Ex still has photo of me on his socials.

[truelovewinsall23]

Thanks all! I ageee he got spooked and decided he didn’t want a relationship anymore.

and I think the nasty comments where made to maybe make me leave him. Which is definitely a childish way to handle it as it only hurt me and made me think I had done something wrong that might’ve caused him to say it all. 
 

I thought his housemate was being nice to me, he texted me a week after the break up to ask how I was doing. I explained I was devastated at how it ended and that I couldn’t understand where he was coming from and why he didn’t talk to me.

then today when he messaged me, and was like oh, Sean mentioned you still have some stuff here do you want me to get him to bring it up to you. 
 

I said no, and he came back and was like he can leave it on your balcony - I never told his roommate I lived in an apartment or that it was on the ground floor. So that’s when I copped he must’ve asked him to text me. I don’t get that either. 

But I said and i am proud of this - Tell him to bin it like he did our relationship. 
 

Afain he is posting relevant stuff to me on his social media. He posted a picture of a text from a fake covid close contact text I got the exact same one a few weeks ago and he told me it was a scam. 

it’s funny cause he asked his followers was it a scam. i haven’t removed him from instagram yet as he rarely ever posts except maybe for the last few days he’s being posting random things. It actually funny to me now. 
 

[truelovewinsall23]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Good for you for moving on.

Now you can free yourself to be with someone that you can be yourself around.

That's not what you have (had) right now.

Thank you. 
It’s funny, I took what he said those nasty comments and pumped all that hurt into bettering myself, yea I did take them to heart but I got my teeth whitened, new haircut, got back to the gym and forgot how amazing it feels after a workout. 
 

Im trying to better myself and he’s dating. It still hurts but trying to do the positives and workout and sweat out the hurt and anger is definitely helping 😆

[glows]

He sounds like a piece of work. Why would you allow someone like that to take up any room in your personal life/space? I think it’s time to bin him and his profiles. He doesn’t deserve to have access to your life or what you’re doing. 

Let go and enjoy your peace and freedom.

[truelovewinsall23]

35 minutes ago, glows said:

He sounds like a piece of work. Why would you allow someone like that to take up any room in your personal life/space? I think it’s time to bin him and his profiles. He doesn’t deserve to have access to your life or what you’re doing. 

Let go and enjoy your peace and freedom.

Maybe his true colours are coming out now. 

I also suspect he cheated, now that I have a hit more time to think. I heard through the grape vine someone asked him if he was been getting laid lots since the break up, and he said the last time he got laid was with his ex the Thursday before we broke up. Now the thing is…. I wasn’t with him Thursday, we were meant to hangout but he wanted to go climbing with his friend. I was invited but said I’d let him and his friend have guys night.  I was with him the Wednesday and Friday. 

So unless he meant another ex he definitely wasn’t referring to me. And I went back on our chats that night only to realise he stopped talking to me about 10:30pm, the next day he said he fell asleep and I didn’t think much of it then. 

I can’t understand why his roommate is getting involved either about me having stuff there. My ears are burning so I’m guessing they’re talking about me lol 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Thanks all! I ageee he got spooked and decided he didn’t want a relationship anymore

Solid people who are happy in their relationship don't get "spooked".  So either he was a bit of a mess or wasn't happy with you...or both.  Either way, he's done the right thing and ended it.  

That departure letter he wrote, that was just an elaborate version of "it's not you, it's me".  The other things he said were horrible, however I suspect there was something else going on when he said them.  They sound like the words of someone who's cornered and lashing out.

As for the rest of it, please stop thinking that his current actions are about you.  He's just doing his own thing for whatever reason. 

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I also suspect he cheated, now that I have a hit more time to think. I heard through the grape vine someone asked him if he was been getting laid lots since the break up, and he said the last time he got laid was with his ex the Thursday before we broke up. Now the thing is…. I wasn’t with him Thursday, we were meant to hangout but he wanted to go climbing with his friend. I was invited but said I’d let him and his friend have guys night.  I was with him the Wednesday and Friday. 

Or perhaps he didn't cheat....but just lied to get them to mind their own business.  You're over thinking all of this

[truelovewinsall23]

Just now, basil67 said:

Solid people who are happy in their relationship don't get "spooked".  So either he was a bit of a mess or wasn't happy with you...or both.  Either way, he's done the right thing and ended it.  

That departure letter he wrote, that was just an elaborate version of "it's not you, it's me".  The other things he said were horrible, however I suspect there was something else going on when he said them.  They sound like the words of someone who's cornered and lashing out.

As for the rest of it, please stop thinking that his current actions are about you.  He's just doing his own thing for whatever reason. 

I know what you mean, when I say spooked was he wasn’t happy and was probably thinking long and hard about it and I must’ve said something unbeknownst to me that tipped him over that edge. 
 

I agree maybe he did lash out but why I didn’t do anything. He was the one ending it and he was the one who got angry. 

[truelovewinsall23]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Or perhaps he didn't cheat....but just lied to get them to mind their own business.  You're over thinking all of this

I trust the person who told me, she’s a friend I made while dating this guy. Her husband is his best friend. 
She texted me to say she was sorry to hear and we gotta into a bit of a chat, and she said I don’t think he’s out sleeping with others as he told John he hasn’t been with anyone but you and missed cuddling you. 

[glows]

You could be driving yourself crazy in who you talk with and avoid gossip. The same person who is gossiping about him and when he last had sex is the same person who will likely be talking behind your back. It’s best not to trust those sources or give them any time of day.

He should never have resorted to criticizing your eyes or teeth or the way you look. It’s never ok to hurt someone that way or cause someone to be self-conscious. 

I strongly suggest you let go of this man and raise the bar in your dates. He didn’t feel you were a good match and let you go. Keep reminding yourself it’s over and tune out the noise from gossipers and social media. At some point I hope you realize that prolonged misery is in the way you’re refusing to block and delete.

 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I ageee he got spooked and decided he didn’t want a relationship anymore.

Absolutely people can get spooked - fear of commitment, avoidant, commitmentphobe, however one wishes to label it.

In today's dating environment and especially in recent years since the birth of all the various dating apps and websites, it's become quite common.

What I have witnessed are people thinking they want a relationship and even being happy in said relationship for awhile, but as it gets more serious, heading towards commitment, they begin overthinking and end up overthinking ("freaking out" as he referred to it) their way right out of the relationship!

They begin picking their partner apart, finding flaws, sometimes even making up flaws and some of them are pretty ridiculous imo.

Like with your ex, your eyes are different sizes?  LOL  

I knew this man who broke up with his long time girlfriend before marriage because she didn't know how to scuba dive.   Nevermind the fact they had been dating three years and it never bothered him not to mention she had expressed an interest in scuba diving and he said it was something he preferred to do alone.

But right before it headed to a full commitment, suddenly it bothered him and he dumped her because of it and felt fully justified in doing so.

I have heard other such stories as well.

They can also be quite cruel, and I was not surprised when reading about some of the cruel things he said.   IMO from all the reading I have done about this, it's a way to convince HIMSELF you are less than "perfect" giving him justification (in his warped mind) to dump you.

Anyway, nuff said about him!  He is a coward and it's YOU who dodged the bullet.

For some reason, I don't think this is quite over though, as in I think he will be back.  He may even show up on your doorstop crying, I have seen it happen with guys like him.

To say they are a mess is an understatement.  

I think the saying "it's not you, it's me," very much applies here.  Yes it's most definitely HIM!  He's got serious issues (clearly) and you should feel proud of yourself for handling it the way you did.  Telling him to bin your stuff like he did the relationship.

Perfect response!

Good riddance.  😂

 

Edited November 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[basil67]

27 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I trust the person who told me, she’s a friend I made while dating this guy. Her husband is his best friend. 
She texted me to say she was sorry to hear and we gotta into a bit of a chat, and she said I don’t think he’s out sleeping with others as he told John he hasn’t been with anyone but you and missed cuddling you. 

Unless she witnessed the supposed cheating, she has no way of knowing the truth of what happened.   Seriously, how does she know that he didn't lie about sleeping with you to avoid an inappropriate question from his mates? 

[basil67]

30 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I know what you mean, when I say spooked was he wasn’t happy and was probably thinking long and hard about it and I must’ve said something unbeknownst to me that tipped him over that edge. 
 

I agree maybe he did lash out but why I didn’t do anything. He was the one ending it and he was the one who got angry. 

Exactly.  Thinking long and hard and deciding that it wasn't a right fit isn't "spooked".  That's just a normal end to a relationship

I'm sure you said or did something to make him say that.  (Not that I'm condoning what he said)  You didn't ask for an explanation or have trouble understanding why? 

[poppyfields]

44 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I agree maybe he did lash out but why I didn’t do anything. He was the one ending it and he was the one who got angry. 

It's fear OP, that's all it is.  And cowardice.  Him becoming angry at YOU is very common.  I can refer some great books to you if you're interested in understanding the behavior and conflict but for now it's best you take steps to extricate him from your consciousness and move on.

This is very complex fear and hell to kick.  NOT your problem.   

He needs therapy and my guess is HE knows that too.  He admitted as much in his "break up" email.

Well balanced people don't "freak out" as relationships grow closer and more intimate so that right there indicates there is some conflict going on within him other than he simply lost interest or didn't think you were right for each other.

 

 

Edited November 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[truelovewinsall23]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Exactly.  Thinking long and hard and deciding that it wasn't a right fit isn't "spooked".  That's just a normal end to a relationship

I'm sure you said or did something to make him say that.  (Not that I'm condoning what he said)  You didn't ask for an explanation or have trouble understanding why? 

I did ask why and all I got was we’re incompatible and that we have nothing in common which I know isn’t true as we dated For a year you don’t stay with someone that long if that’s the case. 
 

I am aware it’s over but I never got a proper answer. 

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I am aware it’s over but I never got a proper answer. 

And you never will.  He may not even know the answer himself.  Only that he "freaked out" and was uncomfortable with the seriousness of it.

He admitted it in his break up text and I would believe him and move on.

Try to not take it personally, this is definitely a "him" issue, not a "you" issue.

Edited November 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Afain he is posting relevant stuff to me on his social media. He posted a picture of a text from a fake covid close contact text I got the exact same one a few weeks ago and he told me it was a scam. 

it’s funny cause he asked his followers was it a scam. i haven’t removed him from instagram yet as he rarely ever posts except maybe for the last few days he’s being posting random things. It actually funny to me now. 

It will help you to stop viewing what he's writing and doing.  This will keep him on your mind and constantly trying to analyze his actions.  It will keep you sad and unable to move forward.  That is why blocking is important, not so he can't get through, but so you can free your mind of him and move on.  He's said it's over and that's all you need to hear.  The rest doesn't matter at this point.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

It’s funny, I took what he said those nasty comments and pumped all that hurt into bettering myself, yea I did take them to heart but I got my teeth whitened, new haircut, got back to the gym and forgot how amazing it feels after a workout. 
 

Im trying to better myself and he’s dating. It still hurts but trying to do the positives and workout and sweat out the hurt and anger is definitely helping 😆

Working out is good. I need some inspiration from you I've been lagging a bit myself.

You're definitely on the right path.

It can be a bit shocking when a relationship comes to a sudden end.

44 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I am aware it’s over but I never got a proper answer. 

I know you don't really want to hear this, but it doesn't matter that he broke up over the phone (I'm guessing?). If he'd ghosted on you, I'd say that would be harsh, because it leaves you in uncertainty. But this way, he was honest, and definite, and nothing would have really been better if he'd done it in person.

Yes, it might have been nicer in person (especially after a year together) but ultimately, it wouldn't change anything. Sorry, it hurts either way.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I did ask why and all I got was we’re incompatible and that we have nothing in common which I know isn’t true as we dated For a year you don’t stay with someone that long if that’s the case. 

I am aware it’s over but I never got a proper answer. 

Oh hon, only obvious incompatibilities are visible before a year.  After that, the smaller things start to become more obvious.  Heck, people date and get married for years before those incompatibilities lead to divorce.  

I agree that you probably won't get an answer.  And I agree he may not know himself.  And also there's the issue that if the dumper is honest when breaking up, it gives the dumpee information to argue against the breakup reasons and that makes the whole breakup even more unpleasant.  For what it's worth, when I left my ex husband (with him for about 7 years in total), it was due to  'incompatibility '.  But it took until about a year after the end of the marriage for me to unpack and identify all the issues around the incompatibility.  

Edited November 29, 2022 by basil67

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

For what it's worth, when I left my ex husband (with him for about 7 years in total), it was due to  'incompatibility '. 

Same here Basil.  When I was younger I was in relationships that I knew were incompatible but couldn't find a good reason to call for a break up.  It also happened with my ex husband.  Sometimes it takes someone new to show you just how incompatible you were with your ex.  In circumstances like that people do use the "it's not you, it's me" excuse because they can't find anything that is wrong with you, you're just wrong for them.

[truelovewinsall23]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Oh hon, only obvious incompatibilities are visible before a year.  After that, the smaller things start to become more obvious.  Heck, people date and get married for years before those incompatibilities lead to divorce.  

I agree that you probably won't get an answer.  And I agree he may not know himself.  And also there's the issue that if the dumper is honest when breaking up, it gives the dumpee information to argue against the breakup reasons and that makes the whole breakup even more unpleasant.  For what it's worth, when I left my ex husband (with him for about 7 years in total), it was due to  'incompatibility '.  But it took until about a year after the end of the marriage for me to unpack and identify all the issues around the incompatibility.  

I appreciate that and just so you all Know I blocked him. It was tough and sad. But there really isn’t a reason to be in touch anymore. 
 

Im sad I didn’t get much say in the ending of it and wish he had said something to me,  even just about his feelings on comparability and we could have tried something to see if we could solve it and at last that didn’t happen so i will just have to make peace with it. 
 

I do appreciate everyone’s help, I went a little crazy as one does but I know I am getting better as it doesn’t hurt as much as it did yesterday so I am getting there 

[poppyfields]

OP, at this point his reasons don't even matter.   

Your eyes aren't the same size, your teeth are too yellow, he "freaked out" as it was getting too serious, you're incompatible.   One could drive themselves absolutely bonkers trying to make sense of all this.

Bottom line, he's gone.  Let him stay gone.  Ignore his lame attempts to get your attention through SM and let it go.

If blocking him would help, do that.

It's really up to you.  You either choose to allow him space in your head (and heart) or not.

 

 

 

 

[glows]

2 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I appreciate that and just so you all Know I blocked him. It was tough and sad. But there really isn’t a reason to be in touch anymore. 
 

Im sad I didn’t get much say in the ending of it and wish he had said something to me,  even just about his feelings on comparability and we could have tried something to see if we could solve it and at last that didn’t happen so i will just have to make peace with it. 
 

I do appreciate everyone’s help, I went a little crazy as one does but I know I am getting better as it doesn’t hurt as much as it did yesterday so I am getting there 

The worse outcome would have been someone with poor resolve and letting things drag on further.

Good for you for blocking him. It takes a few weeks and everyone is different. Ride it out and be resilient, have faith and confidence you can move forward. Don’t be afraid. 

[NuevoYorko]

9 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I agree, he might be the only person in the planet who has made me feel so body conscious and self conscious. I hate him for it, it was like he was trying to knock my self esteem when breaking up. 
 

I don't understand why you share examples of him behaving like a brutal loser, and then you talk yearningly about him.   Rejection is a bad experience, I get it.  I think almost everyone here has been through that.  But why would you daydream about having a person who made you feel terrible about yourself back in your life?

[Noproblem]

The photo is part of his history and his time with you. Why would he delete it just because you are over, it was not a messy break up. 

You ended the relationship but you still follow each other, kinda disrespectufl to delete the photo unless he gets a new gf and she makes a big deal about it.

Don't read too much into it!

Edited November 30, 2022 by Noproblem

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

 I never got a proper answer. 

When he said "incompatible", he clarified with the fact that you were talking about marriage, showing him proposal and engagement videos, etc and he did not feel on the same page with that. Everyone knows these are not so subtle hints.

Either way, you dodged a bullet. You two were completely incompatible in your goals.

You were pushing for commitment and proposals and he was talking about wanting to be free.

Sadly he got nasty to push you away because you kept wanting answers, even though your questions were asked and answered several times.