frustrated by OLD might be decent. I'd much rather meet someone IRL. It's so much easier to form rapport and get to know someone over time or activities rather than these messages and profiles. I've had some great conversations with people, but everyone I meet around my age is already married. I met 2 cute women and as I was talking to them their husbands came up and introduced themselves. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 10, 2022 Posted December 10, 2022 (edited) On 12/8/2022 at 8:06 PM, max3732 said: I was excited to see she matched and sent a couple messages. Then I was just confused and thought maybe if I explained it she'd settle down Unfortunately it didn't go from matching to blocking over a simple occupation question. It was whatever banter was in these other messages that prompted blocking. Perhaps you're trying to be too cheeky? It's important not to stall out this much in attempting to "build rapport" through banter. Sadly this is a theme. Too much pre-meeting chitchat and banter. You insulted her though some sort of innuendo or insinuating that she's on the "bottom of the totem pole" professionally. So she blocked you. Hopefully you are not following PUA myths about "negging", which devaluing her job, unfortunately seemed like, at least to her. Overall try to refrain from cheeky, sassy or condescending communication. Try to stick with general and safe topics without personal opinions or questions that indicate judgemental, sexist or offensive sentiments. Keep pre-meeting banter to a minimum and try not to offend women. Edited December 10, 2022 by Wiseman2 1
Alpacalia Posted December 10, 2022 Posted December 10, 2022 15 hours ago, max3732 said: Part of me was thinking maybe a meteorologist was like on the low end of the totem poll when it comes to those kinds of jobs or something. Wiseman2 makes an insightful point. Did you interact back and forth before making the comment? Was your comment meant to denigrate her or were you genuinely curious about her professional field? It would certainly put her on the defensive if that were the case. This is certainly understandable if there is even the slightest bit of truth in it being a dig at her. 1
Ami1uwant Posted December 11, 2022 Posted December 11, 2022 (edited) She probsbly looks st being a meteorologist…..ie a weather girl as being sexist vs her being a researcher is weather and atmospheric sciences. in communicating in text or online…the words you choose usually can be read two very different ways. If your phrasing was similar to a bad experience with a prior match dhe makes assumptions. Edited December 11, 2022 by Ami1uwant
Author max3732 Posted December 11, 2022 Author Posted December 11, 2022 17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately it didn't go from matching to blocking over a simple occupation question. It was whatever banter was in these other messages that prompted blocking. Perhaps you're trying to be too cheeky? It's important not to stall out this much in attempting to "build rapport" through banter. Sadly this is a theme. Too much pre-meeting chitchat and banter. You insulted her though some sort of innuendo or insinuating that she's on the "bottom of the totem pole" professionally. So she blocked you. Hopefully you are not following PUA myths about "negging", which devaluing her job, unfortunately seemed like, at least to her. Overall try to refrain from cheeky, sassy or condescending communication. Try to stick with general and safe topics without personal opinions or questions that indicate judgemental, sexist or offensive sentiments. Keep pre-meeting banter to a minimum and try not to offend women. What I posted here was the entire exchange. She had meteorologist listed as her profession in her profile and has a picture in front of a weather map. So to the prompt about being a nerd she put "I'm a scientist" and I responded asking about being a meteorologist. That's it. No back and forth or anything else. 16 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Wiseman2 makes an insightful point. Did you interact back and forth before making the comment? Was your comment meant to denigrate her or were you genuinely curious about her professional field? It would certainly put her on the defensive if that were the case. This is certainly understandable if there is even the slightest bit of truth in it being a dig at her. What I posted was the entire exchange. I don't know anything about meteorology or any other atmospheric sciences so I'm generally curious. I was hoping she'd have an interesting story about it. It kind of bugged me that she went through the effort of matching just to tell me I need to learn some kind of lesson. As others have said that's on her. 2
Alpacalia Posted December 11, 2022 Posted December 11, 2022 8 minutes ago, max3732 said: What I posted was the entire exchange. I don't know anything about meteorology or any other atmospheric sciences so I'm generally curious. I was hoping she'd have an interesting story about it. It kind of bugged me that she went through the effort of matching just to tell me I need to learn some kind of lesson. As others have said that's on her. Okay. No need to dwell on it then! It was unintentional and all you can do is move forward.
Recommended Posts