Johnny2x4 Posted November 28, 2022 Posted November 28, 2022 So I met a girl who through one of the dating apps. I am in my mid 20s working in my career. She was in her early 20s still in college, however she was in her final year as a senior. I usually don't date girls in college, simply because they're in different phases of their life compared to me. However, I wanted to give it a try, because she told me she wanted to become a teacher and she will be at grad school for another two years. I liked that she had goals so to speak. We agreed to meet up in person at the mall, and go from there. We met up at the mall, and one thing that was kind of unsettling was she was a little too lovey dovey. Constantly touching me and what not. We were kissing each other in public already and I of course enjoyed it, but it was a little odd I thought about it cause I just met her in person. I took her out to dinner, to a restaurant by her university. She had told me some stuff like how she was into drugs like coke, mushrooms acid etc. at first I didn't think anything negative about it. She was in college, and she might be trying new things and what not. I smoke a little bit of weed myself as well as drink alcohol. After dinner, she invited me over to her place. When I agreed to go over her place, I knew what was going down but it is also when it began to take a turn and I felt a little uncomfortable. When we were sitting together on the couch, we started getting freaky and had a few conversations. Apparently, her roommate had moved out over some drama and now she is trying to sue her roommate. She had the whole place to herself. On top of that, her mom lives in the same apartment complex as her at the school. She had told me she does a lot of drugs, and she was actually not in school. She stated that she was taking a semester off and was not doing anything. She told me she doesn't know when she will graduate. once she was ready to have sex, I had realized I had forgotten my condom in my car. I walked to the car, and searched the area I knew the condom was in. It was in there, but I just wasn't sure if i wanted to have sex with her. There was something about her that made me feel uncomfortable. I felt as she might have been lonely and was just wanting sex from me the whole time. I thought she might really have a drug addiction problem and failing out of school. I want a relationship, not just a someone to have sex with as I feel I have grown past that. I am genuinely worried about her, and I did like her but there seemed to be something going on with her that was a big turnoff. I lied to her, which was a bad thing to do. I said I actually don't have a condom. we hung out some more on her couch, but I told her I had to leave as it was really late and I had an hour drive back. I really didn't expect to go over her apartment at all. It was moving a little on the fast side for me anyway. Like I said I am a little worried for her about the situation she is in. Unfortunately you can't change people and I feel it is not my place to point it out. However, I could be wrong and overanalyzing this. I did like her, but I was a little uncomfortable somewhat. She was in a sorority so its not like she had no friends and she had a passion for teaching. It pains me to see people who have a good life ahead of them to throw it all away, however my maybe my gut feeling is wrong and I would like to see her again but I could do without the drug addiction and whatnot. What do you all think? am I overthinking it and should contact her again or leave it alone?
stillafool Posted November 28, 2022 Posted November 28, 2022 Well her mom lives in her apartment complex so I'm sure she's keeping an eye out for her the best she can. It sounds like she's going through a stage in her life right now. My grandpa described it as "going over fool's mountain" describing young peoples journey into adulthood. Hopefully she will get back on track soon. In the meantime you did the right thing by not having sex with her.
Alpacalia Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 Kudos for her honesty. She doesn't sound anywhere near available for the type of relationship that you're interested in. Good on you for declining sex. You're a good man and it's wonderful that you're concerned for her wellbeing. Right now, she just wants to have fun and enjoy college.
glows Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 Leave it alone and steer clear. She lied to you on day one and is incompatible with you. Addicts are in one relationship only and that’s with the substance/s they’re using. You made the right decision not having sex with her. Don’t squander your money on favours for her either or bother remaining friends. You are not her social worker or school counsellor. Block and delete her contact. 1
ShyViolet Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 Your instincts are telling you something.... listen to them. This girl is a mess. On the first date she admitted that she lied about being in school, she does drugs, she is doing nothing with her life (at least this semester), is "suing" her former roommate, and she tried to have sex with you on the first date. This girl is just a parade of red flags. Have higher standards for yourself than this.
Alvi Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 To be blunt, she is not your responsibility. Unless, she specifically asked for your help, no, you should not help her. You are way overthinking this whole thing. At the end of a day, her life is her life and your life is your life. If you don't want to be a part of her life, then don't be. Send her a nice message, where you tell her that the two of you are not a good match, and move on. Next time, listen to your gut feelings and don't go to anybody's house during a first date. Good for you for not having sex with her but don't let things to get that far in a first place. 4 hours ago, Johnny2x4 said: She had told me some stuff like how she was into drugs like coke, mushrooms acid etc. at first I didn't think anything negative about it. Just curious, what are your dealbreakers? Heavy drug usage should definitely be on a very top of your list of do nots. You should've said goodbye to her as soon as she shared this with you.
Alvi Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 1 minute ago, ShyViolet said: This girl is just a parade of red flags. But I bet she is hot. Otherwise, the OP would be out of there in a flash. But he is willing to stick around to "help" her.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 Listen to your gut, OP. It's telling you that this girl is not someone to get involved with, and for good reason. Her life is messy at the moment, and she does not have her s**t together. She will drag you down with her. Be kind but firm that this isn't a match for you and will not be meeting up again.
Acacia98 Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 7 hours ago, Johnny2x4 said: It pains me to see people who have a good life ahead of them to throw it all away, however my maybe my gut feeling is wrong and I would like to see her again but I could do without the drug addiction and whatnot. What do you all think? am I overthinking it and should contact her again or leave it alone? If she was the last woman on earth and the future of the human race was dependent on your having sex with her, then perhaps it would be an urgent issue. But this situation honestly does not deserve the amount of thought you are putting into it. Simply walk away. Not being with her won't kill you. And if you absolutely must be with someone, keep looking. You sound like you have social skills. So you shouldn't have trouble meeting the many women out there who would be infinitely better matches for you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 11 hours ago, Johnny2x4 said: . She had told me some stuff like how she was into drugs like coke, mushrooms acid etc. She had told me she does a lot of drugs, and she was actually not in school. Delete and block her. She seems like trouble. Perhaps she is a dealer or scammer or escort. You're lucky you got home with your wallet and both your kidneys. Either way think with the head on your shoulders and run from this.
JTSW Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 She has way too many issues that only she can help herself with. She lured you in with her BS only for you to discover that she is a drug addict who has dropped out of school. She wanted a hook up on your first meeting. The girl is a mess. Steer clear OP.
smackie9 Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 Come on dude you know shes a hot mess. If you couldn't bring yourself to have sex with her, that's more than enough to know to start running for the hills. 1
Stret Posted November 29, 2022 Posted November 29, 2022 She might have been lovey dovey because she was on ecstasy. But yes, not your thing to look after her life, she is not for you.
ccas93 Posted November 30, 2022 Posted November 30, 2022 On 11/28/2022 at 3:15 PM, Johnny2x4 said: She had told me some stuff like how she was into drugs like coke, mushrooms acid etc. at first I didn't think anything negative about it. She was in college, and she might be trying new things and what not. I smoke a little bit of weed myself as well as drink alcohol. idk man. would have raised alarm bells here for me. if she's a freshman that's one thing, but a senior should be starting to get serious about the next step of her life, and get off the hard stuff. Mushrooms are not party drugs as they change the wiring of your brain (which can have medicinal value) but doesn't make for a very stable, goal pursuing college student. Cocaine and acid are just bad drugs to be doing esp habitually and she should be moving or moved entirely past this at 22, 23. On 11/28/2022 at 3:15 PM, Johnny2x4 said: She had told me she does a lot of drugs, and she was actually not in school. She stated that she was taking a semester off and was not doing anything. She told me she doesn't know when she will graduate. once she was ready to have sex, I had realized I had forgotten my condom in my car. I walked to the car, and searched the area I knew the condom was in. It was in there, but I just wasn't sure if i wanted to have sex with her. There was something about her that made me feel uncomfortable. I felt as she might have been lonely and was just wanting sex from me the whole time. I thought she might really have a drug addiction problem and failing out of school. that is so offputting. I wouldn't have had sex with her either after finding that out. Creepy. So she's taking a semester off for probably the reasons you suspected. She's just hanging out, doing drugs, going out to malls with strangers and jumping into bed with them, after lying to them about what's she doing with her life. Weird. On 11/28/2022 at 3:15 PM, Johnny2x4 said: Like I said I am a little worried for her about the situation she is in. Unfortunately you can't change people and I feel it is not my place to point it out. However, I could be wrong and overanalyzing this. I did like her, but I was a little uncomfortable somewhat. She was in a sorority so its not like she had no friends and she had a passion for teaching. It pains me to see people who have a good life ahead of them to throw it all away, however my maybe my gut feeling is wrong and I would like to see her again but I could do without the drug addiction and whatnot. What do you all think? am I overthinking it and should contact her again or leave it alone? I get feeling sorry and bad for her. I had a good friend who died of substance abuse so I think compassion is important for these people. As far as seeing her, if you really want to give it a second chance, maybe ask her what's really going on with her, probe her a bit more about what her goals really are and find out if that was all a lie and how phony she really is. Maybe you were misunderstanding your gut instincts were off. But if it were me, I'd already be looking elsewhere for a relationship. She'll find some guy that will give her what she wants and there's not much you can do for her, so I'd just leave her alone.
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