Ex still has photo of me on his socials.

[truelovewinsall23]

6 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Agree. 

What I meant was, he's quite reactionary and I think once he calms down - days, weeks or months, he will attempt to reconnect.

Call/text from another number or accidentally/on purpose run into you. Something.

It's clear he's troubled and deeply conflicted and like @stillafoolsaid, it's up to YOU whether or not to continue engaging.

Exactly. But unless he shows up at my door or the funeral he can’t reach me. I doubt he will do either as we don’t have a reason to speak anymore. He binned my stuff as I asked so I just wanna close the door on this.

[truelovewinsall23]

27 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It's really in your court as to whether this is done or not.  You can stand strong and make it be done.  At least you've closed the doors of communication so now let the healing begin.

Yeah it’s in my court and it’s staying there. I can’t deal with someone who gets nasty when you point out what they did wrong when they expect you to be ok when they do the same to you.  

[truelovewinsall23]

So I’ll be 100% honest now that it’s done.

I didn’t block him, on anything. My reason behind it was I couldn’t let him know it caused me issues. 
 

After tonight and me calling him out on all his bullshit. He blocked me. This is a relief to me. Because while I did want to block him I wanted to take the high ground. I personally felt blocking shows you’re reactive to them so I didn’t want to do it. 
 

I bit my tongue when I had too, and im so happy that I did. I honestly am not bothered by it. I wanted to block him but I always felt it was an emotional decision so I didn’t. 
 

Tonight when I finally plucked up courage to call him out on his bullsh%# he reacted and blocked me everywhere and I’m glad he did. Because I’ve been there before, when you block someone and it’s nice a place to be in so I’m letting him Be there and I’m going to take The win. 
 

I wasn’t a crazy ex or mad or begging I was person who finally saw him for what he was. And because I saw it he blocked me and I’m so happy He did. Blocking is done in emotion, indifference isn’t . 
 

I have not means or way to ever want to get back with him if anyone thinks that my plan. I just wanted to be the adult in the situation 

[basil67]

For what it's worth, calling him out on his behaviour showed that he very much caused you issues and got to you in a manner which caused a very emotional reaction.   Whereas simply blocking him gives the "I really don't even care to talk with you" message.   So now he's the one who got to give the "she's reacting like a crazy woman but I really don't care" reaction of blocking.

Not that it matters now because he's blocked you and it's done....but for future reference, if you really care about being seen like you're not bothered, the Block is how you do it.  You're showing them that they aren't even worth a discussion

Edited December 3, 2022 by basil67

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

for future reference, if you really care about being seen like you're not bothered, the Block is how you do it.  You're showing them that they aren't even worth a discussion

Quoted again for emphasis, absolutely!  

[Alpacalia]

Blocking isn't my cup of tea either.

I've only had to use it once.

Your approach misses the point, however.

It's to give you the space you need to de-stress and reflect by not interacting with this person. It's for YOU, not the other person.

It's okay to block the person if you don't wish to interact with them.

Edited December 3, 2022 by Alpacalia

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Blocking is done in emotion, indifference isn’t . 

No blocking says I'm no longer interested in anything you have to say and I've closed the door to you and moved on.  That's indifference.  Calling him out on his so called bullsh%# is emotion taking over.  I'm sorry to tell you; but he won that one.

[NuevoYorko]

Why did you choose to tell people here that you did block?   You will never be able to receive any useful help and advice when you are not telling the real story.   Why waste peoples' time?

 

 

 

[truelovewinsall23]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

No blocking says I'm no longer interested in anything you have to say and I've closed the door to you and moved on.  That's indifference.  Calling him out on his so called bullsh%# is emotion taking over.  I'm sorry to tell you; but he won that one.

Blocking is done during emotion. I honestly don’t care what someone else says. I’ve done the blocking in the heat of the moment, I’ve done the give a chance and then you end up blocking. You know what’s funny…. In all those situations the unblock happens. 

Regardless I’m delighted he blocked me. The reason behind it, because it ever easy to unblock not as easy if you’re blocked. 

I will also point out that I didn’t go pointing out his issues. He asked and I was honest.

exactly how he behaved towards the end of the relationship he was nasty and mean.  
 

Blocking is never done in indifference, even if you do it in hopes of getting over your ex you still do it in a moment of heat, anger or whatever but there are feelings. 
 

I spoke with my fiends all Of which are married or in long relationships and they all said it’s the person who keeps their cool, it’s the person who doesn’t let it get to them that are indifferent. I’m glad I didn’t block and still am.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Blocking is never done in indifference, even if you do it in hopes of getting over your ex you still do it in a moment of heat, anger or whatever but there are feelings. 

Yeah, the feeling that I don't want to talk to this person anymore. 

That's it. Nothing emotional about it. You make too many excuses to keep the door open. But it's moot now, since he beat you to the punch. Try to draw better boundaries for yourself in the future and not keep doors open for people who don't deserve access to you. 

3 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I spoke with my fiends all Of which are married or in long relationships and they all said it’s the person who keeps their cool, it’s the person who doesn’t let it get to them that are indifferent.

I'm also in a long-term relationship and don't agree with that. It doesn't look indifferent. It looks like you want him to come back and are hoping to hear from him. That isn't indifference. 

But anyway, he's removed you from his life,  so now you can move on. 

[Nickm]

Yeah the hardest part to move on when you need, I was once in toxic reletionship and it was back and forward. Lot of great times but then lots and lots really shitty times,. Now im wiser man and know it is better end sooner than later if things doesnt work, or there is much more bad times. But thats hard

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Blocking is never done in indifference, even if you do it in hopes of getting over your ex you still do it in a moment of heat, anger or whatever but there are feelings. 

You're not indifferent. That's the difference.

This was still very raw for you.

Your ex broke up with you, then you saw a picture of you on his social media, which you interpreted as him wanting you back.

He also never gave you closure, which upset you.

In some ways, love can be like the weather, because we don't always know WHY and don't quite understand it. Meteorologically, hurricanes make sense. Emotionally, no. The only answer to "Why did this hurricane destroy my house?" is "You were in its path."

Think About It. What was it you really wanted to hear? Do you think most people can admit their fears? Of course, we all want our partners to take the time to tell us the truth, no matter how painful it may be. There are a million reasons relationships don't work and countless reasons why your ex doesn't want to talk to you. Don’t take on his issues and make them your own.

Edited December 4, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Blocking is done during emotion.   Blocking is never done in indifference.

I have a different take on that. Deleting and blocking is like locking your house or car. There's nothing emotional about it. It's keeping undesirables out of your space.

It's just sensible to protect what's valuable to you including your time, energy and peace of mind.

In the future take control of your life. Don't wait to tell someone off so that they block you

 Put the reins back in your own hands when it comes to important things.

[introverted1]

11 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why did you choose to tell people here that you did block?   You will never be able to receive any useful help and advice when you are not telling the real story.   Why waste peoples' time?

It also begs the question of what else have you told us that wasn't true? 

This thread is pointless if it's sprinkled with non-truths.

[stillafool]

14 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

Regardless I’m delighted he blocked me.

BTW, how did you find out he had blocked you.  You were trying to reach out to him again?

[truelovewinsall23]

21 hours ago, introverted1 said:

It also begs the question of what else have you told us that wasn't true? 

This thread is pointless if it's sprinkled with non-truths.

No nothing else. I did block him on my phone but not social media that was all. I really wanted to block him, I have done so with previous exes and always ended up regretting it. I always felt like I mad an impulsive decision. So that is why I wasn't in a rush. I think I still had a bit of hope for him in the sense of maybe he will come back around but now I have no hope or interest in that.

He is a nasty piece of work, He texted my cousin who he met two times sending condolences to her and asking what church the funeral is taking place. She texted me, she wasn't aware we split up so texted me with the funeral details even though I had them. 

He blocked me, as I stated, Instagram, messenger and WhatsApp make it pretty obvious you're blocked without even having too check. 

I set my Instagram to private before he even blocked as I knew it would happen and once he was out he will stay out. I then noticed an account that follows me but never paid attention too as I didn't really recognise the name until I found out that the it's his other account. I didn't even notice he had a second account and was viewing my story's. I removed it. 

I thought he blocked me on WhatsApp. I didn't go looking but I saw in my main chat section that his photo had disappeared and assumed he blocked me. I went to delete the chat and saw he just deleted the profile image. I don't care much anyway as I blocked him on that too once I saw I wasn't blocked. 

He called me pathetic, hard to love, he was so happy with broke up and that I was trying to make him the villain for pointing out what he did wrong, this was during a email conversation because I didn't want to meet him to get my stuff back or had anything left to say. He also said sorry about your granny but life goes on.... That was the last straw, yes life goes on but you don't say that to someone the day after they loose someone, especially given he didn't need to. 

I told him to stop toying with my emotions, that he was saying how sad he was bla, bla, bla and how he wished he could make it work when his actions said different. I explained he was lying by saying he deleted all the dating apps to give me false hope when he didn't. I pulled him up on everything. The reason I done it, is I didn't have anything else to lose as its done and he reacted badly, name calling blocking and so on. He is happy to point out my flaws but I point out his lies and what he actually done wrong and I am the worst person in the world. He is either very immature,  doesn't see what he done is wrong or a narcissist - Even my mother said this when she saw and heard what he was saying and she was married to one (my father) so she knows as she said to me run for the[ ]  hills. 

So I am done, utterly and completely. I will have to keep an eye on those random accounts that try to follow me but I am done with him. 

Edited December 5, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

. I think I still had a bit of hope for him in the sense of maybe he will come back around 

The most important person to be honest with is yourself. 

It's your job to inform your people about the breakup. 

The longer you're in denial or drag things out the more it will hurt.

Try to let go. Focus on your peace of mind.

 

 

 

 

[truelovewinsall23]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The most important person to be honest with is yourself. 

It's your job to inform your people about the breakup. 

The longer you're in denial or drag things out the more it will hurt.

Try to let go. Focus on your peace of mind.

 

 

 

 

I agree, I think I was in denial and then with my grandmother passing it hit me even more. All my sisters and brothers have partners to help support them and be there while I didn't and I think it made me feel a little lonely. However what I do believe is that, I am healing now and I don't want to be with someone like my ex. He was manipulative even if he wasn't aware that he was doing it. So instead now I am focusing on me and healing. 

I think that is why my grandmothers death hit me so hard, I was already in a fragile state and it just took the last bit of strength I had and I fell. I fell back into contact with my ex, I fell back into the sadness and the hurt but I picked myself up and I am trying to move on. 

My shoulders dont feel as heavy anymore because I know longer feel like I am the one carrying the weight of ruining the relationship that me ex tried to put on me. We had our differences and I am by no means an angel but he ruined it, by going on Tinder, not discussing issues he had and everything else he done. I realise that now and I can move on in peace.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

He called me pathetic, hard to love, he was so happy with broke up and that I was trying to make him the villain for pointing out what he did wrong,

Ah yes, this is the logical result of giving someone a piece of our mind as you did below

1 hour ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I explained he was lying by saying he deleted all the dating apps to give me false hope when he didn't. I pulled him up on everything. The reason I done it, is I didn't have anything else to lose as its done

All in all though, I guess your blunt honesty has made sure his final memories of you will be bad and his response has given you final bad memories too.  So you'll never have to worry about him possibly coming back into your life.  

[truelovewinsall23]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ah yes, this is the logical result of giving someone a piece of our mind as you did below

All in all though, I guess your blunt honesty has made sure his final memories of you will be bad and his response has given you final bad memories too.  So you'll never have to worry about him possibly coming back into your life.  

I can apricate we had good times together, but I am just done with the entire thing now. I don't care now if he has bad feelings toward me. I don't have bad feelings towards him I just have feelings of its over and I am glad... He was not the worst guy in the world but needs to mature so I don't feel anger at him more pity that he couldn't handle the end of it like a mature adult. He has to live with that not me. I said my piece in a respectful way I was by no means rude or aggressive. 

My sister gave me the best advice before we stopped speaking and that was be the cucumber and at first I didn't get it and she explain be cool, don't react angerly and don't say anything you will regret and I didn't. I explained the stuff he done that caused me hurt and left it at that. 

I hope one day he can look back and see I wasn't been negative I was explaining what he was doing was toying with my emotions and that he didn't need to lie about things. 

[stillafool]

Well it's good that you've accepted the breakup and now moving on.  What are your plans now?

[glows]

3 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I hope one day he can look back and see I wasn't been negative I was explaining what he was doing was toying with my emotions and that he didn't need to lie about things. 

This keeps you tied to him. It’s the same hope you continue to reiterate throughout the thread - that you hope he sees this or hope that he sees that. Hoping for him to become enlightened keeps you tied to that person and their outcome. He cheated (roving eye/Tinder etc) and dumped you. When pushed he retaliated and blocked you which is the appropriate thing for him to do as after the break up you continued to contact him and tell him what lousy things he did.

Put this away once and for all and avoid hoping for his enlightenment. Some people are not able to come to that and you’ll have to let go of that naïveté.

[basil67]

9 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I can apricate we had good times together, but I am just done with the entire thing now. I don't care now if he has bad feelings toward me. I don't have bad feelings towards him I just have feelings of its over and I am glad... He was not the worst guy in the world but needs to mature so I don't feel anger at him more pity that he couldn't handle the end of it like a mature adult. He has to live with that not me. I said my piece in a respectful way I was by no means rude or aggressive. 

My sister gave me the best advice before we stopped speaking and that was be the cucumber and at first I didn't get it and she explain be cool, don't react angerly and don't say anything you will regret and I didn't. I explained the stuff he done that caused me hurt and left it at that. 

I hope one day he can look back and see I wasn't been negative I was explaining what he was doing was toying with my emotions and that he didn't need to lie about things. 

There is no respectful way to give a list of all the things a person did wrong, especially after a breakup.  I mean, giving him one or two examples of (what you believe) he did wrong is tolerable, but nicely worded list of everything is essentially wrapping a brick in a bit of fluffy fabric.   Of course he reacted.

The time for discussions is when you are in the relationship.  And even then, shouldn't be about 'what you did wrong', but rather, 'when this happens, I feel...   Note the lack of blame in my example?  

If he does look back, he's going to remember the brick.  Not the fluffy fabric it was delivered in.