Not sure if this is abuse?

[Alpacalia]

It's your unwillingness to communicate and listen to your girlfriends' feelings, which undermines your relationship.

Your words "If I was forced to choose, I would not choose her."

That's a slap in the face.

The pressing question is: Why are you still with a woman that physically abuses you?

It doesn't have to be a "choice."

I am all for maintaining long-term friendships. When your relationship with the ex is deeply meaningful to you and your girlfriend does not support you, parting ways would be the best course of action. It isn't healthy to be in a relationship where you feel like you must choose between both.

 

Edited December 2, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

On 11/30/2022 at 4:35 PM, Mikefromcalifornia said:

I have been separated from my wife for nearly 10 years.    I travel with her and my children on family vacations yearly .  I spend time on Christmas and other holidays with her and my children.  the mood to fight.  

I would love some advice         

If you can afford family vacations, why can't you afford a divorce?  Where would a partner be spending vacations and holidays? Interestingly when you speak about your wife, it's "we", when you speak about your GF it's "her".

End things with the GF you two aren't good for each other. She's violent and no that's not the cost of her doting on you.

Make sure you are not picking disposable women so that you can maintain your sexless marriage.

[glows]

Divorce your ex and have better boundaries. It doesn’t sound like your current partner trusts you. 

A person still legally married is a red flag and so are her anger issues and mood swings. She overreacts, is clearly unsettled and then comes back being sweet. You may be picking women with extraordinarily low self-worth and insecure regardless. The relationship was set up to fail. There’s little reason why you’re both together if you are this incompatible. 

 

 

[Els]

On 12/1/2022 at 7:35 AM, Mikefromcalifornia said:

Most people think its weird or its wrong,  but this works for us.

It really doesn't seem like it does.

Your gf is obviously abusive and you should leave. You are, truthfully, likely to be single for as long as this "arrangement" with your ex-wife continues - you're not exactly just talking about amicable co-parenting here, and most people would be hard-pressed to accept their partner spending Christmas and taking vacations with their separated-but-not-really-divorced-yet spouse. People who are genuinely separated and divorced typically take vacations with the kids separately.

But it's obviously better to be single than to be in an abusive relationship... so you need to leave.

Edited December 2, 2022 by Elswyth