Sad as we get older?

[Tammy141]

I’m in my early 30s and a lot of my friends (not all) are in long-term relationships, getting married, or having kids. I don’t want any of these things for awhile, but it makes me sad, just because it’s a sign that I’m getting older. I saw on social media two girls who I used to be close with in high school. We’ve drifted and now they are both pregnant. Seeing that recently caused these thoughts/feelings to come up. I’m happy for them, of course, it’s just sad and a little weird. Since we would play tennis and go to the gym and get dinner, and it doesn’t feel all that long ago. 
 

Anyway, I’m happy for everyone and am not jealous. I just feel sad that it’s a reminder that I and everyone else is getting older. I think it’s also due to the age I’m at. I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts, especially if you’ve had similar experiences. 

[basil67]

Getting older is better than the alternative   And you've still got so many new experiences yet to be had, places to go, people to meet.    

It's worth considering that memories of the past aren't that accurate anyway - it's so easy to reminisce about the good old days but forget about the not so good.  It's why all the Boomers and Gen Xers put all those "things were better when we were young" things on FB.  I swear they've forgotten the bad stuff

[FMW]

I'm a very reflective person, so I think I get what you are talking about.  I think I was that way growing up, but it became more clear at the age you are at.  

I'm 57, and I've come to accept it as a normal part, at least for me, of aging.  I'm always going to feel a little bit of sadness in nostalgia, remembering what used to be.  But what I've learned from that is to appreciate the here and now, because some day I will be looking back at my life right now with the same nostalgia.  Each stage in life has joy unique to that period in time.  New joys continue to appear in my life.  Life is an ever changing process of losses and gains.  If you let them, they all add up to a very rich and valuable experience.

We all proceed on different timetables and with different life experiences.  Yours is necessarily going to be different from your friends', not better or worse. 

For what it's worth, I wouldn't go back in time even if I was given the chance.  I have wonderful memories of the past and I do feel occasional pangs of loss. But all of that brought me where I am today - and I love my life in the here and now.  
 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Tammy141 said:

I’m in my early 30s and a lot of my friends (not all) are in long-term relationships, getting married, or having kids. I don’t want any of these things for awhile, but it makes me sad, just because it’s a sign that I’m getting older. I saw on social media two girls who I used to be close with in high school. We’ve drifted and now they are both pregnant. Seeing that recently caused these thoughts/feelings to come up. I’m happy for them, of course, it’s just sad and a little weird. Since we would play tennis and go to the gym and get dinner, and it doesn’t feel all that long ago. 
 

Anyway, I’m happy for everyone and am not jealous. I just feel sad that it’s a reminder that I and everyone else is getting older. I think it’s also due to the age I’m at. I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts, especially if you’ve had similar experiences. 

It's ok to stay social media friends, stay in touch, etc. but people's lives do branch out in different directions.

What you could do is mentally place these people in your acquaintance pile and consider reestablishing new friendships.

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses.

You don't have to be in a life phase lockstep to be friends. If these older friends are busy with their new endeavors you can be busy with things you like and people you meet doing them.

Try not to stay stuck in the past. It's like those highschool reunions where it's fun to catch up with everyone, but you really live in different worlds now.

[glows]

I got much happier as I got older. I think it had to do with recognizing my own limits in regards to the past, figuring out what didn’t work and desire for change and new exploration. That led me down some interesting and rewarding paths.

It’s natural to miss people sometimes but also note you may not be the same person either. The person I once was hanging out with the people I used to know worked at the time but it doesn’t always work anymore now. I had to learn to let go of friendships and move on. 

It doesn’t sound like you have much in common with these ladies now. Why not take up tennis or a sport again? Someone I know moved on and started becoming a trainer. He loved tennis so much and now runs classes. He grew too and didn’t let things slow him down.

[Alpacalia]

Silly lady. You're in your early thirties. I was partying it up like a rockstar at that age.

Enjoy it!

[mark clemson]

There's actually been substantive research done on this topic. Here's an example article:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/head-quarters/2015/jun/24/life-happiness-curve-u-shaped-ageing

[glows]

Interesting article. I’d say happiness or contentment has been a steady straight line upwards. I wasn’t fortunate or can’t say I’m fortunate to have a U shape as my youth was very challenging.

I’m glad health was brought up in there as it does play a huge role. The most important things to me that comprise happiness are family, friends, health and financial independence. I wouldn’t be as content without the above. Although work and career has been a large driving force and means to an end I could live without it. There’s a lot to live for and I’m pretty excited most days.

[mortensorchid]

Show me one person who is truly happy.  I have struggled with this as well in life, it seems it was/is so easy for others but not for me.  Then again, I have also seen all the losers I have hitched my wagon to who were taken to the cleaners by the next one they hooked up with after me.  Life is complicated, it's very complicated.  Even when people get the things that they want they get angry or regret things.  

You must live by this motto : Keep moving forward and don't be afraid.  We've all made mistakes, no question about that.  But we can't wallow, suffer and moan about them.  Be a happy person in general, acknowledge your mistakes and say what's done is done and you have to keep moving forward and looking for good things in your future.

We live also in a very agist world - we throw out anything and everything that's old.  I am going to be 48 in a few, and I am not too old to dream a new dream or set a new goal.  The minute you start thinking that it's all been said and done and you get depressed about it, then it's over with.  And be happy and accepting.  Just a recently I started wearing reader glasses when I read.  My mom still refuses to wear her glasses on a chain around her neck because she doesn't want to look like an old person even though she walks with a walker and cane.  Then again, she is a negative person and I am a positive one.  That's just how it is.

[FMW]

I'm truly happy.  No, not with every thing that happens or has happened. Yes. I sometimes cry or feel depressed.  But I recognize the value of most experiences, whether seen as negative or positive.

I think it's about your definition of happy.  Mine is based on reason and the experience of 57 years.  I could choose to be an unhappy person, but I choose to continue to be curious about the world and enjoy new things.  I feel joy just being in nature sometimes, it's amazing.

Happy comes in moments, made all the sweeter by the sad.  Your definition seems to be one that requires no negative experiences.  No one will have that experience all the time.  So for you, it doesn't exist.

For me it exists.  I'm happy.