Ex still has photo of me on his socials.

[stillafool]

I'm so sorry about your Grandma's passing.  Yes I think Wiseman is correct about the sex.  Guys usually like a 'one last time' to seal the breakup.  Don't do it or you'll feel terrible when it's over.  If  he insists on giving you back your things, don't you guys have a mutual friend who can give them to you.   There's no reason you have to see him just because that's what he wants.  You don't owe him anything so don't let what he wants stress you out.

[glows]

He was getting things off his chest and sadly it’s made things worse. It’s a very long story and apology for how immature he’s been. You fell for someone with limited awareness about himself. 

From his wording it’s clear he’s just not that into you and I know you might already sense this. I’m sorry about your grandmother and this loss. 

If he wants to return the items he can leave them outside on the porch. You did mention asking to see him to talk so this is also your opportunity to say goodbye to this person. In future, block his email address or mark it as spam and his address will be filtered to the dump. He’s likely right being friends isn’t realistic - thank goodness he has that much sense.

[NuevoYorko]

I'm sorry about your grandma.  You have so much going on right now.  It's quite a load.

Please stop being a passive receiver in this situation with the ex.   Bad decision to not block him from your email as soon as you got the first one from him.   I'm sorry but I believe you are still determined to get your "post mortem."  

If you are not, simply tell him NO.  DO NOT BRING MY STUFF BACK TO MY HOME.  I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU.  THANK YOU.

Instead of spending any more time thinking, analyzing, etc. about this person, reach out to your friends or close family members.   You need the support of these people now.  You can reach out to people here for that support too.  So far, you have only been interested in engaging here with the aim of analyzing whatever he said or did or whether he has a personality disorder.   Instead,  treat it like an alcoholic treats the AA meeting and friends:   Let people help you  avoid going back into that rabbit hole, one day at a time.

Seriously.  Just telling him NO - DO NOT COME HERE would be quite powerful for you.  

Take care of yourself and don't be isolated.

[truelovewinsall23]

13 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I'm sorry about your grandma.  You have so much going on right now.  It's quite a load.

Please stop being a passive receiver in this situation with the ex.   Bad decision to not block him from your email as soon as you got the first one from him.   I'm sorry but I believe you are still determined to get your "post mortem."  

If you are not, simply tell him NO.  DO NOT BRING MY STUFF BACK TO MY HOME.  I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU.  THANK YOU.

Instead of spending any more time thinking, analyzing, etc. about this person, reach out to your friends or close family members.   You need the support of these people now.  You can reach out to people here for that support too.  So far, you have only been interested in engaging here with the aim of analyzing whatever he said or did or whether he has a personality disorder.   Instead,  treat it like an alcoholic treats the AA meeting and friends:   Let people help you  avoid going back into that rabbit hole, one day at a time.

Seriously.  Just telling him NO - DO NOT COME HERE would be quite powerful for you.  

Take care of yourself and don't be isolated.

I do have a lot going on.... My father lives in Australia, when he found about my granny his mother he suffered a heart attack. He's ok but has to have triple by pas surgery. Again something else that It overwhelming me. I honestly do feel like am trying to stay afloat when everything at the moment seems to be trying to drag me down. I can't really explain it.

I have said do not bring my stuff back and that I didn't want to see him and he is still insisting on doing it. My emotions are very real and raw at the moment and I honestly don't have the  strength. I am meeting a girlfriend later for a talk. 

Part of me feels maybe this is the universe telling me to let it all out. My grandmother was ill and we knew she would pass soon and maybe this is the universe saying you need to break so that you can heal. 

I am just so tired, like I feel exhausted for everything.

[poppyfields]

Not sure he's wanting sex.

My take is he feel tremendous guilt and doesn't want to be seen as the "bad guy," and seeks your understanding and forgiveness.

This will enable HIM to move on in peace because again he's struggling with guilt and moving on when carrying such guilt can be debilitating. 

I think he loved  you, he may still, but the bottom line is he either fears commitment, isn't ready for it or flat out does not want it. 

It's best you accept this and stop analyzing it and him.

It will only end up driving YOU crazy.  And cause endless confusion as you're experiencing now. 

Block him on everything, allow him NO access to you. 

Take care of YOU.  He won't I can promise you that. 

That email was for HIM, not you. 

I'm.sorry, I know it's tough. But I can also promise you, once you heal you WILL be stronger and a little bit wiser for having experienced this and recovered. 

PS:  My condolences about your grandma.

Hugs. xo

 

.

Edited December 2, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

28 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I do have a lot going on.... My father lives in Australia, when he found about my granny his mother he suffered a heart attack. He's ok but has to have triple by pas surgery. Again something else that It overwhelming me. I honestly do feel like am trying to stay afloat when everything at the moment seems to be trying to drag me down. I can't really explain it.

I have said do not bring my stuff back and that I didn't want to see him and he is still insisting on doing it. My emotions are very real and raw at the moment and I honestly don't have the  strength. I am meeting a girlfriend later for a talk. 

Part of me feels maybe this is the universe telling me to let it all out. My grandmother was ill and we knew she would pass soon and maybe this is the universe saying you need to break so that you can heal. 

I am just so tired, like I feel exhausted for everything.

He can't insist on bringing your things with you there if you allow it.

Simply ask him to leave your things at a time when you're not home.

You need to make it very clear to him that you do not want him to be present.

But I feel it's painfully obvious that you do want that interaction.

[glows]

40 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I do have a lot going on.... My father lives in Australia, when he found about my granny his mother he suffered a heart attack. He's ok but has to have triple by pas surgery. Again something else that It overwhelming me. I honestly do feel like am trying to stay afloat when everything at the moment seems to be trying to drag me down. I can't really explain it.

I have said do not bring my stuff back and that I didn't want to see him and he is still insisting on doing it. My emotions are very real and raw at the moment and I honestly don't have the  strength. I am meeting a girlfriend later for a talk. 

Part of me feels maybe this is the universe telling me to let it all out.

It’s ok to let him know to leave it outside and you won’t meet him. You’re taking on too much and thinking you don’t have any control over this situation.

Why is it so offensive if he drops the items off? They are your things and also your responsibility. He might not want to dispose of them because he doesn’t trust you not to come back asking for those things which is a valid concern. It’s not his responsibility to dump your items for you or dispose of them. If he does so it’s a favour he’s doing you and risks you turning it around on him later. 

You’re not going to fall apart if you see him either. It’s unpleasant but you’re stronger than that. I hope you’re able to feel more grounded and relaxed after chatting with your friend. It always helps when we feel we have people who love and care take time out of their day to meet.

[poppyfields]

56 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

I have said do not bring my stuff back and that I didn't want to see him and he is still insisting on doing it. 

Having read this^, please understand, he's using bringing your things as an excuse to see you. 

Did I not predict this?  That he'd be back?  Pouring his heart out? 

It's textbook!  

Like I said, don't be surprised if he shows up crying, commitment phobes are notorious for crying. 

It's part and parcel of the internal conflict he's experiencing and a manipulation.

Do not go there, PLEASE. 

Take care of you and tell him you don't want to see him.

Tell him to bin your things, you don't want them, wish him well, hope he sorts his * out. 

Bye!

 

Edited December 2, 2022 by poppyfields

[shellzbellz83]

18 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

So I did reply, and he reiterated that he still doesn't want a relationship His words in fact where i don't want to go back.. I never asked to get back but to meet to talk and end it like mature adults and out of respect for the last year. 

Why would you want to meet with someone who has said so many cruel things about you? If I'm not mistaken, you have 2-3 different threads with different names, and each one discloses another really mean thing he said to you in the wake of this breakup. Let this guy go.

[truelovewinsall23]

6 hours ago, shellzbellz83 said:

Why would you want to meet with someone who has said so many cruel things about you? If I'm not mistaken, you have 2-3 different threads with different names, and each one discloses another really mean thing he said to you in the wake of this breakup. Let this guy go.

Well I finally done it, I’m not sure if it was because of all the crying I some becuase of my grandmothers passing but. I told him to leave the my stuff at my front door. He didn’t know what to do, he was texting like what have I changed my mind and so on… and then said he would be happy to wait til after the funeral to meet me with my stuff and talk. I said there isn’t anything to talk about and shut it down after that. 
 

It was hard to do but I just got so angry at him and myself over it. Him for lying and being a ahole and me for going along with it as long as I did. 
 

Once I shut it down that’s when the im trying me best to love you stuff started to get said and he told me he was sorry to hear about my grandmothers death but life goes on and that I’m not the only one hurting he is too…. 
 

I am very happy I dodged a bullet and very greatful to all of you too ❤️

[HazelBliss]

Some guys are too lazy to remove old pictures or they don't care. My associate's boyfriend still has old wedding pictures of him and his ex wife on FB, meanwhile he posts new pictures of him and my associate and their blended family all the time. I thought it was odd.. but I am thinking he just didnt feel like going through his photos to remove pictures. Ive seen this on multiple occasions like how hard is it to hit delete smh. So it may or may not mean anything. 

[truelovewinsall23]

I So I need some advice I didn’t block his email I told him to email me when he was dropping off the bits at my house so I knew when he done it and so I knew when to not be there. 
 

He emailed me this morning saying he wants to go to my grandmothers removal / funeral now. I don’t understand why now.
 

He didn’t care about going before I told him i had nothing left to say. It’s going to be so awkward now, not only is he going to the wake I will now have to explain to everyone we aren’t together anymore on a day that will be hard enough 

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

 I will now have to explain to everyone we aren’t together anymore on a day that will be hard enough 

It's up to you to decide on the boundaries. It seems like you would like to get back together since you didn't ask him to please leave you alone and not use a death in the family as a dating/hookup opportunity.

[truelovewinsall23]

34 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's up to you to decide on the boundaries. It seems like you would like to get back together since you didn't ask him to please leave you alone and not use a death in the family as a dating/hookup opportunity.

I didn’t even respond. I ignored the email. He doesn’t know when it’s on but I’m sure if he googled it, it would probably show up and that’s my fear. 
 

I don’t want to get back together at all. And yesterday I made it very clear Bt saying we didn’t need to meet up and talk as there wasn’t anything left that needed to be said. I told him to drop the stuff off at my place on his way to work as I will be gone by then so I ended the conversation then. He still insisted on coming to the funeral and wake. 
 

I told him no. And he’s still coming and it’s giving me anxiety about the whole thing now. 

[shellzbellz83]

Nobody who cares about you is going to crash the funeral of your loved one if you sincerely ask them not to do so. The issue here is you aren't asking him not to do so, and you need to get real with yourself about why that is.

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

He emailed me this morning saying he wants to go to my grandmothers removal / funeral now. I don’t understand why now.

Why didn't you shoot him an email back that you would prefer he stay away.  That  would have only taken a minute to do.  He's not your family and doesn't belong there.  It's disrespeectful to your family.  I think you like the idea that he is running after you to talk.

[Alpacalia]

It did not require an email from him to let you know that your items had been delivered. Real talk. It was a few articles of clothing. It's not like someone that you have lived with for years that has a great deal of your personal belongings. I'm afraid you're experiencing a mindset similar to that of a drug addict living through withdrawal.

You're not dealing with an obsessive ex who just can't let you go.

Otherwise, he'd be blocked.

[NuevoYorko]

This is getting exhausting.   If you get tired of playing these games, you know where to look for support.   In the meanwhile, it seems like you are addicted to this drama.   

[truelovewinsall23]

6 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

This is getting exhausting.   If you get tired of playing these games, you know where to look for support.   In the meanwhile, it seems like you are addicted to this drama.   

It’s all done. Now, he’s blocked and we parted ways in a nasty way but parted ways finally. 
 

again he got nasty as he was caught lying. But at least it’s done now and for good this time. 
 

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

It’s all done. Now, he’s blocked and we parted ways in a nasty way but parted ways finally. 

again he got nasty as he was caught lying. But at least it’s done now and for good this time. 
 

What did he lie about this time?

Jmo once again, but this isn't done.

Good luck though and again my condolences.  May your dear grandma RIP. 

Edited December 3, 2022 by poppyfields

[truelovewinsall23]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What did he lie about this time?

Jmo once again, but this isn't done, but good luck. 

He was bragging about how he had offers for sex after we split from girls on social media. 
 

i asked him that before and he flat out denied it. And I said I didn’t appreciate the lying and he got nasty. 

His words where 

Go ahead block me and add me to you to your failed relationship list. Oh and im Hard to love.  

what do you mean it isn’t done. I told him to bin my stuff and he said it was done. He also deleted the photos of us too. So I don’t see or want it back. 
 

It’s funny, I was brutally honest with him and was called nasty for pointing out his lying.  
 

 

[NuevoYorko]

48 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

 

It’s funny, I was brutally honest with him and was called nasty for pointing out his lying.  
 

 

Surely you don't expect people to respond in a positive way when you point out their lies.    I'm not sure why you felt this exploration of his activities with other girls was necessary. You and this guy seem to share a determination to have the last word.  I hope you've had enough now.  It's time to be with your family and true friends.  Take care.

Edited December 3, 2022 by NuevoYorko

[stillafool]

48 minutes ago, truelovewinsall23 said:

what do you mean it isn’t done.

It's really in your court as to whether this is done or not.  You can stand strong and make it be done.  At least you've closed the doors of communication so now let the healing begin.

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It's really in your court as to whether this is done or not.  You can stand strong and make it be done.  At least you've closed the doors of communication so now let the healing begin.

Agree. 

What I meant was, he's quite reactionary and I think once he calms down - days, weeks or months, he will attempt to reconnect.

Call/text from another number or accidentally/on purpose run into you. Something.

It's clear he's troubled and deeply conflicted and like @stillafoolsaid, it's up to YOU whether or not to continue engaging.

[truelovewinsall23]

26 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Surely you don't expect people to respond in a positive way when you point out their lies.    I'm not sure why you felt this exploration of his activities with other girls was necessary. You and this guy seem to share a determination to have the last word.  I hope you've had enough now.  It's time to be with your family and true friends.  Take care.

I didn’t purposely intend to out his lying he got caught out and lashed out. Then called me names and you know what, its not the first time He done it and I doubt it will be the last. 
 

He is one of those people who can’t deal with or handle criticism and that’s why he turns it on me. It helps him get rid of the guilt But not anymore he is a dangerous man and manipulative