do you think I'll hear from him again?

[Nickilove]

So I ended up meeting the guy or whatever and I we like kicked it off at the very start. He ended tellin me he was a marine. Which I was fine with.

We seen each other every weekend after meeting him either he was back home in [ ]  or I went to [] this was like going on for a month. We made sure we was on the same page and stuff and that we weren’t wasting each other’s times and stuff.

We were good, talking, calling, face timing whatever. He said he is going to be deployed and I told him I’m cool with that and that if we’re both just [having sex] with each other he ain’t gotta worry about me talking to no one else. And that conversation was good

And then like the next day he texts me and says “I just got out of a meeting about deployment we need to talk later” and I said okay call me whenever. I waited like 8 hrs to hear from him and never heard nothing so I said “so?” And he said hold on he’s on the phone with family and I said okay sorry and he said you’re fine…

Then I wait Another 5 hours still didn’t hear from him and so I felt like I was starting to be ignored another day goes by nothing. I texted him like 4 times and called twice. Nothing. So then I’m like [ ] I’m gonna message his sister cause like I’m lowkey upset at this point and confused. Then like 10 min after hitting his sis up he ends up calling me He tells me he was “trying to clear his head” and that he was “busy” as the reason he never messaged me back or called but main reason he called me was cause I messaged his sister, he tells me he still needs to clear his head and that “this is it” he then blocks me on like everything all because I messaged her.

Mind you after we get off the phone he literally changes his tinder bio like automatically to swipe left if all you wanna do is meet someone on here and force something that probably isn’t even meant to be vs just vibing with each other y’all are too stuck in This Cinderella phase and fairytale s*** and don’t know how to be with a man so down with fwb until you prove me other wise.

I genuinely felt like he was open and honest ever since I met him so when he started to ignore me I was hella confused and when he called me I told him he could’ve just told me he needed time to his self or something rather then having me sitting up worried and s*** but guess he didn’t understand where I was coming from and probably was wanting to cut me off already who knows cause we literally went from 100 to 0. We were good, and he gave me impressions that we could be serious. Weve been together every weekend. Do you think I’ll hear from him again? Or it’s over.

Edited December 6, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language, paragraphs, and title

[glows]

In future don’t get clingy like this and start contacting someone’s friends or family. His lack of answer was answer enough. No response IS an answer. It means he doesn’t care enough to reply or is disinterested. 

Going by the kinds of things he posts online and cryptic, juvenile messages I think you also dodged a bullet. This doesn’t sound like a keeper at all.

 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Nickilove said:

  I told him I’m cool with that and that if we’re both just [having sex] with each other he ain’t gotta worry about me talking to no one else. 

It's seems like you were both in agreement that it was casual sex. Try not to get overinvested or overinvolved too soon. It's hard to try to turn this into a serious relationship, but it's possible.

Relax and take your time getting to know him, even though in this brief time there's been an inordinate amount of drama. Reflect if chasing mildly interested casual sex type of guys is worth your while.

[Nickilove]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's seems like you were both in agreement that it was casual sex. Try not to get overinvested or overinvolved too soon. It's hard to try to turn this into a serious relationship, but it's possible.

Relax and take your time getting to know him, even though in this brief time there's been an inordinate amount of drama. Reflect if chasing mildly interested casual sex type of guys is worth your while.

Okay thank you so much, at the beginning when I brought up “fwb” he acted like that’s not what he was looking for. He introduced me to his marine friends, told me next was to meet and have play dates with his daughter, and meet his sister. So now to cut off cold I’m just really confused, don’t really have the closure I want, but again he’s blocked me on like everything for “being too much” for hitting his sis up and “needing to clear his head”. So you think it’s a high chance I will not hear from him again? We talked about having temporary people in our lives and not wanting that I don’t understand how we can kick it off so well and be good for an entire month just to lead to this. 

Edited December 6, 2022 by Nickilove

[Nickilove]

Sentence correction 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Nickilove said:

he’s blocked me on like everything for “being too much” for hitting his sis up and “needing to clear his head”. 

He blocked you so its unlikely he wants to continue anything. Don't try to contact him or his people. Meeting people means nothing. You both agreed to casual sex, so that's not going to segue into a relationship. If you want dating/a relationship get to know each other first. Don't agree to things you don't really want.

Edited December 6, 2022 by Wiseman2

[mortensorchid]

Don't waste your time with this.  He's not interested for whatever reason so just move on.  

[Nickilove]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He blocked you so its unlikely he wants to continue anything. Don't try to contact him or his people. Meeting people means nothing. You both agreed to casual sex, so that's not going to segue into a relationship. If you want dating/a relationship get to know each other first. Don't agree to things you don't really want.

Thank you

[Nickilove]

Thank you 

[Nickilove]

2 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

Don't waste your time with this.  He's not interested for whatever reason so just move on.  

Thank you

[stillafool]

He's probably afraid to get further involved with you because you're too intense.  He wants to take it slow getting to know someone and you're going 90 miles an hour with the brakes on.  I would suggest for future dates to pull back, relax and let things progress naturally.  Do not ever contact their relatives or friends to find out where they are.  I'm a woman and that would turn me off very fast.

[Nickilove]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

He's probably afraid to get further involved with you because you're too intense.  He wants to take it slow getting to know someone and you're going 90 miles an hour with the brakes on.  I would suggest for future dates to pull back, relax and let things progress naturally.  Do not ever contact their relatives or friends to find out where they are.  I'm a woman and that would turn me off very fast.

Ok I understand, thank you!!

[Nickilove]

2 minutes ago, Nickilove said:

Ok I understand, thank you!!

I haven’t got my closure with him and probably won’t ever get it. But it’s very likely I probably won’t see or hear from him again bc of what I did?

[basil67]

Closure comes from within - it's about drawing a line under a situation and moving on.   In this case, your closure is that you were more emotionally involved than he was and it was probably going to end anyway.  

It's a shock right now, but give it a little while and you'll probably hardly think of him

[shellzbellz83]

If I had casually been seeing someone for 4 weeks and they contacted one of my family members, I would probably block that person too. I'm not sure how old you are, but you'll learn that more often than not, you have to create your own closure. You can do that by taking this as a lesson and not repeating this kind of behavior in the future.

[Ray_xx]

I was in a similar situation recently with an Italian I was seeing for a few months and he ghosted me in October and I have never heard a thing since but I wouldn't dream of chasing him and have just moved on and left it to an amazing experience. I am not going to lie, if a guy messaged my sister when I was ignoring him, I would run a mile. I don't think you will hear from him again. It was a bad move to do that, don't blame your self, learn from it and move on!

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Nickilove said:

But it’s very likely I probably won’t see or hear from him again bc of what I did?

Probably not, no. 

That was too much for a guy you hardly know, OP. In the future, let silence be your indication that the person doesn't wish to speak. Don't go tracking down family members who don't know you at all. 

[Nickilove]

10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Probably not, no. 

That was too much for a guy you hardly know, OP. In the future, let silence be your indication that the person doesn't wish to speak. Don't go tracking down family members who don't know you at all. 

Ok. Thank you for your advice! 

[Nickilove]

So me and the guy ended up communicating again and hung out and talked about things we still had a connection and chemistry like nothing happened. I am taking everyone’s advice. He said exactly what @stillafoolsaid. He said everything was so fast for him and that he liked me but by me messaging his sister it made him realize a lot of stuff. Not sure what that could mean I didn’t really ask. However, this morning he said when we’re together it’s feels good to him but he wants to take things slow. (Is that a good sign? When a man says take things slow what do they expect from the woman?) I want to make sure I don’t mess anything up again. Should I just follow his lead and let him be the one to message and reach out to me first and initiate conversations? I don’t wanna chase beg or force or seem like I’m being desperate. I just want to be cautious this time around with my feelings and also with how I communicate with him because of what happened before and now that he has reentered my life I want to make sure I don’t mess it up with my actions. 

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, Nickilove said:

Should I just follow his lead and let him be the one to message and reach out to me first and initiate conversations?

Yes, but when he does reach out be really excited to hear from him.  Guys like happy, cheerful girls.  It's makes them want to spend time with you because your attitude shows you like to have fun.  I always made sure I was really fun to date but when the date was over I just went about my business.  That makes them want to see you again because there's no pressure.  He has to catch up with you.

Edited December 29, 2022 by stillafool

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Nickilove said:

@stillafool He said everything was so fast for him and that he liked me but by me messaging his sister it made him realize a lot of stuff. 

Yes it's a good idea to slow down. Let him reach out so he doesn't feel suffocated.

Try not to get overinvolved or overinvested. While he still may want just casual, it's up to you to decide what is right for you.

[Nickilove]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes, but when he does reach out be really excited to hear from him.  Guys like happy, cheerful girls.  It's makes them want to spend time with you because your attitude shows you like to have fun.

Okay, thank you! 

[Nickilove]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes it's a good idea to slow down. Let him reach out so he doesn't feel suffocated.

Try not to get overinvolved or overinvested. While he still may want just casual, it's up to you to decide what is right for you.

Okay, thank you!

[smackie9]

When a guy says slow down, he just wants casual. Also there is the possibility he likes keeping his options open. Guard your heart and stop investing your feelings. 

[Nickilove]

17 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes, but when he does reach out be really excited to hear from him.  Guys like happy, cheerful girls.  It's makes them want to spend time with you because your attitude shows you like to have fun.  I always made sure I was really fun to date but when the date was over I just went about my business.  That makes them want to see you again because there's no pressure.  He has to catch up with you.

Okay that makes sense!! Thank you yeah we both mutually wanted to hang out we talked and had fun like we usually do.  I texted him when he left and said I had a good time and he agreed and said he wants to take it slow. So I’ve kinda fallen back compared to last time. I’ll respond if he messages me but I don’t want to be the first one to reach out or feel as if I’m pressuring him. Also, I walked into to us hanging out again knowing that there’s a chance it could just be casual but at the same time I have hope that we could eventually turn into something more. At the end of the day as long as we’re on good terms I’m happy with it 

Edited December 29, 2022 by Nickilove