Author Tinytears1 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Posted December 7, 2022 17 minutes ago, mark clemson said: I agree. This still feels subtly (or perhaps not so subtly) manipulative to me. Like he is showing you what you want to see first, and then once you are invested you are shown a different picture. Just a theory, dunno. I'm male so it's hard to say, but I think that if it was me, with a partner like this, I'd be "wary". Some people are good at making themselves come across as everything you'd want at first. I suspect that is what he is done in all honesty. But I never once brought up the fact I wanted children until he kept asking me. I had a similar expierence with a guy a couple of years ago so I have my guard up. 1
Els Posted December 7, 2022 Posted December 7, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, Tinytears1 said: He said he would expect me to have abortion in the context of us not being married - as ‘his mother would disown him’. Okay, major yikes here. The only reason he would want you to get an abortion is because his "mother would disown him"?? At 48??? I support him having the abortion conversation with you (albeit ideally with better phrasing and timing), but this is just a big waving red flag IMO. Add that to the fact that he didn't initiate condom use on his own, and I've got serious reservations about this guy. I think I can make a good guess as to the reason why he was never married at 48, despite apparently wanting a family... and it's not good. Edited December 7, 2022 by Elswyth 1
Author Tinytears1 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Posted December 7, 2022 13 minutes ago, Elswyth said: Okay, major yikes here. The only reason he would want you to get an abortion is because his "mother would disown him"?? At 48??? I support him having the abortion conversation with you (albeit ideally with better phrasing and timing), but this is just a big waving red flag IMO. Add that to the fact that he didn't initiate condom use on his own, and I've got serious reservations about this guy. I think I can make a good guess as to the reason why he was never married at 48, despite apparently wanting a family... and it's not good. Why do you think he was never married at 48? I have my own ideas now too.
Els Posted December 7, 2022 Posted December 7, 2022 13 minutes ago, Tinytears1 said: Why do you think he was never married at 48? I have my own ideas now too. Because he's a momma's boy and extremely socially awkward, most likely. I can't imagine someone letting their parents make life-altering decisions for them at 28, much less 48. 3
Weezy1973 Posted December 7, 2022 Posted December 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Tinytears1 said: He said after this he was sorry and he does see me as his girlfriend and also ‘long term’ maybe he just has had a panic? How he feels about you wasn’t my question (interesting that you avoided it though). Is he “the one” for you? Or do you see him as your last chance for a family?
poppyfields Posted December 7, 2022 Posted December 7, 2022 (edited) Fwiw, I read his comment about his mother disowning him as tongue-n-cheek, playful banter, albeit in very poor taste. Only because, IF true, I cannot imagine a grown man ever admitting that to a woman he's dating or anyone! Not that it matters, this is done. No sense wasting any more time or energy analyzing him or the situation. Simply move on and find something better is all you can do.. Edited December 7, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Alpacalia Posted December 7, 2022 Posted December 7, 2022 8 hours ago, Tinytears1 said: He said he would expect me to have abortion in the context of us not being married - as ‘his mother would disown him’. Not that he would always want me to have an abortion but in the context outwith marriage. He said ‘expected’. A bit of an odd statement. That aside. When the level of analysis reaches a certain level and hurt feelings intensify, it's best to part ways. He has made it clear that he has no intention of having children anytime soon. If he also isn’t willing to suit up or pull out, maybe it’s time to find someone who is willing to accept the fact he’s part of this equation.
stillafool Posted December 7, 2022 Posted December 7, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, Tinytears1 said: Have already frozen my eggs at 33 Oh so you don't have much to worry about. You should next him if you feel insulted and wait for the right guy to come along. You have money and your eggs. I bet a lot of single women who want children wish they were in your position. Edited December 7, 2022 by stillafool 1
Alvi Posted December 8, 2022 Posted December 8, 2022 Do you think this guy is worthy of your eggs? I know, it sounds silly but yeah. There are probably better options out there if you want to start a family. Unless, you are OK with being a single mother. Choose wisely. You don't want to waste whatever is left of your fertile years on wrong type of guy.
basil67 Posted December 8, 2022 Posted December 8, 2022 I wrote my response earlier thinking that he was trying to discuss whether or not you're of the same mind on the topic. But on finding out that he literally said "I would expect you to have an abortion", I've changed my view. If he was adamant that he does not want children, there should have been a thoughtfully worded discussion about your views on the topic before any sex was had. But not bluntly dumping this expectation on you.
Alvi Posted December 8, 2022 Posted December 8, 2022 Do you know if he ever had a long term relationship(s) with anybody before meeting you? I think if he ever wanted to be married, he would've been married by now. If he ever wanted to have kids, he would've had kids way before the ripe old age of 48. I think that he is either happy the way he is or he is unable to connect to any woman to make things happen.
stillafool Posted December 8, 2022 Posted December 8, 2022 18 hours ago, Tinytears1 said: He said he would expect me to have abortion in the context of us not being married - as ‘his mother would disown him’. Not that he would always want me to have an abortion but in the context outwith marriage. He said ‘expected’. 11 hours ago, Tinytears1 said: He said after this he was sorry and he does see me as his girlfriend and also ‘long term’ maybe he just has had a panic? When he said he sees you as his girlfriend did you agree that you were and tell him you see him as your boyfriend? It would seem that after he said you were his girlfriend and then the comment about an abortion, you would have told him what your expectations were before you had sex. Why didn't you?
Author Tinytears1 Posted December 8, 2022 Author Posted December 8, 2022 7 hours ago, stillafool said: When he said he sees you as his girlfriend did you agree that you were and tell him you see him as your boyfriend? It would seem that after he said you were his girlfriend and then the comment about an abortion, you would have told him what your expectations were before you had sex. Why didn't you? Before he said he wanted to have a family and wanted to have children - he asked me several times. He seemed keen to be married and have children but ‘had not met the right person’. He was the one who seemed baby crazy in the beginning. He asked me on the first date. Which is why the abortion comment was so weird. i am seeing him tonight so will ask a bit more
Author Tinytears1 Posted December 8, 2022 Author Posted December 8, 2022 7 hours ago, stillafool said: When he said he sees you as his girlfriend did you agree that you were and tell him you see him as your boyfriend? It would seem that after he said you were his girlfriend and then the comment about an abortion, you would have told him what your expectations were before you had sex. Why didn't you? He asked about girlfriend later on in the evening after abortion comment
stillafool Posted December 8, 2022 Posted December 8, 2022 5 hours ago, Tinytears1 said: He asked about girlfriend later on in the evening after abortion comment Did you agree that you were and that he is your boyfriend? You talk a lot about what he said and wanted but I'm interested in your feelings about him. Are you in love with this man and want his children?
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